I was wondering what would be a good thing to say in an introductory email for an online dating site. I have tried many things and rarely ever get a reply. I have made comments on their profile blurb, stated similar interests in common. Made silly flirtatious jokes, told them I liked their pictures. And plain just said check me out and drop me a line. I am a cute petite lady 5’3″ very fit and active. I think I’m cute. I’ll tell you what I’m not. I am not 5’9″ with long silky blonde hair and huge boobs. The few meetings I have had I’ve been told that I am very attractive. I am very confident and have my act together. So I just don’t get it. I could send out 10 email a week and for the past year have met for coffee maybe 6 times tops. So what should I say to get someone at least interested in meeting me for coffee? Any suggestions?

I’m not sure what kind of advice is given on this website, most of what I’ve seen seems to be dating advice. I don’t really need help in that area but more for improving myself.
I recently started dating someone I’ve liked for nearly 6 years now. When I met him I was two stone heavier than I am now, and due to being bullied at the time I was alot quieter.
I lost contact with him for about 3 years and in that time moved schools and gained a few close friends. But I knew these people from a past school as I move alot.
I find it hard to talk to strangers and feel uncomfortable around everyone. I have little self confidence and I’m unable to interact with my current boyfriend’s friends.
My last physical relationship was 2 years ago, the boy cheated on me for the whole 8 months and was sleeping with a person I considered a close friend at the time. After breaking up with him I settled for talking to people online. This is something I already did but after the break up it escalated to the point where I didn’t want to go out. I would sit on the computer and talk to people all over the world.
I found myself doing things I later regretted online and of course stayed in even more. I cried myself to sleep most nights due to loneliness and couldn’t find help.
My family didn’t understand and just thought I was a moody teenager (They still think that). My dad and step mother seem to pick out flaws in me whenever they see me. The last time I saw my dad we went out for a meal, he asked everyone in the room to raise their hand if they disagreed with him on his opinion of my manners. In the past he’s picked on my sister, my mum and my breath, though I regularly brush my teeth.
I’ve also found that lately I find it difficult to talk to my friends, they regularly make fun of me for who I’m dating rather than understand that it’s upsetting me, they seem to do it more and more. It’s making me fall out with some of them and feel more uncomfortable in the group. I’ve found I’m even quieter than before and have taken to walking at the back of the group rather than in the middle.
My current boyfriend was uneasy with me talking to strangers online, so I’ve lost contact with most of them. I guess it’s helping me, but if I ever break up with him, what do I do?
I need to have a higher level of self esteem. How do I go about this? How do I become more confident in speaking to people?

Hello. Again. It is I. Someone suggested that I get the rest of this breakup feelings out, so I’m doing it! My apologies if this is getting exhaustive.

A simple question(s) first, and then you can read the story if you choose. How long are you supposed to take to move on?

Is there a “Woah, that’s hella long, you need therapy” point in time for moving on? Is that weird “Take your relationship length and half it” thing true? Does this even apply to those dang first loves?

I had my first relationship, ever, (good lord it may be my last) when I was 18. And that, to my surprise, lasted until I was 20, my current age. I would deem it my “first love” for sure. I don’t want to say I was prepared to marry the guy or anything, but here in the south, there was some pressure to go towards that. It was quite a serious thing from my freshman to junior year of college. It was also a pretty positive first relationship too, so I am grateful for that.

Anyways, it turned into an LDR towards the tail end, and with a mixture of factors, and also a ill-fated, no-one-knew-how-long-we’d-be-apart-maybe-over-three-years long distance thing hanging over our heads, we broke up. It was not too ugly, but it was pretty bad in that, you know, first serious break up and all the feelings and “OH GAWD I’ll never love again and everything we had is gone” stuff.

That was almost three months ago. And while I’m doing better than I expected, I have those moments, where he pops up onto my newsfeed via mutual friend (I haven’t deleted him, but I have not looked at his page ONCE. I’m pretty proud. Next step is deleting.) this pit in my stomach feeling appears. Not the good kind. Also, the knowledge (against my will) that he has already moved on to another relationship does not help at all.

I feel stunted in moving on. I mean, geez! He’s already got a new girlfriend! What does that say about me? That I am probably stuck in this moving on limbo.

I feel like a nuisance venting to my friends and family at this point in time. The first month? Fine. You go vent, girl! Now, nope.

My sister chides me, “Look, rice, why are you still stuck on him? It’s sad that you can’t move on. Oh…it’s only been 3 months? It seems like longer. Either way, suck it up. He sucked.”

I understand. Who wants to hear anger and sadness about a person more than a few times? So I keep it to a bare minimum. And so I’m stuck in my head with these thoughts.

I don’t think it’s normal that I have that lurch in my stomach when I see a picture of him? So I tell myself.

I sort of feel like I have this pressure from my parents and sister to quickly move on from this and onto something else. But it’s really hard to forget for me. He was literally my first EVERYTHING, and once a really close friend.

Oh, gosh, I’m sorry guys. I’ve talked too much.

Who’s excited for the end of the world?

I had an old friend recently move in with my family to help her and her own family out. I knew from the beginning there would be some issues but wanted to help her move back to our state like she had been wanting for some time. She is a single parent with a couple kids who works full time and is frequently tired and irritable, which usually means the kids are angrily dealt with or allowed to run wild.

I have a bit of a problem with anxiety and hyper vigilance which I fully acknowledge but sometimes have trouble recognizing in the moment. Because of this I usually don’t speak up right away when I feel something is wrong so that I can take some time to evaluate a situation and be sure the problem isn’t really my own. So I just wanted some advice on how best to deal with a few things and/or get a wake up call that I may be overreacting or reading too deeply into something. This has already gotten long so I’ll try to be brief.
-I watch one of her kids every day during the week morning to evening without pay or even gratitude or acknowledgement of it. I feel like its interfering with my time with my own child. Not to mention if I want to do something special I have to take her child along, pay for their things and never get paid back by the mother.
-I am a stay at home mom after years of being a single mom in exactly the situation shes in now (working all the time, barely having time for kids), but largely without roommates to help with bills and babysitting and she treats me like I’m lazy, undeserving of my new status, and owe her since I don’t work.
-The main thing I take issue with is that I feel like I can’t trust her to follow my rules for my child when she watches her. Which has only been a few times and there were problems each of these instances. She is very lax with her kids for the most part and has openly told me that she thinks the rules I set for my child are too strict and letting my child break those rules isn’t a big deal. Things like letting her watch tv during the week (I only allow it on the weekends and then only 2 hours max a day so she learns to manage her time and entertainment) or drinking or eating things with artificial sweeteners. Also, the only time I asked her to watch the child during the school week I asked her to be sure to check her homework as she had been struggling in school and it turns out she didn’t even glance at it and it irked me for her to get 70’s on homework assignments that could have been prevented. It IS a big deal to me and I’m appalled that she doesn’t respect my wishes on how I choose to raise my child. I’m at the point that I don’t want to have any responsibility over her kids nor her mine. Any advice is greatly appreciated and I can provide more examples if needed.

Hello, everyone. Long time no see.

I’m back mostly because I’m in crisis. First, a little background: My boyfriend and I met several years ago and were friends a long time before we hooked up. He was a virgin that whole time and I was his first. I, however, have done my fair share of stupid things. The good that came out of all those stupid things is that I really know what I like and don’t sexually.

When we first started dating I chalked his awkwardness and shyness up to him being inexperienced. But, here we are two years later and I’m still not getting the passion and confidence I need out of him.

Here’s my problem, I love him with everything I am and the thought of leaving him over something so trivial is insane to me. I have suggested everything from counselling to swinging (in hopes that he could explore and learn more) and every time I do, he just shuts down and gets sad. I’ve assured him that I don’t love him any less and that I am still attracted to him, but I just can’t get him to open up.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I can’t spend it wound up and frustrated. Any ideas?

Hey guys! I’m back! With bad news, I guess, that my LDR boyfriend and I did not survive, and so we have broken up, say, approximately 2 months ago? (Or rather, he broke up with me, and then I agreed, with a lot of crying on both sides. Sigh.) I’m not doing as horrible as I thought, although it does have ultimate suck moments. And also knowing (against my will) that he is already in another relationship (ALREADY. Dang.) does not help. I’m feeling quite inadequate. But, I already vented this out on another forum, but I sort of feel like I am murking up the vibe there, and don’t want to be a burden, thus, I’m turning to you wonderful people for some solid advice on something silly.

(Reading back on this, I now realize that me having a crush makes me sound like I’m 13. I apologize. I’m romantically underdeveloped..)

I have a crush! Isn’t that weird. It feels weird, after a couple of years of being in my first serious relationship. Just some background, I’m 20, in college, and really had the confidence of a plastic bag during high school and had terrible experiences with ALL my crushes. Mostly because I would build them up in my head and then be overwhelmingly disappointed when it didn’t turn out like my fantasy. (It rained a lot in my fantasies. And there was always a well placed fire and blankets and Lionel Richie CD near by..)

Anyways, I’m terrible with crushes. I don’t want to be. I want to be proactive! The thing is, this guy I have a crush on is SO incredibly good looking. I have never positively interacted with someone this good looking. I am sort of convinced that he is so good looking, that I am not good looking enough. (Though, with the help of therapy, I know that not to be completely true. But still. He is supremely gorgeous.)

On the plus side, through a few interactions, I know he finds me funny, and we also exchanged phone numbers. But that’s about how far it goes. I was introduced to his friend group, and now we all hang out in a group. He and I rarely text each other. (There isn’t really a reason to..? If there’s a hangout, someone else arranges it? Also, I think he hates texts? He always calls me instead of texting. Odd.)

Well, after Christmas break, I plan to invite that same friend group (with him included) to my apartment for a movie and dinner night. Not exactly my “ideal” on how I want to spend time with him, but I like that group of friends, and I want to cook for them. So win. (I also had the idea of pretending that everyone cancelled and he just showed up, and then I’d be all “Oh, goodness, well, want to share this blanket and watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?” But I don’t think that would go over well..)

I think, in general, I am just asking how to interact with a crush. I have had (now that I look back) quite the opportunity to hang out with him one-on-one, but was wayyyy too nervous because he is JUST SO HANDSOME.

I act like I’m interviewing him sometimes, I’m so nervous. But when it comes to his other friends, whom I am not attracted to, I am so normal. (Which, I realize, is normal.)

Ok, since I’m rambling, I’ll put this into TL;DR questions.
1) How do you act normal and be yourself around someone so attractive?
2) I mean, we hardly know each other, but in the back of my mind, I wonder if he even knows I exist, since he rarely tries to contact me. But I don’t either, so…
3) I don’t think I’m looking for a relationship this soon (though I sort of want one to spite my ex. Not a good idea, I know), so if it comes down to it, how do you demote crush-brain to friend-brain?
4) I keep comparing him and interactions and really every interaction I have with guys to how my ex and I first started dating, and nothing feels right. I guess I’ve got it pounded into my head that the way it went down first is THE way to date someone. I have no clue. Help?

Thanks guys, sorry for the long blurb. Have a wonderful holiday!

So I’ve been with this girl for 2 years now and for most of it things were great, I remember quite early on we decided on getting a house together and after our first year of university that’s what happened. It’s not like we argue or anything either, nothing is actually ‘wrong’ with our relationship but I had a sudden moment of realisation when my parents stopped me one day and asked if I was actually happy and I had a bit of a think and said no, I considered that I only said that because it seemed to be what they expected, but after a drunken cry and good hard look at myself it seemed pretty true.
Nearly all my conversations involve me complaining about my ‘just fine’ relationship. We don’t sleep in the same bed anymore either as she has a terrible snoring problem and while I know of several things to try and fix that I just don’t want to, possibly because she put on a fair bit of weight over the last year and while I feel pretty shallow saying it, I’m less attracted to her. The real kicker for me is that while I’m moaning away and thinking of how different things could be, I still care for her, We still cuddle up on the sofa and have silly couple-y things we do together, sometimes it feels like going through the motions but generally feels like auto pilot when it happens.

I think that’s probably enough, it already looks like I know what I want to do but I can’t bring myself to REALLY face it.
So uh.. any opinions on this?

So I told him. I tried to be sensitive but it was the wrong size and not something I would have picked out at all; in fact, a cut I strongly dislike. I thought about just keeping it and growing to like it but since out was also the wrong size I decided to mention it. I feel terrible but since I’m going to wear it for the rest of my life I figured I should say something. Was I wrong to have said anything?

Edit: I didn’t say anything immediately. I waited a day since he was mailing it off to get resized.

I’m quite sure all of us, men and women alike, have been given this bit of advice at least once during our dating life.

You’re frustrated about the small amount of fish in the dating pool. You’re irritated that all of your dates have been travesties and/or disasters. You’re having a mental breakdown because you haven’t had a decent date for days/weeks/months.

Then one of your friends chimes in, “You have to stop looking. Once you stop looking it will just find you and s/he will be there.”

Being a single male this is not advice, it is virtually complete bunk.

Though this is the 21st Century, and women have begun to take more initiative when it comes to approaching men, and asking them out, it is still primarily up to the guy to make first contact if there’s going to be any hope of going on a date again.

Telling me this is like telling me, “a watched pot never boils.” Sorry. Wrong. I can guarantee you that as long as the burner is turned On high enough that water will eventually boil, no matter how long I ‘watch it’.

So the same applies to me meeting a woman and potentially going out on a date. In my 15 years of dating, so far, I have had to rely on myself to make a move first. And trust me, most of that time was spent missing opportunities either due to lack of confidence or completely missing the fact that a girl was flirting back.

I will concede that with online dating, women have begun to step up to the plate more often, but the spread is still fairly large.

What are you’re thoughts on this?

Do you think if you stop looking for “the one”, or even your next partner for a significant relationship, they will end up eventually fall into your lap?

Has the line on who needs to initiate contact/flirting begun to fade? Do you believe most of the “pressure” still falls on the guy? Are women becoming more bold and making advances first towards a guy these days?

So I’ve recently had a birthday, and am now closer to 30 than 20 which is pretty horrifying–single, no career plan figured out, etc. Now my life is by no means awful, and I know that–I have a job that I don’t totally hate (and sometimes even enjoy!) and pays my bills, great family and friends (some of whom live close enough that I can see pretty regularly), etc. But it seems like I’m just letting life lead me on (wake up for work, work, go home, sleep) rather than making active choices, following through with resolutions, improving myself, finding more happiness etc. I know it’s easier (and in my nature) to just go with the flow, but does anyone have suggestions in terms of helpful tips for avoiding this?