2 year relationship and now I’m not sure..

So I’ve been with this girl for 2 years now and for most of it things were great, I remember quite early on we decided on getting a house together and after our first year of university that’s what happened. It’s not like we argue or anything either, nothing is actually ‘wrong’ with our relationship but I had a sudden moment of realisation when my parents stopped me one day and asked if I was actually happy and I had a bit of a think and said no, I considered that I only said that because it seemed to be what they expected, but after a drunken cry and good hard look at myself it seemed pretty true.
Nearly all my conversations involve me complaining about my ‘just fine’ relationship. We don’t sleep in the same bed anymore either as she has a terrible snoring problem and while I know of several things to try and fix that I just don’t want to, possibly because she put on a fair bit of weight over the last year and while I feel pretty shallow saying it, I’m less attracted to her. The real kicker for me is that while I’m moaning away and thinking of how different things could be, I still care for her, We still cuddle up on the sofa and have silly couple-y things we do together, sometimes it feels like going through the motions but generally feels like auto pilot when it happens.

I think that’s probably enough, it already looks like I know what I want to do but I can’t bring myself to REALLY face it.
So uh.. any opinions on this?

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4 thoughts on “2 year relationship and now I’m not sure..

  1. Happy Pants says:

    [Listen. This is going to be blunt. Putting aside the fact that it sounds like you’re just looking for someone to tell you to break up with her, first thing’s first: you need to be talking to her about this stuff. If the sleeping in two separate beds is an issue, and it is—especially because it’s not like you’ve been married twenty years—you really need to figure that out with her. The weight thing is shallow, but it’s attraction, and it’s important in a relationship, and you shouldn’t feel that bad about it.

    HOWEVER, do you really think that love is going to be perfect and sunshine and roses and puppies and unicorns all the time? Is that how you envisioned cohabitation with her? Or cohabitation with anybody? Things fluctuate, attraction fluctuates, sex lives fluctuate. Any time you make a commitment to someone and say, “we’re going to be together for a really long time, for the foreseeable future,” things are going to change over time.

    My initial advice was to break up with her and find a happier situation; but after thinking about it, the first thing you need to do is reassess the current situation and your perception of it. Then you need to either decide you’re really unhappy and there’s nothing you can do to fix it, in which case you break up with her, or you realize that you’ve just hit a rough patch and you accept the responsibility of a committed relationship where you’re living together (so it’s a pretty serious thing), and you work on your issues.

  2. EricaSwagger says:

    [Two options.

    1. Bite the bullet. Tell her you want to be honest with her, that you think you’ve outgrown each other and though you will always care about her deeply, the passion isn’t there anymore and that’s neither of your faults. Relationships aren’t all meant to be. Even if there isn’t a big dramatic reason to break up, sometimes the whole package isn’t there and it’s just time to move on.

    2. Work on your relationship. Get her to agree to go to the gym together. Have more sex. Sleep next to each other. Get help with the snoring. Hold hands more. Go out in public instead of snuggling on the couch. Talk to a couples’ counselor. Pursue individual hobbies. Take a class together. Rearrange your living room. Take turns cooking dinner. There’s a million things to do that bring you closer together and that can help your lack of romance. But if you’re finding that you just don’t even want to try them, read number 1 again.

    I have to say, I think you know what you’re going to do already, so I hope you do it. It bugs me when people have the “always put others first” philosophy. Put yourself first instead. You are doing her NO favors by keeping up the facade. You need to look out for yourself. And right now, yourself isn’t happy. For the record: Staying with someone because you take pity on them is even meaner than just breaking up with them. It’s mean to them and mean to yourself. Think about that and do what’s right. For you.

  3. Solstice says:

    [I agree with the others…stick it out a little longer, try to make some improvements, and see if you feel differently. Don’t just throw away a long term relationship without putting in some effort. However, if you make efforts to change things or to make things better and it’s just not working, then you can end things at that point. At least give it a try, though, especially since you’re living together.

  4. Dr. Progress says:

    [Kind of an update on this, I decided to man up and actually talk about my issues with my girlfriend, things went better than expected and we came up with a couple ideas to get things back on track.

    We are going to both our parents for Christmas so apart from Christmas day and new year’s eve we’re giving each other a little space, then in January we have a fresh start and to go with that we came up with the idea to save all the money we would spend on snacks and every couple of weeks have a date night and go somewhere nice.

    So yeah I just wanted to say thanks for the perspective 🙂

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