I’m quite sure all of us, men and women alike, have been given this bit of advice at least once during our dating life.
You’re frustrated about the small amount of fish in the dating pool. You’re irritated that all of your dates have been travesties and/or disasters. You’re having a mental breakdown because you haven’t had a decent date for days/weeks/months.
Then one of your friends chimes in, “You have to stop looking. Once you stop looking it will just find you and s/he will be there.”
Being a single male this is not advice, it is virtually complete bunk.
Though this is the 21st Century, and women have begun to take more initiative when it comes to approaching men, and asking them out, it is still primarily up to the guy to make first contact if there’s going to be any hope of going on a date again.
Telling me this is like telling me, “a watched pot never boils.” Sorry. Wrong. I can guarantee you that as long as the burner is turned On high enough that water will eventually boil, no matter how long I ‘watch it’.
So the same applies to me meeting a woman and potentially going out on a date. In my 15 years of dating, so far, I have had to rely on myself to make a move first. And trust me, most of that time was spent missing opportunities either due to lack of confidence or completely missing the fact that a girl was flirting back.
I will concede that with online dating, women have begun to step up to the plate more often, but the spread is still fairly large.
What are you’re thoughts on this?
Do you think if you stop looking for “the one”, or even your next partner for a significant relationship, they will end up eventually fall into your lap?
Has the line on who needs to initiate contact/flirting begun to fade? Do you believe most of the “pressure” still falls on the guy? Are women becoming more bold and making advances first towards a guy these days?