Hello. Again. It is I. Someone suggested that I get the rest of this breakup feelings out, so I’m doing it! My apologies if this is getting exhaustive.
A simple question(s) first, and then you can read the story if you choose. How long are you supposed to take to move on?
Is there a “Woah, that’s hella long, you need therapy” point in time for moving on? Is that weird “Take your relationship length and half it” thing true? Does this even apply to those dang first loves?
I had my first relationship, ever, (good lord it may be my last) when I was 18. And that, to my surprise, lasted until I was 20, my current age. I would deem it my “first love” for sure. I don’t want to say I was prepared to marry the guy or anything, but here in the south, there was some pressure to go towards that. It was quite a serious thing from my freshman to junior year of college. It was also a pretty positive first relationship too, so I am grateful for that.
Anyways, it turned into an LDR towards the tail end, and with a mixture of factors, and also a ill-fated, no-one-knew-how-long-we’d-be-apart-maybe-over-three-years long distance thing hanging over our heads, we broke up. It was not too ugly, but it was pretty bad in that, you know, first serious break up and all the feelings and “OH GAWD I’ll never love again and everything we had is gone” stuff.
That was almost three months ago. And while I’m doing better than I expected, I have those moments, where he pops up onto my newsfeed via mutual friend (I haven’t deleted him, but I have not looked at his page ONCE. I’m pretty proud. Next step is deleting.) this pit in my stomach feeling appears. Not the good kind. Also, the knowledge (against my will) that he has already moved on to another relationship does not help at all.
I feel stunted in moving on. I mean, geez! He’s already got a new girlfriend! What does that say about me? That I am probably stuck in this moving on limbo.
I feel like a nuisance venting to my friends and family at this point in time. The first month? Fine. You go vent, girl! Now, nope.
My sister chides me, “Look, rice, why are you still stuck on him? It’s sad that you can’t move on. Oh…it’s only been 3 months? It seems like longer. Either way, suck it up. He sucked.”
I understand. Who wants to hear anger and sadness about a person more than a few times? So I keep it to a bare minimum. And so I’m stuck in my head with these thoughts.
I don’t think it’s normal that I have that lurch in my stomach when I see a picture of him? So I tell myself.
I sort of feel like I have this pressure from my parents and sister to quickly move on from this and onto something else. But it’s really hard to forget for me. He was literally my first EVERYTHING, and once a really close friend.
Oh, gosh, I’m sorry guys. I’ve talked too much.
Who’s excited for the end of the world?