This is something that occurred to me recently as I scrolled past a 14 year old on my facebook newsfeed claiming they had found their “soulmate” and that they were in “love”.

Now sidenote: I’m Muslim, and that means I can’t date (at least not traditionally), so I’ve never been in a relationship and have only seen dating from an outsider’s perspective.

Which brings me to my question; how early can you find true love? That of course, is assuming you can “find” true love. In theory, shouldn’t love be something that’s cultivated? And so could those 14 year olds be in true love, and they’re just not aware of it?

What are your thoughts? (and remember, I’ve never dated before).

I had been dating the most amazing man. We had so much in common and spent a lot of time together – typically 4 out of 7 nights with a lot of texting and talking when we weren’t together. This week out if nowhere he says he’s going to try to get back together with his ex-wife after being divorced for 5 years after she cheated on him. They have a 6 year old together. I feel totally blindsided and hurt by this. We had plans for this weekend and last week he was making future plans with me.
Why would he give up a good relationship for someone who did that to him? Of course he says he wants to be friends-should I try to do that? I’m so sad and confused and hurt. Any advice?

So I’ve been single for about three years and have signed up for a few dating websites in that time. I tried the paid sites, but they were crap and I never got anywhere because no one else was paying for them, so I went to the free ones like Plenty of Fish and OKCupid. I met a girl on one of those sites (I’m a guy) and we went on a date last week. She was great conversation and quite intelligent, but there was no attraction. I could see myself being friends with her, but there has to be some level of attraction for me to date someone. And I’m not talking just physical attraction, I’m not that shallow. We have a lot in common, but I just didn’t feel anything for her. The other problem is that she’s pushing for a physical relationship, if I hadn’t had to leave the date early she would have wanted to take it there that night. I’m not that easy. Now she’s wondering if she did something wrong and I have no clue what to tell her. Any thoughts?

“Midway through the journey of our life
I found myself in a forest dark
For the straight path had been lost.” –Dante, “Inferno”, Canto I

This one’s so knotted and convoluted, I’m not sure how I’ve managed to get this far without joining the Peace Corps or blowing my brains out.

A few years ago, I met a woman online. One of those “free weekend” things. The conversation went well, we met up, there was an undeniable spark. But, as the Bard pointed out, the course of true love never did run smooth. And it’s reached a point where somebody’s going to get hurt, somebody’s going to be unhappy, and nothing will ever be the same again.

The first hitch is probably the biggest one. She’s Muslim, I’m not. At first, she explicitly said she didn’t want me to convert, that she believed I was a good man and worth marrying. But about a year or so in, she expressed that she felt she had been wrong, that it was important to her to marry a Muslim man. I have not had any particular interest in converting, not even to make her happy. Yes, it would make things “easier,” but it wouldn’t necessarily be right. I’d feel like a fraud. The complication to this is that most of the basic tenets of Islam, I don’t have a major problem with. Indeed, there’s a lot of similarity between Islam and my personal belief system. I quit going to church a long time ago; Baptist shenanigans in Colorado in the early 90s pretty much killed my affiliation with organized religion. I never stopped believing in God, but I became very skeptical about what everybody said about Him. A further complication is that while there is a literalist prohibition against Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men (which requires a certain translation of the Quran, looking only at Sura 2, Verse 221, and a completely inflexible mindset), several Islamic scholars have pointed out that the Quran is supposed to be applied contextually, that a blanket prohibition must be examined on a case-by-case basis. That philosophy, combined with a recent book by Imam Feisal Rauf which addresses and condones such an arrangement, was briefly exciting and hopeful to her, but then was shot down later.

This leads into the second big hitch: her parents. They have no idea this has been going on. Now, I did meet her mom a few months after we started seeing each other, and she was completely horrified. Worse, my girl couldn’t open her mouth. It’s like she just went completely mute. And so her mom thought I just buggered off into the ether, while my girl and I kept seeing each other. Her dad knows nothing. The complication here is that while she really doesn’t give a damn about what her father thinks, she still lives at home (she’s well past the age she can rent cars, much less be on her own), and she wants to avoid upsetting him because she’s afraid he’ll lash out at her mom and her brothers over her behavior. He’s certifiably crazy, and abusive, and he treats everybody in his family like crap. I’m pretty sure this has screwed my girl up in so many ways. One of the more insidious ones, I think, is that she’s been abused mentally and emotionally in such a persistent fashion, she conflates or associates punishment from her father with punishment from God. She genuinely believes she will go to Hell if she keeps seeing me or marries me if I don’t convert. Of course, the suggestion that she may have suffered mental or emotional abuse gets her hackles up and she flat out refuses to see a counselor or therapist. Her mom’s been so beaten down, she won’t go against her husband, and my girl’s desperate to keep that relationship good no matter what.

The third hitch is smaller, but still problematic. I don’t necessarily want to convert, and I kind of resent the idea that I have to convert. I know my dad won’t be put out of joint one way or the other, but my mom broke down in tears at the mere suggestion. She’s kind of in the same boat I am, but she’s kept more of the Christian theological elements than I have. That said, she’s not a zealot, or a Bible thumper, or one of those idiot Westboro people. But she does have the same problem I’m having: the label. She doesn’t quite grasp emotionally that those idiots in Tehran and Gaza and Mali and Afghanistan are the exception more than the rule. She sees the zealotry in them and she recoils from it. So do I. But they’re no more the exemplars of Islam than the Westboro Baptist Church is a model of Christianity. I dislike the label because I’m certain that it’s going to stop the vast majority of people from actually thinking or bothering to get to know me. And I don’t like the idea that the label is going to change how people who already know me are going to look at me. If I were going to convert under any other circumstances, I would not be running around proclaiming, “You’re godless infidels! Allah will smite you all!” I want us all to get along: Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Taoist, agnostic, even atheist. We may not agree, but I have to believe we can be neighbors, and friends, and family to each other.

I love this woman dearly. I know she loves me. I know she’s convinced she will go to Hell if I don’t convert, and I don’t believe she’s right. I don’t see God going to the trouble of putting us in each other’s path just to toy with us. None of the 99 names of God in Islam translate out to “the Dick.” I don’t feel comfortable converting just to make somebody else happy.

I went on one date with a guy I met at an event. We had a lot in common but I think it was more of a friendly/non-physical vibe. We texted for a few days after, and then I let him I would rather talk on the phone or hang out again b/c I’m not a fan of the back & forth texting. It went silent after that. I really liked his personality and would like to hang out with him on a friendly basis…would it be weird to contact him to do this?

So my name is Megan and I have a problem. Someone that my brother is Best friends with told me that he loves me. I don’t know if I should believe him or what because my life has 1,000 twists and turns. Me and my best friend (we call each other Bestfwiends) just had a fight and it was stressfull. Anyway this kids name is Aaron and I love him back. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want my mom to be mad because she doesn’t approve of Aaron. Last night we were together and we were laying on the floor. My brother were in the room with his friend Lucas and I don’t think I can handle that because Lucas has told me numerous times he wanted to have sex with me. He always bugs me about it and I don’t know what to do. So I guess my question is what should I do about Aaron because I love him back, but my mom doesn’t approve. He lays on me and hugs me all the time and he’s really sweet and nice but my mom doesn’t approve so should I not tell my mom about him or what should I do because I’m confused. Thanks for all of your help.

So here I am back yet again. Some months ago I submitted a blurb about my boyfriend and I, who were under scrutiny from my mom. She told me to break up with him or else. At that time I basically felt like I only had one choice, so I decided to lie to her and tell her I broke up with him. We have been seeing each other in secret for many months now. Well, our relationship has progressed very well since then and even though it may seem quick we have both decided we are ready to move in together. So I decided to stop being a coward and to tell my family about him. None of them are very pleased.

There are several reasons they are unhappy with my relationship but it basically all stems back to one thing alone; his age. He is 10 years older then me. (I am 20, he is 30) They have all expressed that is their biggest and main concern with the relationship. Although none of them have ever met him they have decided to judge him and make assumptions about him. They have said everything from him being a cheating dog, who is lying about his military career and about who his kids are, and why him and his wife divorced; to him being a manipulative and controlling man who only wants to get me pregnant, make me quit school and take care of him so he can sit at home all day and be taken care of. None of these things are true and he has never given me a reason to doubt him or to think of him as controlling.

A little background on him: he has two kids and has been divorced once. He got divorced because he found his ex-wife cheating on him with numerous men after she forced him to quit the military. He has tried a few times to move to the states that his children have lived in to be closer with them. However, finances have always ended up sending him back to the state we currently live in. Now his kids live in Minnesota and as much as he wants to be with them, he can’t financially just up and move to that state. He talks on the phone with his children everyday and keeps up a constant relationship with them. He is a very good father to his kids and has never given me reason to believe otherwise. His ex-wife acts…exactly like he describes and is generally unpleasent. She knows about us being in a relationship, he does not hide me from her at all. He is never secretive about her either and always lets me see texts and lets me know whats going on with his kids. He has a steady job here, and can afford to provide for us both, so money is not an issue for us. He has never once been controlling. He always tells me “Whatever you want to do, its your choice.” He has NEVER held me back from friends or my family. He willingly hangs out with any of my friends and all of them love him. He has a great relationship with his family and talks on the phone with his parents almost everyday. I have met his parents and love them! They are very happy for us and supportive of our relationship as well.

He supports me in getting my degree and has offered to help pay for school if it becomes a burden financially on me, and has also offered that if I wanted to, I could quit my job to focus on school if I wanted to. Currently, I pay for school by myself and receive no help financially from my parents. I do it with loans and savings from working so that is not an issue.

My parents and my brothers are all completely against this relationship. Although I try to tell them the actual facts about him when we have “discussions” they refuse to listen and will retort with things like “well you can’t tell me he isn’t this way, and if you are trying to, you’re lying!” I basically can never get any word in and just respond with “ok” any time they say anything which only makes them madder. As far as meeting him, none of them want to. They threaten that they will beat him up if I ever try to bring him around the house or move out with him, which I find completely ridiculous and childish to threaten on their part. I am trying to handle this in an adult manner and every one of them is acting quite the opposite.

I am pretty unhappy with my current living situation because I feel like I never get anytime to be myself living with them. I am constantly nagged and talked at about how I should be living my life to their expectations and how I should be acting a certain way and dressing a certain way. They are always mad that I’m simply not home enough to be around them. They are all extremely invasive and always want to know exactly what I’m doing or where I am to the point that I feel suffocated. They want to know everything about my school work, or paperwork I have to take care of, homework I have to do. Its everything from work and school to my period and my eating habits. They feel it all must be public information to them. My mom is always telling me things like “You’re exactly like me and when I was your age I always wanted this..*lists xyz*” which I absolutely hate hearing. I feel like they don’t want me to be independent in the way that I want to be.

For me, I know this relationship with my boyfriend will last. I love him with all my heart and I know he does as well. Although my family says very awful things about him, he is still going to stick by me. The issue is not that I am doubting us as a couple. There is honestly, not a doubt in my mind that moving in with him is the right decision. What I am having trouble with is how to progress from here with my parents while still keeping a relationship with them intact. I am almost beginning to think it’s impossible. There’s only so much I can take of them calling me dumb for going out with him, and belittling my relationship and my feelings in the situation and frankly, Ive had enough of it. I told them that my boyfriend was very willing to meet them, and that I was not doing this to intentionally cut off contact with them or abandon them. Yet they believe I am doing exactly that.

My mom specifically has now been telling me that I am making everyone in my family unhappy and that I need to break up with my boyfriend because I need to be considerate of them and their feelings in this. She has also threatened that if I do move out that it will probably cause too much stress for her and my dad and has said they will probably “keel over and die” if I do. She is basically trying to guilt trip me into staying. Yet, not once has she been considerate of my feelings or asked if I was happy with my boyfriend or anything like that. It drives me crazy!

So basically my questions come down to these: How do I proceed with my parents and family? Do I try and force them to meet my boyfriend before I move in with him or just move in and wait till they are ready to meet him? Is there anything I can ever do to make them see that my boyfriend is a good man or just accept the fact that they will never accept him? At this point, I just want to do what I know is best for me and will make me happy in the long run. Is that so wrong?

I was just wanting to get some general thoughts on moving in together.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months. He lives about fifteen or twenty minutes away, and I have a very good deal on an apartment in an ideal location. If I want to keep my two-bedroom apartment for another year, I have to re-sign the lease soon. My current roommate is moving out of town and so she wouldn’t be re-signing, but my boyfriend and I have been seriously talking about moving in together. The location is great for both of us, the management is great, the apartment is nice, and the price is perfect for both of us (he’d be saving a lot of money with the price of rent, and it’s low enough that I could actually afford it).

I would love to have him move in with me and live together. We pretty much haven’t spent a night apart in the last 5 months (my roommate is perfectly fine with him being here so much, I swear!), so it’s safe to say that this is something we both want and could handle sharing a living space. I guess what frightens me is basing the living situation of the next year (and then some) on how the previous six months have gone, even though the past 6 months have gone great. We’ve been spending a ton of time together, we get along well, and when we don’t get along we’re pretty good about talking it out afterward, changing our behavior, and implementing strategies for more effective communication.

Basically, I feel like we would love living together and we’d do a good job of it, but when I remove myself from the situation and think about making such an important, long-term decision based on a relatively small amount of time, I start to feel less sure.

Does anyone have their own personal guidelines when it comes to moving in with SOs? Any words of advice? Warnings? Encouragement?

Hi! I am getting back into online dating and need some advice when it comes to the About Me section of my profile.
Here it is:
I am looking for someone to share my life with. I like to travel, visit with friends and family and take lots of pictures. I am seeking someone who shares these interests. I love to laugh so a sense of humor, sarcastic or otherwise, is a definite plus. I am a reporter by profession so I am generally better with asking the questions and writing a story than answering the questions. I hope to find someone that can help me open up and bring out the best in me. Although I might be shy at first, once I get to know someone I am an open book. My family and friends are very important to me and that is who I spend most of my time with when I am not working. I am looking for a man who both compliments and challenges me; a man who accepts me for who I am yet challenges me never to remain complacent. He will push me to strive to constantly grow as a person in one form or another. If you are interested, send me an email to find out more.

Let me know what you think. Thanks!

Hi everyone! So I haven’t been getting any responses lately to the messages I’ve been sending out online. About 20-25 of the last messages have gotten no response, and some of the guys are even listed as “replies often”. The messages I tend to send out are something like “Hi! I’m {name}. I also enjoy hiking, what are some of your favorite places to hike around here? How long have you lived in this area?” I’ll usually mention something I like about their profile or comment on something intriguing. Maybe I just need to be hotter or something, or get better photos, but it’s kind of depressing to be getting no response. Anyway, here’s my profile – any input would be appreciated! I did just edit it recently and took out some info that I didn’t think was that relevant. But the messages I’ve sent out since then haven’t gotten a response either. The headers are automatically part of the profile.

My self-summary
I’m working as a meteorologist in {area redacted}. Weather is my passion, especially severe weather, and I would love to see a tornado…it’s one of my life goals. I’ve gone storm chasing in the Great Plains, and had an amazing experience, but didn’t see any tornadoes. I enjoy yoga and hiking – this is such a beautiful area with many great places to hike! I’m a Yankee fan, and can get into pretty much any sport – college hockey is another fun one. I love a good microbrew and think it’s great that there are so many local breweries making tasty beer. I have a soft spot for wine from the Finger Lakes as I went to college in that region and have visited many of the wineries there. I like traveling to places both new and familiar, and enjoying the local food and drink. I’ve been to 36 states and hope to visit all 50 eventually.

What I’m doing with my life
I’m a meteorologist for a private forecasting company. I’ve wanted to be a meteorologist since I was 9, so it’s pretty cool that I’m actually doing that now.

I’m really good at
Cooking and baking, trivia, naming a song as soon as it comes on the radio, being enthusiastic about the weather.

The first things people usually notice about me
My wavy hair.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Prep, Wild, The Things They Carried, Watership Down, Girl With a Pearl Earring, A Prayer For Owen Meany.

Movies: Hard to pick. My favorite movie that I’ve seen recently is Argo. Clueless is a timeless classic.

TV Shows: The Office, Mad Men, How I Met Your Mother, and Glee.

Music: Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, Billy Joel, The Eagles, Bob Seger, Elton John, Dave Matthews Band, Barenaked Ladies, Foo Fighters, Jimmy Eat World, Counting Crows, and many more.

Foods: HOT buffalo wings, a good burger, homemade lasagna, pizza (especially my dad’s homemade kind), short ribs, Indian, Thai, Mexican, any kind of hot and spicy food.

The six things I could never do without
Excluding the obvious: music, laughter, photos, my computer, thunderstorms, books. I spend a lot of time thinking about

On a typical Friday night I am
Having a drink with a friend or at home relaxing.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I was in 5th grade, I fell in a lake in front of my first ever crush.

You should message me if
You are a guy who does any of the following: cooks, gardens, is handy around the house and with cars, plays an instrument, loves animals, owns a record player. I find those things to be quite sexy.