How soon is too soon to move in together?

I was just wanting to get some general thoughts on moving in together.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months. He lives about fifteen or twenty minutes away, and I have a very good deal on an apartment in an ideal location. If I want to keep my two-bedroom apartment for another year, I have to re-sign the lease soon. My current roommate is moving out of town and so she wouldn’t be re-signing, but my boyfriend and I have been seriously talking about moving in together. The location is great for both of us, the management is great, the apartment is nice, and the price is perfect for both of us (he’d be saving a lot of money with the price of rent, and it’s low enough that I could actually afford it).

I would love to have him move in with me and live together. We pretty much haven’t spent a night apart in the last 5 months (my roommate is perfectly fine with him being here so much, I swear!), so it’s safe to say that this is something we both want and could handle sharing a living space. I guess what frightens me is basing the living situation of the next year (and then some) on how the previous six months have gone, even though the past 6 months have gone great. We’ve been spending a ton of time together, we get along well, and when we don’t get along we’re pretty good about talking it out afterward, changing our behavior, and implementing strategies for more effective communication.

Basically, I feel like we would love living together and we’d do a good job of it, but when I remove myself from the situation and think about making such an important, long-term decision based on a relatively small amount of time, I start to feel less sure.

Does anyone have their own personal guidelines when it comes to moving in with SOs? Any words of advice? Warnings? Encouragement?

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2 thoughts on “How soon is too soon to move in together?

  1. EricaSwagger says:

    [Nobody can tell you yes or no, that’s up to you. What works for one couple may not work for another. But one thing I can definitely say is that saving money should NEVER be the best/top reason for moving in with a significant other. Moving in with a friend or getting a roommate to save some money is so much different than moving in with a boyfriend. With friends, it’s about as complicated as a college roommate relationship. Mutual respect for each other is all it requires.

    When you move in with someone you’re also intimate with, it adds a whole layer of feelings, potential issues, and resentment that a 6 month relationship probably is not ready to deal with.

    I think most people would strongly discourage you from moving in together this early on. Six months, you’re still in that honeymoon period of a relationship, when everything is fun and new and you’re still learning so much about each other. It’s not best to make decisions during this time, because your feelings for the other person can cloud your judgement. Yeah, living together sounds super exciting when your relationship is all sex and fun. But what happens when you lose your job and now he then has to support you? What happens if he cheats on you? What happens if you break up and have to stick out the lease?

    If you’re seriously considering taking this step, you should talk with a few different people in your life. Set out a list of all the things that you and your boyfriend will have to deal with if you move in together (money, job loss, breakups, friends and family visits, chores, expectations, decorating ideas, etc.) and then sit down and have a real discussion with him about it, in a practical way.

    Right now you probably feel like “Well we get along so well, we’ll work stuff out” or “I’d never cheat on him” but shit happens. Go into the situation understanding that the odds are against you. Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn’t break up? Pull yourselves out of the new relationship haze and focus on being practical. It may end up that you talk it all out and still think it can work. Then go for it.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [I think this is a really tricky situation, and here’s why:

    When you post a question like this, naturally, you want encouragement. You want people to say, “Go for it.” You want people to tell you that they, too, moved in after only six months, and it was an amazing experience. And then, you’ll think, “Sweet, this can totally work!”

    At the same time, every couple is different. And what worked for another couple may not work for you (and vice versa). And I’m sure you realize that on some level. Because if people instead commented that they did once move in together after only six months, and it was a horrible experience, your first thought would probably be, “Yeah, but you don’t know us and how well we get along!”

    Do you see the problem here?

    In a situation like this, when you phrase the question in the way you did, you’re kind of making it impossible for people to give you advice, because it’s obvious what you’re hoping to hear. So, because it is obvious that you want to move in together, and you truly believe it can work, I’d say….

    Go for it.

    But, make sure you take adequate precautions just in case it doesn’t work out — stuff along the lines of Erica’s second-to-last paragraph. Make sure you have a frank discussion with each other about what you would do if you did break up. Who would move out? Who would stay? What would be the timeline for moving out? How would the finances be split?

    All I can say here is… be careful.

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