Ok, so I met this guy about 6 months ago, oddly enough he was my car salesman. He was very charismatic, and easy going but something about him made me nervous, so I was intrigued. He kept it professional up until the end of our encounter where he asked me out for drinks. This was a weird situation because he said he would pick me up around 7. He didn’t call until 8, we didn’t meet up until 10, I drive to meet up with him and we ended up going to a club. I had cancelled all previous arrangements and I really wanted to get to know him so I just went with the flow even though sometimes I thought it would have been better to just stay home. For the first few months we would talk on the phone pretty regularly, he would FaceTime me a lot but when it came to texting he was kind of bad at it. So it got to a point where I would only see him when or if I was drunk, this was because he would always hit me up at these times lol, but when ever I actually tried to be around him when I was sober he would ignore my calls. Now he only comes around every so often to hook up, when we talk he is really sweet and understanding unless I say something that he doesn’t like. Then he will be kind of rude. I really like him but I want to get to know him on a deeper level, I just wonder if it’s a waste of my time or if I should Persue him. I’ll admit I don’t try to call/text him often, but that’s only because I hate being rejected. So my question here I guess is was this all my fault? Or is it that he just doesn’t know what he wants and I make it easy for him to just come around whenever he feels like it?

The skinny: I am a man with a girlfriend of 2 years. We are both in other relationships (complicated) but in effect have agreed to be monogamous with each other. We are in love and relationship is as good as can be given our circumstances. Recently, she was asked to housesit for a lesbian friend. My girlfriend invited me over to the friend’s house while she was away and we spent an early evening and the next afternoon together there at the house. While we were lying in the friend’s bed the afternoon in question, she discovered 2 used condoms in the trash next to the bed. I saw them–they did not appear to have anything in them. She acted shocked and disgusted, as did I. We openly wondered about them, being that we also found lube and sex toys belonging to the friend. As stated, the friend is a lesbian and has never been with a man. She does have a girlfriend, also a full lesbian.

My girlfriend stayed the entire night before I was there on her own, as well as after 9pm the night I was with her. We had a lot of sex the night I was there, and did not use condoms. We have never used them once in our relationship. As mentioned, my girlfriend has another relationship I know about (existed before I met her). I’m not sure if she has or would use them in that relationship. She denied her ‘other man’ was ever there, and it is assumed no other man would have been there. As mentioned, we have agreed to be monogamous outside of our other relationships (again, complicated). If it had been her ‘other man’ she would not admit this to me, for various reasons, nor would she ever admit to being with someone else, so I am left having to trust her or not.

The circumstances to her finding the condoms was such that as I was within 2 feet of the trash can when she looked in and saw them. She then showed me. Either she was surprised someone she had been with had placed them there or they weren’t hers and she was genuinely shocked.

My initial reaction was to wonder who they could have been used by. She saw my questioning look, but I quickly got over it when I discounted her cheating on me. Now she acts hurt and offended due to me thinking they were from her and someone else. I feel she was justified in being hurt (if she is innocent) and I feel justified in having an initial questioning reaction (used condoms in the lesbian’s bedroom she used for 2 nights without me). I understand someone feeling like they aren’t trusted. It’s not a good feeling. I will say I have never disbelieved her before and my reaction lasted only moments before we moved on from it. She told me if the shoe had been on the other foot she would not have suspected me even for a moment. I strongly doubt this, knowing her the way I do.

I am in a quandary. I won’t get into the dynamics of our relationship other than to say we are very emotionally and physically connected. Our ‘other’ relationships are not like that.

Questions:

1) Chances the condoms were hers, given the circumstances?

2) If they weren’t hers, what other plausible explanations?

3) Am I an asshole for even suspecting her, or is that a normal reaction given those circumstances?

Thanks!

I have a book full of issues but what it comes down to is that i’m never enough. Not for my bio or step father. Not for the men i’ve loved and currently love. I am in a poly relationship with two men who regularly profess their love for me and that they don’t want to lose me but they shut me out. Emotionally, sexually. It hurts and pissed me off to the point of tears but I don’t know what to do. They both have other stresses in their lives, but does that mean that I should be tossed aside yet AGAIN? I am sad, lost, and tired of trying to be strong.

My friend was supposed to get married this year. His gf cheated; they called off wedding. He and I have been close platonic friends for years but have recently made deeper emotional connection. We almost hooked up recently logistically, due to distance, it didn’t happen but we have admitted romantic feelings are there. (There was NOTHING before wedding. EVER.) He says he definitely wants to get together but is in bad place emotionally right now. Doesn’t want me to see this side of him. Says I mean a lot to him. . . This guy is not a jerk and has never been a jerk. I know he’s depressed. I want to wait for him because he’s an honest, sincere person who is going through a rough patch. I’m trying to give him space but I’m not sure what to do. If he were just any other guy, I’d be out. I have a deep connection with him and want to wait for him. What do I do? How do I give him space but how do I respect myself in the process? I wouldn’t be writing this if he didn’t mean so much to me. Please provide honest but constructive advice. Thanx.

Been with this for almost 4 years. Helped him get in a home, helped him get two cars, helped his son. Last month he told me he felt like he was in prison. He could not take the relationship. He wanted to be free. This coming from a man that spent ten years in his last relationship. Then he told me he could not get over how she treated him. He told me he loved me and thought the world of me. I cannot understand. I think of him all the time and just want to cry. I try to stay busy, but sometimes it overwelming. I want to move on, but it is like I am stuck.

I have been dating this amazing girl, who I am currently in a long-distance relationship with right now, for the past almost 3 years now, I’ll call her Jane, and I love her very much. However, she is a little unstable emotionally and unsure about her career choice, so I have no idea whether our lives will continue to coincide or if they will soon go in different directions. Recently I met another girl, let’s call her Lucy, who shares very many good traits with Jane and I see her everyday. They each have their differences, but their differences are each good in its own way. Jane is very clever, but wouldn’t generally be considered intelligent, however Lucy does have an intelligence that builds well off of my thoughts. I like having very philosophical/thought-provoking conversations, and while both listen, only Lucy tries to give her input as well. Jane has been hurt by many guys, so that, along with her emotional instability, forces me to check myself consistently so I don’t end up hurting her. I feel drawn to both, but I don’t want to choose one and lose the other. What should I do?

well .. i have such a weird situation, and i feel shy to speak about it to my friends, so that’s why i decided to ask here , to hide my identity .. i got lately ( 3 months ago ) into a relationship, and the gril leaves far away, but we’ll meet , cuz she usually comes to my country for her holidays, that’s awesome .. only one problem here, the girl is so so so pretty and hot, like i have to admit she’s too far away from my league, while i’m black , i mean i don’t feel ashamed of being black, i’m not ugly, i’m just normal dude, the girl is so so so pretty .. i’m so worried that she dislikes me in real life, in all pics that we share she says i’m brown , but in fact i’m not like totally dark skinned but more likely dark brown, i speak alot about difference in skin colors cuz i have suffered that alot .. to be honest i have an equilbrated body, almost no fat and healthy and tall, i mean i’m not the worst .. the girl said that i’m brown but she really loves that skin , i mean that made me feel so good, but i’m afraid that she said that just to make me feel good, in the other hand she always tell me i’m handsome, while i know myself i’m not .. so that’s why as she over reacted about my look, it may also does the same with my skin, i’m afraid, and so nervous ..

Well, it’s hard for me to explain everything but for the past year I’ve been dating a guy who I really love and want to have a future with, but my dad doesn’t like him at all, I’m 19 now and I just had a baby and I didn’t know that I was pregnant at all, I had gone to the hospital and I found out because i was having really bad stomach cramps but they were contractions, I now have the baby but I still live with my dad and my boyfriend and has limited visitation with her because my dad doesn’t like him coming over at all, The most to see his daughters maybe once a week if any, my boyfriend doesn’t like it at all and I understand why because he wants to see his daughter, Plus the fact that he was adopted and she is the only blood relative he has now, he lives with his roommates which are his best friends too and just recently had offered for me to move in (before I knew I was pregnant), but I didn’t want to upset my dad so I have been staying home and I figured that I could wait out a little while and see if I could save up money with my boyfriend just to get an apartment here in the near future, but now within the time period of three years or maybe less, depending, his roommates are planning on moving all the way up to Michigan and we live in Georgia, and they still leave the offer for me to move in with them even though they’re going to Michigan and my boyfriend plans on going with them and he wants me to go with them too, but my dad isnt in the best of health and I’m afraid if it does happen sooner I might not be able to be there for my dad because my dad isnt in the best of health and I’m afraid it does happen sooner if it happens at all that I might not be able to be there for him, he had cancer not want to go and he only has one lung to function with. Also adding in that my dad likes to control almost everything in my life too and he’ll guilt trip me, I don’t want to live at home for much longer especially now that I have a baby, but I’m afraid that my dad will hate me when I try to leave, I’m afraid that if I do move all the way to Michigan that something will happen to my dad or someone else in my family, and I’m just scared in general of what would happen if I do go or if I don’t go, because the main worry I have is that I want my daughter to have the best life possible, and o know that it won’t be living at my parents but I don’t want to be so far away :c

Ive spent most of my life stuck in an unusual sort of rut when it comes to matters of my love life.

Which is to say…. I dont have one. Im 24 years old and Ive never really managed to get past that initial flirty fun stage of meeting someone and going “Hey, they are pretty cute. Im gonna wave at them…. and maybe say hello.” The part where you get butterflies when you see them across the room and are dying to just find out more about them and blush all the time.

Ive always been extremely shy/ quiet and extremely insecure and the older I get the worse it seems to get. I spend a lot of time internally wondering what I look like to other people, mainly…. men, or worrying that Im not likable or wondering what it is that makes every interaction Ive ever had with a man end at or before the casual flirting stage.

For a while I just chalked it up to being fat and unattractive. I convinced myself any perceived flirting has always been a figment of my imagination and gave up on the very concept of dating all together. Ive told myself Im too picky and set the bar too high and Ive told myself that Im unapproachable and unfriendly.

Now though, Im pretty certain thats not the case and I dont know which is worse…. believing you’re too ugly to be loved…. or believing there is something wrong with who you are as a person, like being too socially awkward and making people cringe with your almost autistic levels of social awkwardness.

Im less and less certain that my looks or my believed inability to flirt are to blame because I made a pretty interesting hindsight realization shortly after graduating college.

There were plenty of people in school that I found attractive but I had 5 significant “crushes” within my field of study. All of which I immediately labelled “too cool” or “too attractive” or “too taken” or “too popular” for me to ever approach. So I quietly admired them from a distance. Of those 5, by my 4th year of school, 3 of them had at one point or another decided to go out of their way to talk to me and became a casual acquaintance that would happily make friendly small talk with me in the hallways or on the elevator or while walking down the street near the school, 1 became my friend, and would often walk me to my car after our shared night class. Only 1 of those 5 did I never really end up getting approached and befriended by. He turned out to be kind of a jerk in general. But were still friends on facebook none the less. Now, maybe Im reading too much into things, it really wouldnt be the first time. Or maybe my ability to attract the opposite sex and flirt non-verbally was way more on point and less creepy and clumsy than I thought it was.

However thats where each of those tales ends. I havent seen most of them or heard from them since graduation day other than a small facebook comment here or there. Even IF I ran into them Im sure it would be the same as it was in school, where we greet each other like were old friends, catch up on what the other has been up to, swap a story or two about our experiences in our field of study….. and then part ways.

Now fast forward closer to the present. Ive been out of school for a little over a year and a half but Ive been incredibly busy just….. trying to start a new life for myself. I moved pretty far from my family, got a new job and a new apartment and basically turned my world upside down. To be honest I wasnt thinking about guys all that much for a while. Id been much more concerned with keeping my junker car running and keeping in touch with family and living on my own for the first time in my life and learning to live with another person thats not my family. I never did the dorm thing in college so this was all so new!

And thats when HE starts working at the store. I noticed him on his very first day, almost immediately as I walked into work. The perfect target for my crush-radar to zero in on. And Im not the only one. Every female with eyes takes notice of this new guy. He is handsome, and younger…. with an easy smile and an outgoing personality.

Annnd within that week of hearing about this new guy, and seeing how all the women in the store are charmed by him I decide he falls into the “too attractive for me” spectrum and turn my focus back to my job. I still look at him of course…. hes the only decent piece of eye candy in the whole store…. but Im careful to keep my distance and never meet his gaze directly unless hes speaking to me. Which he does, every now and again– but he does with every other girl as well. He turns out to be quite the attention seeker.

Now fast forward another 4 months and all those moments that I had previously perceived as him just peacocking in general for all the ladies are suddenly seeming less and less like they are meant for any of my coworkers. He starts bringing me snacks and sitting with me when we’re both on break and taking interest in some of the things I like/ asking me basic “get to know” questions. He winks at me in passing and makes faces and gives me high fives. My confidence for once in my life is at an all time high so for once I dont talk myself out of believing that its flirting and I do what I can to flirt back without totally giving myself a social anxiety panic attack.

That was a month ago.

Now were in some kind of a stale mate. We smile at each other and wave and greet each other, we steal glances and occasionally make very G rated flirty remarks to each other in passing, stick out our tongues at each other and make very casual small talk– like “how about this weather” kind of small talk.

And thats it. If theres some kind of window when that kind of flirting can turn into something more I fear Ive missed it…. once again. And now Im sitting here wondering why nothing ever goes further. Why the guys that show interest in me never show enough interest to get my number or “make a move” or get to know me beyond the very basics. Wondering what I should be saying or doing differently to turn a guy putting his arm around me casually and saying “hey sweetheart. Hows it going?” into a guy wanting to date me.

And I know…. That guys fear rejection just as much as girls and I know that always waiting for a guy to make a move is somewhat outdated thinking. Its not that I havent tried being the one to make the move. I have. Id prefer not to go there again though because Ive never not made an absolute fool of myself or been completely taken advantage of when I did try things that way.

So 3 years ago my Longterm boyfriend went on a business/pleasure trip with his two guy friends and this girl he was doing a shoot for out of town. They all shared a room with two beds. Long story short I found out that he had slept in the same bed with her for a night or two. I was mad at him but coped with it because I know that nothing happened with them sharing a room and all. One of the guys that was on the trip with him is a good friend. I began to really dislike the woman for it even though he should have given up the bed and let her sleep in it. I feel like they both are wrong. 3 years later he still does business with her and even invited her out with us and some friends. I called him out on it and he just gets upset with me saying that it was a long time ago like I should be over it