Family/Relationship/Living situation issues

Well, it’s hard for me to explain everything but for the past year I’ve been dating a guy who I really love and want to have a future with, but my dad doesn’t like him at all, I’m 19 now and I just had a baby and I didn’t know that I was pregnant at all, I had gone to the hospital and I found out because i was having really bad stomach cramps but they were contractions, I now have the baby but I still live with my dad and my boyfriend and has limited visitation with her because my dad doesn’t like him coming over at all, The most to see his daughters maybe once a week if any, my boyfriend doesn’t like it at all and I understand why because he wants to see his daughter, Plus the fact that he was adopted and she is the only blood relative he has now, he lives with his roommates which are his best friends too and just recently had offered for me to move in (before I knew I was pregnant), but I didn’t want to upset my dad so I have been staying home and I figured that I could wait out a little while and see if I could save up money with my boyfriend just to get an apartment here in the near future, but now within the time period of three years or maybe less, depending, his roommates are planning on moving all the way up to Michigan and we live in Georgia, and they still leave the offer for me to move in with them even though they’re going to Michigan and my boyfriend plans on going with them and he wants me to go with them too, but my dad isnt in the best of health and I’m afraid if it does happen sooner I might not be able to be there for my dad because my dad isnt in the best of health and I’m afraid it does happen sooner if it happens at all that I might not be able to be there for him, he had cancer not want to go and he only has one lung to function with. Also adding in that my dad likes to control almost everything in my life too and he’ll guilt trip me, I don’t want to live at home for much longer especially now that I have a baby, but I’m afraid that my dad will hate me when I try to leave, I’m afraid that if I do move all the way to Michigan that something will happen to my dad or someone else in my family, and I’m just scared in general of what would happen if I do go or if I don’t go, because the main worry I have is that I want my daughter to have the best life possible, and o know that it won’t be living at my parents but I don’t want to be so far away :c

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One thought on “Family/Relationship/Living situation issues

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [Wow, it sounds like you have a pretty tough issue. It’s never easy when you feel like you have to make a choice between a parent and a loved one.

    Have you thought to ask your dad why he’s so opposed to your boyfriend? You know, aside from the fact that he got you pregnant? I mean, you’re 19 and a mom — of course he’s not going to be happy about this, and of course he’s going to take it out on your boyfriend. So that’s to be expected, and I think you have to at least try to understand where he’s coming from.

    At the same time, I can tell you love your dad very much, so my suggestion is to talk to him. Explain to him that this is the father of your child, and he wants to be responsible and help take care of her — and help take care of you, too. Tell him that he’s not just some young punk-ass kid who got you pregnant (because it doesn’t sound like he is), and make it clear that he’s *going* to be a part of your life from now on.

    At the same time, you also have to listen to your dad, too. This isn’t just about you telling him how you feel. It’s also about you hearing him out on how *he* feels. If he does give you specific reasons for why he doesn’t like your boyfriend, don’t get defensive or argue with him. Just accept his perspective, and if you think it’s wrong, calmly explain to him why it’s wrong. Even stubborn, controlling people have a sensible side. You just have to be patient and slowly get to this sensible side.

    Of course, I don’t think this is something that you can settle in one conversation, and I’m anticipating it’s going to take a while. But it sounds like your dad does care deeply about you, so hopefully, if you continue to talk to him openly, and without judgment, and you understand where *he’s* coming from on all this, he’ll eventually be able to see your side, too. And at that point, maybe you can come up with some sort of compromise on your future living situation.

    Good luck with all this.

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