The skinny: I am a man with a girlfriend of 2 years. We are both in other relationships (complicated) but in effect have agreed to be monogamous with each other. We are in love and relationship is as good as can be given our circumstances. Recently, she was asked to housesit for a lesbian friend. My girlfriend invited me over to the friend’s house while she was away and we spent an early evening and the next afternoon together there at the house. While we were lying in the friend’s bed the afternoon in question, she discovered 2 used condoms in the trash next to the bed. I saw them–they did not appear to have anything in them. She acted shocked and disgusted, as did I. We openly wondered about them, being that we also found lube and sex toys belonging to the friend. As stated, the friend is a lesbian and has never been with a man. She does have a girlfriend, also a full lesbian.
My girlfriend stayed the entire night before I was there on her own, as well as after 9pm the night I was with her. We had a lot of sex the night I was there, and did not use condoms. We have never used them once in our relationship. As mentioned, my girlfriend has another relationship I know about (existed before I met her). I’m not sure if she has or would use them in that relationship. She denied her ‘other man’ was ever there, and it is assumed no other man would have been there. As mentioned, we have agreed to be monogamous outside of our other relationships (again, complicated). If it had been her ‘other man’ she would not admit this to me, for various reasons, nor would she ever admit to being with someone else, so I am left having to trust her or not.
The circumstances to her finding the condoms was such that as I was within 2 feet of the trash can when she looked in and saw them. She then showed me. Either she was surprised someone she had been with had placed them there or they weren’t hers and she was genuinely shocked.
My initial reaction was to wonder who they could have been used by. She saw my questioning look, but I quickly got over it when I discounted her cheating on me. Now she acts hurt and offended due to me thinking they were from her and someone else. I feel she was justified in being hurt (if she is innocent) and I feel justified in having an initial questioning reaction (used condoms in the lesbian’s bedroom she used for 2 nights without me). I understand someone feeling like they aren’t trusted. It’s not a good feeling. I will say I have never disbelieved her before and my reaction lasted only moments before we moved on from it. She told me if the shoe had been on the other foot she would not have suspected me even for a moment. I strongly doubt this, knowing her the way I do.
I am in a quandary. I won’t get into the dynamics of our relationship other than to say we are very emotionally and physically connected. Our ‘other’ relationships are not like that.
1) Chances the condoms were hers, given the circumstances?
2) If they weren’t hers, what other plausible explanations?
3) Am I an asshole for even suspecting her, or is that a normal reaction given those circumstances?