Choosing Between Two Perfect Girls

I have been dating this amazing girl, who I am currently in a long-distance relationship with right now, for the past almost 3 years now, I’ll call her Jane, and I love her very much. However, she is a little unstable emotionally and unsure about her career choice, so I have no idea whether our lives will continue to coincide or if they will soon go in different directions. Recently I met another girl, let’s call her Lucy, who shares very many good traits with Jane and I see her everyday. They each have their differences, but their differences are each good in its own way. Jane is very clever, but wouldn’t generally be considered intelligent, however Lucy does have an intelligence that builds well off of my thoughts. I like having very philosophical/thought-provoking conversations, and while both listen, only Lucy tries to give her input as well. Jane has been hurt by many guys, so that, along with her emotional instability, forces me to check myself consistently so I don’t end up hurting her. I feel drawn to both, but I don’t want to choose one and lose the other. What should I do?

5 thoughts on “Choosing Between Two Perfect Girls

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [To be blunt, I think you’re being a bit shallow here. Is it really that important that one is more “intelligent” than the other? What makes you such a good judge of that?

    If you like both women, keep dating both, and then see what happens. You run the risk of losing both, but hey, that’s life.

    Otherwise, decide which qualities are more important to you, and go with that. I don’t think anyone on the internet is going to have an answer for you on which one to choose, so you have to figure that out for yourself.

  2. EricaSwagger says:

    [I actually disagree with Dennis on this one. I think it’s okay to compare people this way, it helps narrow down the kind of person you’re looking for. I don’t think it’s shallow to want your partner to be on the same intellectual level as you, whatever that means to you, if that’s something you value.

    Now that being said, I have no sympathy for you in your “I don’t want to choose one and lose the other” scenario. You can’t have both, and if you really can’t choose between them you should walk away from both. I mean it. If you decide to pursue things with one, make a clean break with the other. Your SO deserves to be able to trust you, and I get the feeling that since you’re so against letting one go, you’re the type to keep the ex in your phone as a friend and chat with her too much, too often, about things that are too personal. That’s not okay. I get the feeling you’d hide it from the girl you did choose, and that’s a bad road. If you can’t let one of them go, it’s not fair to either of them.

    I also think, given your explanations of the two women, that you know you’d rather be with Lucy but maybe feel guilty about potentially hurting Jane. Lucy is around more, she’s more ‘intelligent’. Jane is a little unstable, and long distance. You clearly value your conversations with Lucy more, it’s pretty obvious you’d rather be with Lucy, and based on your descriptions of both of them, I think agree with you (it sounds like Lucy is a better match).

    Don’t string Jane along. Long distance is a lot about trust, and right now even though she doesn’t know it, you’re hurting her. She likely doesn’t know (and wouldn’t approve) that you are spending time with someone else. You mention she’s been hurt before, so no, you don’t need to tell her you’ve found someone else or that she’s not smart enough or whatever. Tell her you need to break things off, and don’t be wishy-washy. Long distance is difficult, you’re not moving forward together, you want to move on. Wish her the best, and delete her number. If you can’t make a clean break, you’re dooming your next relationship from the start.

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Fair enough. The point of the site is so that we don’t all have to agree with each other. 🙂

    • Lost says:

      [Thank you guys for giving your advice. By the time I read your comments, I had pretty much reached the same conclusion on my own, and your advice has helped to affirm my decision. I do want to clarify that I never said one was more intelligent than the other, only that it is more compatible with mine. I understand it’s difficult to fully understand such a situation from such a succinct description, and I appreciate you both for taking the time to help me.

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Cool, thanks for the update. Good luck with whichever girl you went with!

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