“Is the verbal abuse and name-calling too much?”

So, I was having doubts about my relationship, I would say for probably a few months, prior to when I finally kind of just took a stance, and said that I didn’t want to be with him anymore.

Now I”m feeling somewhat shaky, and wondering if I should get back together with him, also he keeps trying to tell me that we are meant for one another, and that I’ll have regrets.

Some background info on what brought on these serious doubts: my boyfriend, around 10 months into the relationship, told me that he lied about having gone to school, and getting an English degree. At the time when he told me he lied, I just quickly overlooked it, because I didn’t think it was important.

The thing is though, the more I thought about, the more I realized how actually significant that was for him to do. Here I am thinking all this time, that he’s just doing his present job (being a sous chef) because he can’t find a career in his field yet. It got me thinking; if he can lie about something like this so easily, what else could he lie about?

Obviously, it’s also made me really question whether or not we actually could have a future together. Maybe it’s superficial, but I want someone who has direction going on in their life, and who is striving for something (he’s 24 and I’m 23.) Other past issues that I just can’t seem to move past, is the fact that he put me down a lot , and has called me names, judging me for my past sexual history.

What’s got me still kind of on the fence if I want to get back together with him, is that I can feel that he genuinely loves me, but yea it’s hard to kind of forget that he lied to me about something so significant, and the verbal abuse I had to go through many times, near the beginning of the relationship. At the time, he explained that it was just situation-based and was because of his insecurities that he was struggling with at times. What do you guys think? Do you think there is always room for forgiveness and a chance to wipe the slate clean and try again? I think what’s getting me is that I still love him, but I guess I’m finding it really hard to see a promising future with him right now.

 

3 thoughts on ““Is the verbal abuse and name-calling too much?”

  1. Jasmine Hunter says:

    I think that of course there is room for forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean you have to get back together with him. Just because he says you’re meant to be together doesn’t mean that you are. I’m sure right now you might be worried whether you will find a guy who will treat you better and love you truly. Trust me, there is a guy out there who will respect you. You won’t have doubts, or insecurities about your relationship. Honestly, for me, i dated two guys in my past who would name call me and make me feel stupid. But I put up with it because I always try to believe the best in people. But love isn’t about believing what you think the person could be. It’s about two people who not only love each other, but who completely respect each other, build each other up, stay true to each other, and are genuinely number one in each other’s lives. If he lies to you and disrespects you from the beginning, to me that says, he has some growing up to do. Men who aren’t mature view their partners are competition. He lied to you because he didn’t feel good enough. And when men don’t feel good enough, they do stupid stuff. Like disrespect people they care about and make you feel stupid. Of course, it’s entirely your decision. But ask yourself this, “Do I want to be with a man I can’t trust, who makes me feel like crap?” People can change, but I think you owe it to yourself to give yourself the opportunity of meeting someone else. Maybe things could work out in a few years with this guy after he’s learned some things on his own. Or maybe you’ll meet someone new, who you have no doubts about and who will treat you how you were meant to be treated. Ok, sorry, that was a long comment. I hope that helps you! At the end of the day, you have to trust yourself with the decision.

  2. Anonymous says:

    No. Abusers always do this. You can forgive him, but move on. There is no such thing as the one. Relationships take work and respect. Things he didn’t show you. He’s not really going to change. Don’t waste time finding that out the hard way.

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