Tag: marriage

“I think I’m ready to leave my husband”

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I met two great guys at the same time. It was a blind date with one. He brought me over to his place and I met his roommate/best friend the same day. I was instantly attracted to his best friend and I could sense that the feeling was mutual. At the time his best friend was in a relationship (at least that’s what I was told at the time), so I backed off. I eventually married my date and have been mostly happy for over 13 years. Throughout those years I’ve grown closer to his best friend.

One night we were talking and I learned that when we first met, he was NOT in a relationship. He did end up in a long-term relationship with a friend not long after our first meeting, but my husband obviously lied to keep me around and away from him. We both have admitted that we love each other, but we have never and WILL never do anything behind my husband’s back. We are both the type that would never betray a friend, no matter what so each time we’re around each other it feels a bit tense.

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“Our 20-year age gap is starting to affect our marriage”

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This is incredibly difficult, because I have never articulated my situation in words to anyone before this. Here we go.

I am a married woman, 28 years old, and the mother of a beautiful toddler. My husband of 4 years is 20 years my senior. I feel this age gap, once a charming quirk of our relationship, is now a source of unhappiness. Notably, our unfulfilling sex life. I am a young, energetic, sensuous woman. Sex is very important to me spiritually, emotionally, and certainly physically. Tensions do build up! My husband is less interested, not just in intercourse but all the trappings of a passionate relationship. I estimate we “do it” about 6 times a year. All my attempts to arouse him are met with outright rejection or apathy. My self esteem suffers. When we do manage, the sex is uninspired and entirely one sided.

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“I’m married, but have a crush on a friend”

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Hi there!

I feel a little silly asking about this, and there is even a part of me that wonders if phrasing it makes it more real than I’d like it to be.

I’m very happily married, and have been for four years. We get along really well, I find my partner really beautiful and attractive, and I think they are basically the most precious person in my life, and possibly the most precious aspect of my life.

I have a friend who I’ve had a crush on for years. The crush started when the friend and I first met, when my partner and I were just dating, about eight years ago. I was in a relationship, but I really got on with this other person, and we share friends in common, so we just became friends, and it was lovely, although the crush really did persist while I quietly ignored it. About two years before I got married, there was a rocky time in my relationship when it seemed like we might split up and I was spending more time (particularly one-on-one) with this individual and probably being more explicitly flirtatious than I normally would be. My friend was kind of noncommittally dating someone else, and around the time that it became clear that I was trying to make it work with my partner, my friend started dating the person they were seeing more intensely and they now have been together for years.

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“My husband told me he enjoys not having me around”

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I’ve been married for a year now, and for the last six months, my husband keeps giving me the excuse of being too busy and stressed out to spend any time with me.

He will make plans to go to concerts and dinner with his daughter and friends, but 100% of the time, he says he cannot commit to doing anything with me.

He owns a restaurant and comes home very late — usually past midnight. He spends a lot of time on his phone (on Facebook) to unwind. I go to bed alone, every-single-night not knowing when he is coming home.

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“My ex is getting married, and I’m afraid of losing him”

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My ex-boyfriend from five years ago is now engaged to a girl he has been with since not long after we split. We broke up because I was young and stupid, but for their entire relationship, he has messaged me every day, every morning, and every night.

He still tries to flirt with me, talks to me about everything, and tries to make time to see me. He is supposed to be getting married in July to his fiancée, who doesn’t like me at all (long story which happened before my ex and I even dated).

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Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

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Here’s a column from The New York Times titled, “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.” It takes a fairly pessimistic outlook on relationships (the author isn’t kidding with that title), but manages to twist that pessimism into something productive.

The column begins by pointing out a common mistake we all make:

Perhaps we have a latent tendency to get furious when someone disagrees with us or can relax only when we are working; perhaps we’re tricky about intimacy after sex or clam up in response to humiliation. Nobody’s perfect. The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities. Whenever casual relationships threaten to reveal our flaws, we blame our partners and call it a day. As for our friends, they don’t care enough to do the hard work of enlightening us. One of the privileges of being on our own is therefore the sincere impression that we are really quite easy to live with.

The problem is, everyone makes this same mistake, because no one is perfect.

Ultimately, what matters isn’t whether or not the person we marry is right for us (because they won’t be). What matters is how we’re able to negotiate our differences.

“Untrusted Still”

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I’m really tired of not being able to talk to my SO about what’s bothering me in our relationship.

I’m not trusted. Despite being told that I am, I’m constantly under suspicion of doing something wrong. It’s evident by my SO looking thru my emails and stuff, facebook, and facebook searching my exes to see if there’s some connection still. I volunteer the phone and password and stuff because I’ve done nothing wrong. It hurts every time and makes me uneasy

I didn’t do anything inappropriate with my ex, I haven’t been in the same room as this person in over ten years. After my grandfather died, they expressed their condolences and asked to meet up for a cup of coffee and catch up next time they were in town. This set my SO off so much that I had to remove this other person from my fb altogether. There is no other contact with them. All of this was two years ago.

Two years later I still get accused of being out suspiciously late, get my stuff checked and have seen my SO searching/spying on my ex.

I’m not sure how clear this is, but I don’t really care that much about the ex, it’s more the actions of my SO. It hurts and the couple of times I’ve brought it up it makes it look like I’m pining for an old lover.

Is there a way to talk about it without it having anything to do with the ex at all? Do I just accept that this is the way it’ll be?

Who the hell do I talk to about this and please don’t say counseling, ive not the time nor money.

Married but in love with another woman

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I am a 65 year old male. I’ve been married once in my life to the same woman for 36 years. I love her but am not in love with her. We are in a marriage devoid of any passion. Tried therapy together 20 years ago that brought back a spark that lasted for a few months then stopped. I know this is not a unique situation. In the spring of 2003 I called a chat line that women could also access. I called on a regular basis. One day I connected with a woman that was there “just to see what it was about”. I told her about my situation. Told her that I had no plans of leaving my marriage but was desperate for intimacy of any kind to feel a connection. We ended up talking for a couple of hours and I asked her for her phone number so I didn’t have to continue paying the outrageous fees that were in reading as minutes past. She was reluctant at first but then agreed. I don’t know why she did but later told me that she appreciated my honesty and was also looking for a connection no matter how impersonal it seemed. She was/is single. I called a couple of days later and we masturbared together while we spoke. It was quite erotic. We shared some very intimate thoughts and feelings but they were all very tender, respectful and nurturing. The calls became more frequent. Phone sex was not always a part of the conversations but it did occur frequently. About six months after the first time we spoke she told me that she thought she was falling in love with me. I told her that I felt the same way. At the time I was 53 and she was 47. We had seen photos of each other but still had not met. Ten months past and we decided to meet. I was seeking employment out of state and we planned our meeting around an interview I had about 2 hours from her home and 7 hours from my home. It was easy for me to come up with an excuse because of the interview. We spent 3 days together. We made love several times over those 3 glorious days.
The relationship had gone from emotional to something far more. We met again 2 weeks later when I had another interview. This time we met halfway between both of our homes. This time we spent 4 days together. This became a trend that lasted for 9 years. We even took a vacation together for a week. The distance became a problem plus I had been hired at a job that made it difficult for me to get away. It became exhausting to keep lying about where I was and the relationship cooled off slowly but phone calls and phone sex continued. The last time I saw her was 9 years ago and we are planning to get together soon. We are still in love but she recently told me that the lying to her friends and family had taken its toll and she was having second thoughts. She wants to see me desperately but does not want to open that door again. Either of us have had sex with any other person for 9 years. I am deeply in love with this beautiful woman and she is in love with me. She is torn as to what to do and feels tremendous guilt because I am married. I am a smart, talented, decent and living man. Marriage is just a word to me when it comes to our relationship.
I overflow with emotion when I think if being with her again. We are both older, still in good shape but not what we used to be. It doesn’t matter. We look at each other and do not see our flaws. Does anyone have any suggestions for us in what to do. I can’t lose her. The thought of this happening is devastating.

Why won’t he initiate anything????

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Otherwise happily married for 23 years. Have talked at length and repeatedly about his lack of initiation. He doesn’t initiate sex, touch, conversation, time together, or anything else. If I don’t initiate it, it doesn’t happen. And it hurts. I need to feel wanted too. I have never rejected him. The only plans he makes are when his friends or family call. Then I’m invited to tag along. And that hurts too. I told him I’m exhausted. I’ve been dealing with some major physical and mental health challenges, but getting through them. I just don’t have the energy to be the only one making an effort to stay connected to my husband. So I outright asked him to do the initiating for the next few weeks. That was 2 months ago. He’s initiated sex once, and pretty much nothing else. Beyond frustrated and incredibly hurt. Any advice would be much appreciated. This comes up every couple of months. The same issue. Nothing changes. Every other area is pretty solid and I know I’m very lucky. I’m just really, really hurt that in 23 years, he’s planned ONE weekend for us. At his buddy’s urging, for our 20th anniversary. I don’t need hearts and flowers every day. I’m not a romantic. I’m not needy and don’t need a lot of romance. I just need to feel like he WANTS to make an effort to make me feel loved. Any ideas? Suggestions? Advice?