“I think I’m ready to leave my husband”

I met two great guys at the same time. It was a blind date with one. He brought me over to his place and I met his roommate/best friend the same day. I was instantly attracted to his best friend and I could sense that the feeling was mutual. At the time his best friend was in a relationship (at least that’s what I was told at the time), so I backed off. I eventually married my date and have been mostly happy for over 13 years. Throughout those years I’ve grown closer to his best friend.

One night we were talking and I learned that when we first met, he was NOT in a relationship. He did end up in a long-term relationship with a friend not long after our first meeting, but my husband obviously lied to keep me around and away from him. We both have admitted that we love each other, but we have never and WILL never do anything behind my husband’s back. We are both the type that would never betray a friend, no matter what so each time we’re around each other it feels a bit tense.

Today, instead of heading home after dropping my husband off for his work trip, I went over to the friend’s house. We did nothing, said nothing, and just talked about the usual things (how’s work? how’s life, etc, etc). It was a 10 minute hangout session, but it felt great to speak with him and not have things feel so weird.

I think I’ve decided to leave my husband, but I don’t intend to go straight to his friend. I wanna get my life in order first and then maybe start things slowly, if he agrees that is. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful man. He’s been faithful throughout our entire relationship which is why I have done the same. But I just don’t really feel happy with him anymore. Is it wrong to feel this way? Is this a good idea?

I want to tell the friend my thoughts, but I don’t want to make things weirder. But he’s the only person that I’ve never lied to and usually when something’s on my mind, I quickly speak up to clear the haze of my thoughts. I just don’t know what I should do.

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5 thoughts on ““I think I’m ready to leave my husband”

  1. somebody says:

    You have a good husband, it sounds like. I don’t think you should let that go. Imo, tell your husband that you are unhappy and try to figure out what’s missing in your marriage.

    • JB says:

      The good thing about my husband is how well he knows me. He can always tell if something is on my mind. So we talk about this constantly.
      He always does everything he can to make me happy, so I find it difficult to tell him bluntly how I feel. It would break his heart and I can’t do it.

  2. JB says:

    Update:

    I tried to leave him. I told him how I felt about our relationship. He wouldn’t give up. Because of where we live, I have no where else to stay so he’s allowed me to keep living here until I find my own place. Although I made it clear that I wanted to separate, he does everything he can to persuade me to stay. He cooks dinners, brings me roses, and sends me sweet texts. I think he forgets and believes we are still together. The last time we were intimate was almost a year ago, so nothing has changed and he hasn’t tried.
    I speak with the friend maybe once or twice a week. Not very often. I told him how I felt about my marriage and what I wanted to do. He didn’t try to encourage me, in fact he stated, “Your not a bad person cause you cant help the way you feel. At the same time everyone feels that way time to time in relationships so I hope you’re weighing your short term feelings against the long-term consequences. Idk if you’ll ever find anyone better than him & if you realize that too late you’ll have played yourself”
    And I know he’s right. I probably won’t, but I am just not happy. Breaking things off was relieving. I felt like I had been carrying this massive weight on my shoulders for years. I write, and I’ve had debilitating writer’s block for years and now I can complete a short story within days. I don’t know what any of this means, but something deep down is telling me this is the right thing to do.

    • Dennis Hong says:

      I think you’re 100% correct. If the breakup causes you to feel this massive sense of relief … well, then I think that’s a pretty clear answer. Add to this the fact that his efforts to win you back have done nothing to sway you … yeah, I think it’s time to move on.

      By the way, if you’re trying to sort out your feelings, I have a book recommendation for you: “Why We Love,” by Helen Fisher. It breaks down and explains romantic feelings in physiological terms, so you may find it enlightening to get some of the science behind what you are probably going through right now.

      Either way, I do wish you the best of luck with your new journey …

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