“My husband told me he enjoys not having me around”

I’ve been married for a year now, and for the last six months, my husband keeps giving me the excuse of being too busy and stressed out to spend any time with me.

He will make plans to go to concerts and dinner with his daughter and friends, but 100% of the time, he says he cannot commit to doing anything with me.

He owns a restaurant and comes home very late — usually past midnight. He spends a lot of time on his phone (on Facebook) to unwind. I go to bed alone, every-single-night not knowing when he is coming home.

Recently, I went to visit family for four days, and when I returned, he said that he truly enjoyed not having me here, and enjoyed doing whatever he wanted to do without me.

I’m very angry with him, and feel rejected by him. I have no idea what to make of this behavior. He says it is all work stress.

2 thoughts on ““My husband told me he enjoys not having me around”

  1. onefemalearch says:

    All I can think about when I read your story is: Your husband shouldn’t feel this way about you and work stress is not a good excuse for those feelings. He either loves you or he doesn’t, and if he doesn’t he should let you know right away so you won’t be wasting your life with someone who doesn’t love you like you should be loved. I’d advice you to find a way to have a calm conversation with him, prepared for whatever he says, and ask him if he honestly loves you, tell him he’s hurt you by not wanting to spend time with you and make sure he understands that you’re not complaining, just telling him your feelings. Be honest with him and ask him to be honest with you, maybe there’s something you can do to help him feel better if he stops acting this way 🙂

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    What I find sketchy about this isn’t so much that he enjoyed his alone time. I mean, let’s face it, independence is important, and in healthy relationships, it’s good for both parties to have time to themselves. So no, that in itself isn’t the problem.

    What I find sketchy is how nonchalant he was in revealing this to you (at least, as you described it). It sounds to me like he was purposely trying to hurt you with that comment. Or maybe he’s even trying to pick a fight with you passive-aggressively.

    I just can’t see how anyone with any sense of compassion whatsoever would say that to their partner … and think they’d be okay with that. So, it might be worth diving a little more deeply into this, and trying to figure out how exactly he’s feeling about the relationship at this point.

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