I have been with the same guy for eight years, and we have been engaged for four years. We just recently bought a house together.
On my way back home from a business trip, he texted me and said he was unhappy and wanted to end everything. He doesn’t want to try to work on things. He says he loves me, but, can’t do it anymore. We decided to sell the house, and one week later, he has started to date a girl he used to sext all the time, apparently completely unrelated (according to him).
I’ve written about this before — and taken some hate for it — but when we break up with someone, I believe the most compassionate way to do so is to be cold and uncompassionate. Because to be otherwise is really only satisfying our need to look like a “good” person.
Now, here’s an article that backs me up. The graphics in the accompanying video are a bit on the creepy side if you ask me, but it does make a very valid point:
Kindness has no role whatsoever to play at the charred end of relationships. Being sweet and understanding merely prolongs the torture for the other person.
As the video also points out, when we choose to be warm and understanding during a breakup, its in part due to a narcissistic desire to be loved even by someone we ourselves don’t love.
Point being? Just rip that band-aid off. A clean break is the best way to end a relationship.
So, I just got out of a relationship that was two weeks shy of two years. Though I still cared for him, I’d been done with the relationship much before I finally broke it off.
A friend of mine and I hung out last night (three days after the breakup), and one thing led to another and we had sex. I thought he’d been trying to hit on me before he realized I had a boyfriend, and then once I was single, he seemed much more into me. He calls me pet names and liked it when I cuddled with him and would kiss him on the cheek. He was super-sweet and seemed super-into me as well. I don’t know if I was just reading too much into it because I didn’t understand or what?
If you’re having a hard time getting over a breakup, psychologists have some suggestions for you:
First off, their research says that you shouldn’t necessarily write about the breakup, as it can often make you feel worse.
Instead, you should write what they refer to as a “redemptive narrative” … because you know, everything always seems more medically sound when you use technical words.
The point of the redemptive narrative is not just to write about the breakup, but also describe how you turned it into a positive experience. Or if you’re still in the throes of post-breakup agony, write about what you’re doing to overcome it.
Here’s an article that discusses the aforementioned studies in more detail:
“Psychologists say a simple strategy can help you get over a rough breakup” Continue reading
So this guy and I broke up a couple a months ago, due to a lack of communication. I told him we should talk about us in regards to this. But he took it the wrong way, thinking that I was trying to break it off with him, so he broke up with me first.
We aren’t on bad terms. Things are just somewhat awkward. We definitely had strong feelings for each other. After the breakup, I tried to find answers and resolve things, but he sounded like he didn’t care much.
For a few months, I started to never see him around (we go to the same school), but then suddenly, he reappeared again. When he did, he seemed to check me out often and tried to walk past me on purpose sometimes. He had noticeably gained weight and seems more quiet and inactive than he was when we were dating.
LemonVibe 