This turned into a fairly long post, skip straight to the end for a short, simple explanation of my dilemma.
I’m a 23yo male and not sure how to classify myself. Since I’ve been told that by being specific, I can help you tailor your advice (if that’s what you feel like responding with) to my needs. I will start in high school and try to include any relevant information.
First, I never masturbated until I was 17. This was not because I thought it was a bad thing, it just never really occurred to me that it was something I ought to try. I was not a social person in high school. I usually found other people boring, and so I didn’t really have a chance to have crushes with everybody else. Eventually, when I was a senior, one of my few close friends asked me to be her boyfriend, and because of some terrible reasons that seemed good at the time, I agreed. I wasn’t really unhappy with the relationship, but I wasn’t very enthusiastic about it either. I had been perfectly content before the transition and didn’t really see the point of spending so much time kissing. Eventually she got fed up and we ended things but remained friends.
In college I started to be much more outgoing, and had more chances to notice that there seemed to be something wrong with me. For the first year, I saw that everybody else in my groups of friends tended to pair off within a few months, and concerned roommates and neighbors would offer to set me up with somebody on a regular basis, or tell me that so and so was into me and I should ask her out. I was annoyed that they thought that was more important than letting me read in peace. Eventually I caved to pressure and said yes to somebody who asked me out. That time, we didn’t have a decade-old connection to prevent it from being a complete disaster, and it was over in about a week. We had little in common and I was only doing it to try to fit in.
From then up to now, I’ve been single and for the most part people have stopped thinking it’s odd. However, I’m about to graduate and move on to a new set of people who will all likely think that I’m strange. I’m hopeful that grad school will be demanding enough that they won’t have time to care, but people always seem to find time to care about other peoples’ business.

Those are the facts/history, but obviously you can’t say a lot about me based on the just the events of two relationships. So now I get to talk about how I feel. I couldn’t have cared less about sex for the first 18ish years of my life. When I first had a girlfriend, I was aware that sex was something that was supposed to be on my mind and I was worried about it. We talked about it on a few occasions, and she said it was fine when I said I didn’t think our relationship had progressed far enough yet and didn’t have any specific criteria in mind for what “far enough” meant. That was when I started seriously wondering if I was gay, since I had rarely heard of the guy being the one who isn’t ready for a sexual relationship. Obviously my second relationship didn’t last long enough for that to ever become an issue, but I still didn’t really have any way of telling whether or not I was gay.

Since then I’ve spent some time trying to figure this out but made little progress. There are men and women whom I find attractive and likable, but I don’t ask any of them out because I don’t really feel like I care about being more than friends, and I don’t want to put them through a relationship with me. I’ve spent some time on aven, since it seemed possible that I could just be asexual, but I wasn’t satisfied with that. I was worried that I might just be using the term asexual as an excuse not to approach people, and that by labelling myself asexual I would be limiting my options.

So now my dilemma is this. Should I just try to find a male and a female and use them as guinea pigs to test whether or not I want a sexual relationship? It seems like it would be unfair to have a relationship for that reason, and I’m not the sort of person who could pull off a one-night stand. So I would have to explain my situation to each person I asked to make sure they knew what was going on. I could continue being happy without any sort of relationship, but then there’s the chance that I’m not as happy as I would be with one.

If you’re trying to skip straight to the dilemma, you’ve gone just a bit too far. Any advice, comments, questions, personal anecdotes, or (funny) jokes at my expense are welcome.

Here’s the story. I’m 31. When I was 17, I spent a summer abroad on a teen tour, where I met a guy we’ll call Mr. Blue. We connected immediately, and spent the summer having these long, incredible conversations until late into the night. We were teenagers, of course, but even then it felt…different. Deeper. There was nothing overtly sexual, just some mostly-innocent cuddling and a lot of hours talking. But I fell for him hard.

We saw each other twice during college, and then lost touch for 10 years. Life went on. I dated and fell in love with other men. I still thought about Blue from time to time, about the way we connected and how it felt so different talking with him. Every so often, maybe once a year, I’d try to use the power of the internet to locate him, but to no avail. Until this summer, when a Google search finally turned up his LinkedIn profile.

We reconnected, exchanged a few rather amazing emails, and eventually had a 2-hour phone conversation that took me right back to that summer when we met. He said he was glad I had found him, and that he had though about me and that summer over the years too. The conversation flowed so naturally as we got to know each other again and began to chip away at the time that had passed since seeing each other last.

That conversation was about a month ago. Of course, my one-time feelings for him have reignited. He’s living many states away, and has a nontraditional job that makes it very difficult to stay in touch consistently. That said, I have been thinking more and more about throwing out there the idea of meeting up in person. There’s nothing that would conveniently bring me to where he lives, or him to where I live. This would have to be a fully intentional choice.

I guess I’m wondering whether this sounds to unbiased ears like even a remotely good idea. I realize that the idea of reconnecting with someone you haven’t seen in a decade might arouse skepticism. I’m a pretty skeptical type, not terribly prone to romantic daydreams like this. But still, I can’t seem to get him out of my head, and I hate the idea of going another decade wondering. If you’re in favor of meeting up, any good ideas about how/when to bring up the idea? Thanks in advance.

So, I’ve never posted here before. I’m not sure what I’m looking for, but it might help just to type out what I’m feeling, and maybe I’ll get some sense of release, and if anybody has any advice for me I’d certainly be happy to hear it.

I had a bad relationship end about a year ago. It wasn’t even a long one, it lasted about a year, start to finish. We connected deeply on a few levels, some physical, some emotional. Looking back, I think our individual dysfunctions just happened to coincide with each other – to vibrate at the same frequency, so to speak. Whatever the case, it made for an intense relationship, in which there were definitely some good times, but for the most part it was an opera of pain.

So, when it was over I was heartbroken and relieved at the same time. I knew I’d have to go through the mourning process, and deal with my sense of loss. But I also knew it was necessary for it to end. We were killing each other emotionally, and there was no way to save it.

Six months went by, wherein we had no contact at all. I used that time to heal, to the best of my ability. It still hurt when I thought about it, I wasn’t 100% healed. But I made a LOT of progress letting go of the pain, anger, resentment, all the negative feelings associated with the relationship.

Then she happened to be in my town to visit some friends, one of whom was my roommate, and she was about to go on a long trip. Maybe it was a mistake, but I reached out to her. I guess the plan was for us to avoid each other while she was in town, but I got to thinking how sad it was that after all this time we couldn’t just end the hostility and be friendly with one another. And I was happy for her for the adventure she was about to go on, so I inboxed her on Facebook. Two sentences, just saying hi, I hope you have an amazing time, take care of yourself… the most inoffensive, sincere, magnanimous gesture I could possibly have made.

She responded with some really poisonous, angry stuff. And I was stunned. Seriously stunned, and absolutely devastated. She blames me, and only me, for everything. She said I made her ashamed of who she was, that I made her feel like she had to change who she was to please me… I didn’t do any of that. She brought her own shame into the relationship, as I did. We both made mistakes, and she is EXACTLY as responsible for how things turned out as I am.

Maybe I shouldn’t have engaged, but I wrote her back this LOOOOONG email, like ten thousand words, basically saying EVERYTHING that was left in my heart. I apologized again for each individual mistake I made, even though I had made the same apologies dozens of times while we were together (apologies that always fell on deaf ears, as she is apparently not the forgiving type). But then I challenged her to take responsibility herself, and acknowledge the mistakes she made as well. As I said, I had made a lot of progress toward forgiving her in recent months, and I freely extended that forgiveness, even though she didn’t ask for it.

Well, we went back and forth one more time, with me trying to make peace and her injecting her poison directly into my veins. It was like she put me right back to where I started when we broke up. Then she blocked me on Facebook. Weirdly, she unblocked me a few weeks later, but I have no idea what that means. We’re not Facebook friends anymore, but I’m no longer on her blocked list apparently because her name comes up in posts and photos she’s tagged in.

So, that was six months ago. Again, we have had no contact during that time, and the only news I hear about her life is what I get from a mutual friend (I never ask, it just comes up naturally in conversation and I usually end up changing the subject, so I know almost nothing about her life, which is probably as it should be). I should be completely over this by now. But almost every day, my thoughts still run away with me, and I have the same argument again in my head. It just feels so unjust, and unfair. I don’t want her back, not as a girlfriend anyway. I want her forgiveness, and I want her to acknowledge that she hurt me too, and that I hurt EXACTLY as much as she did.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have that much going on right now, and my brain craves stimulation, and that’s the freshest, rawest (is that a word? “Most raw”?) wound it can poke at. Even though they’re bad feelings, they’re feelings, and when I’m bored/lonely maybe my heart just wants to feel something rather than nothing.

It’s all in my head. This is never, ever going to be resolved. She’s NEVER going to own up to her part in this, and I’m not going to get the resolution I crave. But I think some part of me still believes it’s possible. Otherwise, why can’t I let it go? It has been a YEAR!!! The whole relationship only lasted a year! What do I have to do to let this go and leave it in the past once and for all?

i like this guy, hes dutch. its been a year now since i met him. he lives in holland,i live in aruba. he comes here every year. the 2nd & 3rd time we met again, face to face. would just stare at me, (we flirted through whatsapp on the first time we met, he was back to holland by the ) now, on his 3rd trip, i told him i like him via whatsapp again. & he said he likes me too. its just we are worlds apart.we dont talk much. he likes my posts on facebook often.but he doesnt message me. the last time i messaged him,he didnt respond to me. so i didnt bother to try again. so, should i wait? or just live my life?

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and he is Jewish, while I am Catholic. When my mom found out that he is Jewish, she told me I’d better “nip it in the bud”, “end things soon”, etc. Periodically she asks me if I’m still seeing him, and will make the same comments. She says she doesn’t understand how I can date someone of a different religion.

I have no issue with dating someone of a different religion. I’m upset that she’s writing him off without even knowing who he is as a person. Whether it’s this guy or a guy in the future, I hate that she is so closed-minded and thinks she has the right to tell me what to do when it comes to my love life. Interfaith marriages are so common these days, and they are allowed in the Catholic Church. Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with her? I haven’t even let her know that we are in an actual relationship because of the way she’s reacted.

My girlfriend and I got a new place together a few months ago. I have some very nice leather furniture, and she has two cats. It’s been less than a month, and they’ve already scratched up an ottoman.

She tried spraying this cat repellant stuff on the furniture, but it doesn’t look like it’s helping at all. She even tried putting these plastic claw covers on them, but they just pull them off within a few days. We’ve also bought them several scratching posts, but they apparently prefer leather.

At this point, we’re out of ideas. Personally, I think we should just have them declawed. The way I see it, these are indoor cats. They NEVER go outside, so I don’t see the problem there. I’ll even pay for the procedure. I’m open to any suggestions, but I’m pretty sick of getting my furniture ruined.

I’m currently online dating and have “met” about 4-5 men and have exchanged texts and so forth. It seems to me there is a trend where I’m the one asking all of the questions or starting the text threads. I would normally blow these men off, but they answer quickly and provide interesting if not funny comments. They just don’t seem to reciprocate and then I feel awkward. I don’t want to continue on if someone isn’t interesting, but I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. Is this just a “man thing” or am I doing something wrong.

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Hello,
Some of you probably remember my two different blurbs quite some time ago about my situation with dating a man who was 10 years older than I am and my family’s resentment towards that. Some of you asked for the update so here it is! I apologize its been so long but I got very busy with my life since then. I think its been around 6 months now? How crazy!

After much debate, I moved in with this guy on April 1st. It was really amazing for us and our relationship really flourished. I put my family at arm’s length and had made it very clear to them that I was not going to put up with them and their comments and invasive behaviors. They very much resented this decision and told me I was abandoning them and not living up to their expectations of me..which I basically told them was their problem not mine. I really began to feel that I couldn’t be responsible for that feeling in them because this was my life and I felt my decision was right and that I was going to stick with it. Everything went very well! We struggled a little financially until he got his promotion at work and things were really starting to look up for the better.

Then I kinda screwed up…I had forgotten why I put my family on the outs so much in the first place. I really started wondering why I didnt spend more time with them and was a little hurt that they never called me to go to birthday parties or dinners..I always found out about this stuff after they had happened. I really forgot that I had done this because they make me miserable. In the end I would love to have an ideal relationship with them, where I could let them into my life with no problem and not feel attacked or invaded. But that just wont happen. I let them back in and struggled to try and have a relationship with them again which ended horrifically. It created a lot of tension between this guy and me and he began to feel like I was being forced to pick between him and my family and that it was unfair to them. So we decided to take a step back and I moved back in with my parents so that maybe they would feel better about our relationship if we decided to take a step back.

I think this was a mistake. I explained to my parents that we decided this for them and they have began to call me a liar. They said they really enjoyed their time when I wasn’t there and now they feel like I am disrupting their life again and that he is the one who didn’t want me and can’t “afford me” and thats why we decided for me to move out. So in all reality this is completely back firing on us. I am absolutly miserable living here again, and I am fighting with them like crazy because I am refusing to roll over and let them control me anymore. I layed out my terms from the get go that I was not going to disturb the way I liked to live just because I was back with them. I have my own agenda and my own schedule and they still have a big problem with this. They don’t like me growing up but they are responding and dealing with it in very toxic ways. I feel like they are now toxic to my life as well.

So this guy and I are talking about rebuilding our relationship in the way we liked it and the way it thrived before hand and being very consistent in keeping our life private from my family. I am very hurt that I have to make this decision because I do still love my family, but I am more hurt everyday when I can’t even function and live happily because they feel I should be living a certain way. A lot of this was me having to take a step back and look at what I could do to make myself feel stronger and be a better person and realizing that I am not the horrible awful things they say I am. Basically this is where I am now. Trying to figure out how to set boundaries for an overbearing codependent family and be happy with how I am living and with who I am and the decisions I make.

Hey guys, i’m a thirteen year old girl from liverpool,england.
I haven’t any real friends and I cant concentrate in school because i’m disliked and unwanted people think i’m a easy target. I cry myself to sleep, the only reason i’m still alive is because I dont want to hurt my family and it’d be really selfish to do that to them. I’m considering walking infront of a bus or lorry to make it seem like an accident but I still dont want to hurt my family in such a cruel way. What could I do to make friends to support me and help me through nasty high school years? Help me before I make the wrong decision and end myself please.