Some of you probably remember my two different blurbs quite some time ago about my situation with dating a man who was 10 years older than I am and my family’s resentment towards that. Some of you asked for the update so here it is! I apologize its been so long but I got very busy with my life since then. I think its been around 6 months now? How crazy!
After much debate, I moved in with this guy on April 1st. It was really amazing for us and our relationship really flourished. I put my family at arm’s length and had made it very clear to them that I was not going to put up with them and their comments and invasive behaviors. They very much resented this decision and told me I was abandoning them and not living up to their expectations of me..which I basically told them was their problem not mine. I really began to feel that I couldn’t be responsible for that feeling in them because this was my life and I felt my decision was right and that I was going to stick with it. Everything went very well! We struggled a little financially until he got his promotion at work and things were really starting to look up for the better.
Then I kinda screwed up…I had forgotten why I put my family on the outs so much in the first place. I really started wondering why I didnt spend more time with them and was a little hurt that they never called me to go to birthday parties or dinners..I always found out about this stuff after they had happened. I really forgot that I had done this because they make me miserable. In the end I would love to have an ideal relationship with them, where I could let them into my life with no problem and not feel attacked or invaded. But that just wont happen. I let them back in and struggled to try and have a relationship with them again which ended horrifically. It created a lot of tension between this guy and me and he began to feel like I was being forced to pick between him and my family and that it was unfair to them. So we decided to take a step back and I moved back in with my parents so that maybe they would feel better about our relationship if we decided to take a step back.
I think this was a mistake. I explained to my parents that we decided this for them and they have began to call me a liar. They said they really enjoyed their time when I wasn’t there and now they feel like I am disrupting their life again and that he is the one who didn’t want me and can’t “afford me” and thats why we decided for me to move out. So in all reality this is completely back firing on us. I am absolutly miserable living here again, and I am fighting with them like crazy because I am refusing to roll over and let them control me anymore. I layed out my terms from the get go that I was not going to disturb the way I liked to live just because I was back with them. I have my own agenda and my own schedule and they still have a big problem with this. They don’t like me growing up but they are responding and dealing with it in very toxic ways. I feel like they are now toxic to my life as well.
So this guy and I are talking about rebuilding our relationship in the way we liked it and the way it thrived before hand and being very consistent in keeping our life private from my family. I am very hurt that I have to make this decision because I do still love my family, but I am more hurt everyday when I can’t even function and live happily because they feel I should be living a certain way. A lot of this was me having to take a step back and look at what I could do to make myself feel stronger and be a better person and realizing that I am not the horrible awful things they say I am. Basically this is where I am now. Trying to figure out how to set boundaries for an overbearing codependent family and be happy with how I am living and with who I am and the decisions I make.