“He was sexual with his sister”

Please help settle this tiff between this couple:

K says:

Okay, so my boyfriend informed me last night that between the ages of 12 and 13, he engaged in sexual activities with his blood sister. There was no penetration, but foreplay took place. He stopped once they were caught by his father. It took 6 months for him to tell me, and I completely understand why it was so difficult for him to tell me.

I feel disgusted and confused. He shows clear remorse for the situation, but also expects me to be calm and collected about it all. I cannot stop thinking of psychological repercussions. I’ve never had a sibling of the opposite sex. Is this normal? He is trying to convince me to some degree that it is not unusual and I just don’t understand.

I know the past is the past, and I love him and who he currently is. My main problem now is the length of time he took to inform me? I believe I should’ve known about this prior to us entering into a sexual and emotional relationship.

R says:

I come from a different culture and a different country — one where sex is much much more taboo in general and not easily accessible. This was somewhat of a common occurrence in my area, and while I do admit it was wrong, I do not see why I even had to tell my significant other. It should have no impact on our current relationship. I was only a child when it happened.

One thought on ““He was sexual with his sister”

  1. Anonymous says:

    First off gaslighting your girlfriend is a red flag.

    Secondly the fact that he acts like its no big deal even though he doesn’t seem to care about how his sister dealt with sexual abuse during a time when he should know better is making me extremely uncomfortable. Its not ok to put it off on sex isn’t available.

    I would not date you. The fact that you waited six months to tell her tells me you were aware this isn’t a little thing, but preditory sex abuse. I do not think its common in your culture. Even if it was that doesn’t make it less incestuous.

    Don’t have children with this man. You’ll never be able to trust him not to abuse children. I would leave like yesterday.

    Also, I think he needs to talk to a professional psychiatrist before he’s arrested for sex abuse later on.

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