“I think my wife is sending nudes to other people”

In need of some advice. This is gonna be a bit long and it’s two points that somewhat connect.

First, I’m married (2 years) and I love my wife, right now we’re dealing with distance due to my work but things are great as we’ve dealt with it periodically throughout our relationship.

1. So when we first got into a relationship I had to move away for a while and 6 months into the relationship I had an emotional affair for maybe a month with an old ex. Things got pretty rough but we obviously got through it. She had threatened to have “revenge sex” but eventually explained she could never do it and didn’t want to. She did however in a fit of anger text me old sex videos she had of her and some exes to get back at me. Well one of the videos has been on my mind a lot lately and I kind of want to watch it to use as jerk off material. So long as I can’t see the guys face and she doesn’t say a name, I can imagine it’s me just like I do with porn. I have videos of me and her and they’re great but I just want something new. HOW DO I ASK TO HAVE HER SEND THIS?? Would it be too weird or wrong??

2. I am again away from her, will be 5 months. I have reason to believe and have before that she is sending nudes over Snapchat to other people. She’s always been super protective of her phone and she even told me that back when we first started dating. I lied and said I’m okay with that and I understand. It’s definitely something that has bothered me. Anyways, I got suspicious a while back and started creeping her Snapchat profile by keeping track of her score. I noticed when she sent me some nudes it went up more than just the amount of nudes she would send me. Also at times, although rarely it goes up a hundred or more in a span of an hour or two. I know she’s not snapping her best friend cause I have her on Snapchat as well and thought about that.

When I’m around her she definitely swipes away notifications very quickly and gets bothered if I look over her shoulder and “linger.” Is there a way to ask her about this. I was honestly thinking about lying and saying a guy used a fake account and messaged me saying she’s been sending nudes out because less than a month into our relationship when it first started that did happen but the only “proof” he had were pictures from back when I had very first started talking to her (long before we were even dating) and he never sent any screenshots even though I asked for him to send real proof. Again, how do I handle this? Would using that lie to get answers or see her response be too much? Am I just over analyzing or being crazy?

2 thoughts on ““I think my wife is sending nudes to other people”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You need to sit down with her and have a frank discussion on not only sex, but what you know. You feel insecure, but also have a kink that she might be ok with. Not knowing either of you well I would advise her against sending you those videos, because of revenge porn. Also, know that depending on your state if you try to pull something like that you could be going to jail.

    You both sound very young and marriage counseling is probably in order if you don’t meet in the middle of that discussion. Keep the discussion rational and use “I feel like…” instead of throwing accusations. I don’t like my husband reading my shit or people watching me work because of a personal space issue. It’s creepy. I’ve never cheated on him, however. Your gut is giving you a warning.

    Ask yourself what you are ok with. She needs to know her own boundaries too. You two may want to look into polyamourus communities, swingers, or exabitionism and this may be a fun incursion into that type of lifestyle together IF you do it correctly and don’t over step each other’s boundaries. If not, well, you already have the kink there. Don’t lie to yourselves and each other and destroy a perfectly good relationship.

    Best wishes.

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