Tag: tiff

“He was sexual with his sister”

1 Comment

Please help settle this tiff between this couple:

K says:

Okay, so my boyfriend informed me last night that between the ages of 12 and 13, he engaged in sexual activities with his blood sister. There was no penetration, but foreplay took place. He stopped once they were caught by his father. It took 6 months for him to tell me, and I completely understand why it was so difficult for him to tell me.

I feel disgusted and confused. He shows clear remorse for the situation, but also expects me to be calm and collected about it all. I cannot stop thinking of psychological repercussions. I’ve never had a sibling of the opposite sex. Is this normal? He is trying to convince me to some degree that it is not unusual and I just don’t understand.

I know the past is the past, and I love him and who he currently is. My main problem now is the length of time he took to inform me? I believe I should’ve known about this prior to us entering into a sexual and emotional relationship.

R says:

I come from a different culture and a different country — one where sex is much much more taboo in general and not easily accessible. This was somewhat of a common occurrence in my area, and while I do admit it was wrong, I do not see why I even had to tell my significant other. It should have no impact on our current relationship. I was only a child when it happened.

“I don’t want to meet the guy she cheated on me with”

6 Comments

She cheated on him 15 years ago, and they’ve moved on from it. But now, they’ve been invited to a dinner where the guy she cheated with is going to be in attendance. How should they handle this invitation? Here are their sides of the story …

Moite says:

When my wife and I were going out before we were married, she cheated on me with this guy she liked before we got together. I forgave her and moved on. Now — many many years later (like 15 years) — we have a party with one of her friends, where the guy she cheated on me with is going, too.

I’m upset about it. I have never had to meet this guy and obviously have no interest in doing so. I get it was a long time ago, but there is nothing like having to go meet the guy face-to-face to open up an old wound. I’m hurt because it was her mistake, and she should have protected me from being put in this position where I will feel humiliated.

She didn’t even tell me about it. Her friend throwing the party did the asking if I minded. It will be embarrassing and humiliating to have to go to this, but would be more humiliating saying I can’t go. It’s her friend’s party. I found out he is going from the friend, not her. She should have not let this situation occur and protected me from this humiliating experience.

Frieda says:

I made a mistake and cheated on my husband when we first started going out. It’s a big occasion for my best friend, and I found out this other guy is going to be there. I didn’t want to bring it up as it was a long time ago, and I thought we would have all moved on now.

I knew he would probably not be happy about it, but surely its not the end of the world, and we can get on with our lives. He sees that I chose him, married him, and this guy doesn’t mean anything to me. How long do I have to pay a price for this?

I think he is actually upset because he recently found out I also slept with this guy I cheated on him with a couple of years later when we had broken up and not gotten back together yet. I was single then and did nothing wrong in that.

It’s my bests friend’s special occasion — I can’t tell her I can’t go because he will be upset over something 15 years ago!

“He blew off my dad’s birthday dinner, but went to a coworker’s last-minute party”

2 Comments

They’ve been together for 10 years now, but he only chooses to hang out with her family about once a year. This time, he blew off her dad’s birthday dinner, but chose to attend a last-minute housewarming party for a coworker. Here are their sides of the story:

Chunkie says:

 I asked my boyfriend to accompany me to a birthday dinner for my dad. Gave him almost a week notice because he is very busy with work. I don’t usually bug him about coming to family events because of his busy/stressful job. He told me he couldn’t go to my dad’s dinner because he had a lot of work to do, so I didn’t ask again.

The day before the dinner, he was supposed to come over after we both got off work. When I was driving home, I called him to see if he was heading out too. He said that he was at a coworker’s house for a housewarming party. He had been invited last-minute and was supposedly only there for 20 minutes, but I have no way to know for sure the length of the stay.

The next day, he did not go to the dinner. (The dinner was an hour away, and we would have had to go after work around 6 pm). My frustration is that he was willing to drop what he was doing for a last-minute event for a coworker, but was unwilling/unable to attend the dinner that would have taken about 4 hours of his time.

Side note: we’ve been dating for 10 years, and he has not met 95% of my paternal family. He has met 20% of my maternal family basically because we live in the same city, but he only goes to an event about once a year at most.

Chubby says:

I have a very demanding job that currently is only able to be done by me. I go above and beyond expectations for the things that are due by me. I am uncomfortable meeting new people and don’t speak the same language as my girlfriend’s family. I have deadlines to meet by the end of the year and couldn’t afford give up more than 4 hours of my time due to work.

I was invited to a coworker’s housewarming party where my boss was gonna attend as well, and I didn’t want to let everyone down or refuse to go at all. I only attended for 20 minutes and then left. I don’t think I did anything wrong. I don’t understand why my girlfriend is upset with me for not going to the dinner.

So is this reasonable? Should she be mad at him? Or did he have a valid reason to attend the coworker housewarming, but not her dad’s birthday?

“We were so happy and insanely in love”

1 Comment

They’ve been together since high school. But now, the stress of both college and her mom’s cancer has taken a toll on their relationship. Is it worth fighting for, or is it time to let go?

Carly says:

 I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We hit it off senior year in high school, and have now made it through our first semester of college. We were so happy and insanely in love.

Two days before I went to college, my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer. This obstacle has been a burden on our relationship. Every argument we get into now makes me feel even more depressed on top of all the stress I am dealing with. I have lost the joy and same amount of giddiness I have had in the past.

We have been going through an extremely rough time recently, and our relationship is suffering. I’m not sure if all this is because of what I am having to deal with or if it is time to let go. I want to fix things and I know he loves me, but I don’t know if I should be investing all my focus into fixing our relationship. The last thing I want to do is end it, but I am so tired and stressed out. I’m not sure if I have the energy to mend this. I do not want to do anything impulsive.

Travis says:

 I love Carly with all my heart. Around our one-year, we started having a lot of problems. I deeply regret the way I acted at times and apologized over and over. I am committed to making a change in things, but I don’t know if she believes me.

I am a terrible plan-maker, and that makes Carly feel like less of a priority when I forget things. I say stupid things sometimes and always end up feeling terrible about it. I just hope I did not commit to making a change when it is already too late. I am afraid I already lost her. She is not in an emotional position to fix what is broken. I got so focused on college and finding a friend group that I lost the focus I had on our relationship.

I am trying to make a change, but we seem to always be at each other’s throats still. I think she has also lost sight of how happy she has been with me in the past, and I never want her to forget that.

“My girlfriend never mentioned me to her mate”

3 Comments

He’s frustrated that his girlfriend hasn’t mentioned him to her friend. She thinks he needs to back off, and it’s just a trust issue on his end. What do you think?

Pete says:

We’ve been seeing each other intensely for six months. We’re in love, but she admittedly is a private person on the whole.

We went on a double date with her best mate a few weeks ago. It went well, I thought. My girlfriend had told me previously that she’d told her friend about me, and I saw nothing to disbelieve that.

Yesterday she opened a text from her mate saying “how are you” etc., but within the text, it said, “how’s things on the man front?” I found this odd and disrespectful to me and our relationship. I asked my girlfriend to say that WE were great. My girlfriend agreed it was odd, as she’d given her no reason to think she was anything other than with me. She refused to acknowledge that wording in her reply and didn’t even mention me or us. This has knocked me a bit.

H. says:

I agree with everything above and did think it was an odd thing to put, but I decided to dismiss it as nonsense. Secondly, it got my back up that he told me how I should reply. I’ll speak to her face to face about it. I think it’s a trust issue that he wanted to see it in black and white.

“Is he keeping another dating option open?”

5 Comments

They’ve been dating for two months, and she’s suspicious of his female best friend. Given their stories below, what do you think?

Nick says:

Sarah and I have been in a relationship for about 2 months. Going into the relationship, I told her that my best friend in the world is another woman. This other woman and I are closer than brother and sister. My girlfriend thinks that it is rude and disrespectful of me to be so intimate with another woman, but I think that she only thinks that because she is afraid that I’m not loyal to her, which I find insulting.

Sarah says:

Nick and I have been dating for the last 2 months. I love him dearly, but I get the feeling that his friend loves him as much as I do. I fear that she will try to seduce Nick and take him away from me. Nick disagrees, but I’ve seen the way she looks at him, and I’m not too happy about how Nick looks back. I think that if a man is truly loyal, he only needs one woman in his life. I’m not anywhere near as close to any men as I am with Nick, but he is worryingly close to this woman. Am I at fault for asking him not to keep another dating option open?

“My friend was grabbed forcefully”

3 Comments

Her friend and her brother disagree on how she should respond to being grabbed. What do you think?

MA says:

My friend was touched sexually two days before the year ended. They were alone in the biology room. She wasn’t being provocative, and no, she didn’t want it to happen. She was grabbed forcefully and asked him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I say she should’ve gone to the office, but now it’s probably too late for that. If she has a class with him, I say to get it changed, or at least that she should say something to her parents, so they can get a restraining order against him.

EM says:

I’m her brother. I think it’s best to just keep shut until he strikes again. Because what if one mistake ruins his life? It’s too late, anyway, and it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like he raped her.

“My girlfriend restricted my access to hanging out with women”

3 Comments

Trevor says:

Now, I would like to preface this by pointing out that my girlfriend is not cheating on me. It’s not just because I’m stupid or naïve. I just understand certain things about her that would be a very long story to share on this. She’s an extremely territorial person who has since restricted my access to hanging out with women.

I understand this because of her past and background. However, she insists that she should have the ability to hang out with other men. This bothers me. She goes out with them, let’s them buy her drinks, and such. My territorial — and fairness — side pings here as this being something that isn’t fair.

Kenna says:

What my boyfriend doesn’t understand is that I live in this new area, find it very difficult to make friends, and want to be able to go out and have fun. I try to make female friends too, but I just find it more difficult, since the girls in my life seem to be more flaky than the boys.

I understand that the men who hang out with me want to sleep with me, but I would never sleep with them. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I love him dearly, and I’m not sexually interested in any of them. I don’t let him hang out with women, because it’s like him to hang out in groups of people, so it would be unlike him to hang out one-on-one. I, however, do not like hanging out with large groups. It’s just different.

“He sleeps until 2 pm every day”

3 Comments

Please help settle this tiff between this couple:

Chloe says:

We moved in together three years ago. We sleep at the same time every night, but the next day I wake up at 9:00 or so, and he sleeps in until 2:00 pm. I’ve already cleaned, fed our pets, attempted to fix him breakfast, and waited for him to wake. I’ve tried waking him up earlier, but he just rolls over and sleeps more. We’ve fought many times over this, but he just refuses to wake up at a decent hour, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t like being alone for so long and doing it all by myself.

Jon says:

Yeah I sleep in, but only because I’m tired. I try waking up sometimes, but I’m not perfect, ya know? I don’t get why its such a big deal.

 

“My partner thinks I’m a fool for believing in mythical creatures”

2 Comments

Please help settle this tiff between this couple:

“Realist” says:

My partner believes in elves and fairies and other mythical creatures as if they’re real beings interacting with us all the time — usually unseen but sometimes physically manifest. I don’t believe that to be real. I was testing just how committed to their belief they were, and after laughing at the idea that someone would actually believe something like this, we promptly began arguing about whether I was open-minded enough to be in this relationship.

“Believer” says:

I believe anything is possible, even things society says are not real. I believe that there are many unseen forces in the world – call them angels or fairies or whatever, I believe that these things are real and I know I’m not alone, people are afraid to talk about it because we’re afraid of being judged. My partner thinks I’m a fool for believing this and I don’t know if I can be in a relationship with someone who is so “mainstream” and unwilling to try on new ideas. When someone laughs at my beliefs I think that is a big red flag.

What do you think? Who do you side with, and what should they do?