I have a parent who creates online content and has a semi decent following. Recently he introduced me to a friend of his (same age) who has been a long time fan of his work. However this guy seems to have made a lot of effort for me, despite the fact we don’t actually know each other.
He waited a year to talk to me after he was initially introduced to me (online) while I was already in a relationship. Then we started talking a little bit when that relationship with my ex ended. Within those 2 months, he’s flown internationally to visit me, and then my dad. So we met for the first time. In person. He told me he was into me, and looking at transferring schools to either mine or my dad’s city.
This seems excessive. I’d be uncomfortable with someone I’ve known for a long time going to this kind of effort for me, but someone I’ve only been talking to for a few months? And this is someone that honestly doesn’t even know the start of who I am.
I wonder if he’s really into me at all or into the idea of me being my father’s daughter.
Do these seem like worrying signs, or am I reading too far into all this?
One thought on ““Is he into the idea of me?””
He’s moving way, way too fast and you’re hearing warning bells. Yes, this is a huge red flag. Tell him you need at least a year to get to know him before he makes any sort of plans to do all that. Also, just because he moved to be close doesn’t mean he gets to move in with you. Before you two shack up if you even do, here’s a list of things you need to talk about and be comfortable with:
\Articulate at least one reason besides convenience and finances to move in together.
Save enough money for three months’ rent (security in event of a breakup).
Reach an agreement on how rent/mortgage and household expenses will be split.
Discuss your financial situations in detail.
Be in agreement about potential future steps in your relationship, like marriage and kids, and when you’d like for those to happen.
Discuss how household chores will be divvied up.
Clean out your closets and get rid of all the crap you no longer want or need.
Celebrate a one-year anniversary together.
Go on a trip together.
Poop in each other’s homes.
Spend a whole week together.
Introduce your pets.
Decide whose furniture you’re keeping.
Pick out some new sheets and bedding that complements both your tastes.
Have an exit strategy (Who keeps the apartment in the event of a breakup? Will the person moving out find a new roommate for the person staying? What about the deposit on the apartment? Etc., etc.).
Also, be aware that narcissists love bomb their victims like that with overwhelming attention and presents and trips. I’m scared this guy wants to pull a Jeckle and Hyde on you and become abusive with how fast he’s moving.
I’m proud of you for seeing the signs. Real love takes time, commitment and work from both parties. Whirl wind romances are only good for the movies and books.