I have recently moved in with my boyfriend of over a year. I love being with him, but two things have bothered me since we moved. First and foremost, he is extremely concerned about money – this would be normal, but he has approximately 1000 dollars more than me currently, and I paid for all of our furniture/home essentials/most of our food.
Given that I don’t drive, he gets very upset about spending gas money (we hardly drive anywhere and he drove all the way home without me this past weekend, 3 hours away). It got to the point where we really needed another trash can, and he wasn’t going to buy one because a large one in Walmart was $10… so I caved in and bought it. It took him 2 weeks to pay back his $80 share of our internet/router. I really don’t have much money left but he expects me to pay half/more than half our groceries.
The other thing is, he just doesn’t seem attracted to me anymore. If we have sex I am the one to initiate, and he barely touches me and normally just wants me to get on top of him. We spoke about this and have had good sex twice since (I initiated though).
The money thing is very, very, very uncomfortable for me though, and I don’t even know how to bring it up. He gets very angry and acts like I’m crazy/doesn’t believe that I’ve paid for as much as I have. My stress levels have been through the roof and I’ve been crying and panicking a lot. He seems confused about that, too, and gets frustrated with me very quickly when I show any emotion or am not super happy or active. I think he may be stressed and acting like this due to that in part. But I need outside perspective. My friends are a little biased.
2 thoughts on ““He worries about money and never initiates sex””
Move out as soon as you can. The man is already gaslighting you and won’t have a realistic conversation about finances. He got what he wanted and doesn’t care about your needs, not even sexually. This is a abusive relationship. Get out as soon as you can.
The way he acts about money is alarming. I suppose it’s possible that he just doesn’t realize he’s being controlling, but I doubt it.
Please Google “financial abuse” and if what you read sounds at all familiar, you should end the relationship.
(This is a common tactic by all kinds of abusers – they get their victim to be dependent on them, which makes it harder to leave, and then the abuse gets much worse.)