“My fiancee wants me to leave my job and move”

My fiancée has been a teacher for 10 years now and is really frustrated because she feels stagnant in her career. She thinks she hasn’t advanced because she’s followed me around – first to a two-year MBA program where she taught at two different schools and now to a new city where I got a new job.

She really doesn’t enjoy this city and she’s had to start over at a new school again. She sees me take on a leadership role at my company and told me today that she resents it because she feels she can’t get traction anywhere, since she has to start over each year. She wants to leave this city and return to our hometown and argues that she followed me so I should follow her. However, I only started this job 6 months ago, and she doesn’t have a job back home. I don’t think it’s fair for me to leave my company this early. I understand her frustration and I’ve urged her to apply for leadership roles elsewhere, but she got really angry with me. She’s also concerned that it’s too late to even start a leadership trajectory because she wants to have kids in the next few years (we’re 31).

I ultimately acquiesced and told her that if she finds a job back home I’d quit and follow, but it didn’t satisfy her. I don’t know what to do.

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2 thoughts on ““My fiancee wants me to leave my job and move”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Don’t jump ship without a boat. You met her in the middle and it’s not your fault that she’s unhappy with her life now. Stick to your guns, because if you do have kids then you will be in a world of trouble.

  2. Alicia says:

    Sounds like she did things for you, because she loves you, but did them for you nonetheless. And now she is bitter. Because she is unhappy. And she is right. She has likely remained stagnant in her career because teachers get paid more etc based on seniority. I feel for her because not too long ago, I also didn’t understand that we are all responsible for our own happiness. And that is what makes being married difficult. You should and need to and have to take your significant others thoughts and feelings and life into consideration before you make a decision. I think it’s fair for her to expect you to stop hopping around now so she can get settled into a school. If you’re going to be married and have children, you’ll likely want and need roots. You guys really need to talk about what you both want. And listen. Sounds like she desperately wants to settle down. Buy a home and have solid careers and have a family. Good luck.

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