Three years ago I met a guy. He was bi-curious, meaning he wasn’t sure about his sexuality at the time. We talked a while and we ended up getting close. I knew he loved me and I felt the same way.

One day he second-guessed himself, since he was scared and still new to the whole ‘liking a guy’ thing. He ended up apologizing for leading me on and he told me that he doesn’t like guys and that he was straight. Less than a week later, he had a girlfriend and they seemed serious. I was hurt, but I never stopped loving him deep down. I ended up getting with this girl (I’m bisexual) and she and I were super happy for about a year and a half but in the end we just turned into best friends because neither of us were really feeling it. I ended up going solo for a while before I met another guy. We talked for a few months and he loved me, but I just couldn’t be with him because he was closeted because of his celebrity status. I ended up ending things with him in October.

In November I was ready to move back to NYC and even started the process. I had half of my stuff moved, but then the guy who I used to love messaged me again. He told me that he recently came out and he wanted me back because he loved me back then and still loves me. I was a little apprehensive at first but by December I accepted him back. The holidays came around and I told him I’d be gone close to a month visiting my family. They live on the opposite side of the world, so I let him know that communication may be a little difficult, since there was a 12 hour time difference.

I did my best to talk to him as much as I could and I even sacrificed my sleep for it at times. We Facetimed and texted all the time. The last week of my trip, I ended up breaking my phone. I didn’t have his number memorized and I couldn’t really contact him any other way so I went 3 days without talking to him. Finally I replaced my phone and got in contact with him. I explained my predicament and he said everything was ok.

I could tell there was something wrong and I asked what it was: he ended up telling me that he wanted to break up because he didn’t want a relationship. Because of family problems and friendship problems. I told him I would be there in under 3 days and it still wasn’t enough. We are still talking, but not in a relationship way. A week has passed since he broke up with me and he tells me every day how much he loves me, and it’s hurting me even more because I don’t know how he can say he loves me, but doesn’t want a relationship with me. It’s not a friendly love, it’s a romantic love. I have literally sacrificed a lot to be with him. How do I handle this? I’m just so confused and I can’t ask my friends out of embarrassment. I just have no clue what to do about this. I’m mad about a guy that loves me but doesn’t wanna be with me. Please help me.