“I can’t stop thinking and talking about him”

I really, really like this guy, who also happens to be a good friend. I’ve known him for almost two years and felt nothing romantically towards him at first, but after getting to know him, I realized I like him more than a friend.

He often gives mixed signals, we’ve matched on Tinder about a dozen times now, but we don’t mention it, and I know he’s matched with some of his other friends. He’ll message me almost everyday, about little things like his cat or asking for help with college work, or gossip, or something bad that happened to him. He will also try drag out the conversation as much as possible. We have a lot of things in common with each other and are going to a concert together later this year. I really like him a lot and can’t stop thinking/talking about him. It makes my day when he messages me or pays attention to me in someway, and the thought of him with someone else really hurts. I’ve gone on dates with other guys, but I can’t stop thinking about him and find myself comparing them to him. He also hasn’t gone on any dates since I’ve known him, which is odd as he is quite attractive. Part of me wants to say how I feel to him in case he feels the same way, but I’d be afraid of damaging the friendship. We also don’t have any mutual friends, so I can’t get a friend’s advice either. I don’t know what to do…

2 thoughts on ““I can’t stop thinking and talking about him”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Life is taking chances. Ask him out. All he can do is say no. Yeah, rejection hurts, but so does losing him to someone else, because you chickened out. He might be waiting for you to ask him out.

  2. Dave C. says:

    OK, where young people get confused is that they think too much. The situation you write about is not complicated, at all. It’s almost hilarious to read a post like this, looking on it with the wisdom of old age…

    The difference between a friend and a girlfriend is…the girlfriend is someone that the guy counts on to give him physical affection that he NEEDS. That works the other way, too. The difference between a friend and a boyfriend is that the girl counts on the boyfriend to give her the physical affection that she NEEDS. Now, when I say “physical affection”, I’m not just talking about SEX. What we all need is things like hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands….and YES, we need sex also.

    Now you know the difference between a friend and a girlfriend. You want to jump that barrier from friend to girlfriend. So….


    You don’t need to discuss the matter with him first. Talking is a very primitive and rather ineffective means of communication anyway. Next time you are alone with him, kiss him. And I mean on the lips, with lots of tongue action. I’m SERIOUS!!! Kiss him so passionately that his jeans catch on fire.

    You can tell him “I want to be your girlfriend”. But if you do that, you are acting as a (platonic) friend would act. If you want him to see you as his girlfriend, you’ve got to get past the talking. Just kiss him. He’ll get the message…

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