“I really like this guy, but don’t want to come on too strong”

I met a guy a month ago. I initiated everything: I talked to him first, I asked him to go out several times. We recently hooked up and I’m not sure how I feel about everything. Personally, I do not know where I stand in terms of wanting a relationship, commitment or anything like that right now in my life. I do not know what I feel about him yet. I just know that I feel a little something when he doesn’t respond in a timely fashion.

I understand the importance of space, so I force myself to not spam him with messages, especially when he is not responding first. He responds really slowly, or not as fast as I would like him too. I am aware that not everyone is on social media as much as I am, but I just feel like things aren’t being reciprocated. The fact that I overthink so much definitely plays a role in this equation.

There was this instance where I gave him my number in a conversation, and he completely ignored it and continued talking about something we were talking about previously. So in the end, he never messaged me and I never got his number. When we talk though, it doesn’t seem like he is pushing me away. It also doesn’t seem like he is pushing me away when we met the few times in person. To me, the conversations seem to be fun and interesting. I have no idea what’s going on in his head though.

More than anything else, I am afraid to be my full-blown self. So many women have told me to hold myself back and not to be myself. I never believed that, but now I am starting to doubt myself and second-guess every move I make, with anyone for the matter. I just feel like I do not know how to play this game because everything I have done was deemed “wrong” by my female friends. I am just so confused. What is this guy’s deal?

One thought on ““I really like this guy, but don’t want to come on too strong”

  1. therapyinsdcom says:

    It also sounds to me like you are ruminating to the point where you may think there is a magic answer, but there’s not. Dating advice, friends and society as a whole tells women to be mysterious, upfront, coy, look gorgeous, independent and needy at the same time….and that’s just 1% of it! Generally things can be more simple- if someone really likes you they will reach out you contact them.

    Doing nothing is doing something as far as responses at times, so to keep from losing your mind during the breaks in communication keep yourself busy. When you see yourself doing down any unhelpful thought path, gently remind yourself to stop and distract. Go do something that keeps your mind off of it and you’ll begin to feel better during those times of ambiguity. If there’s no response now you have more emotional space to find someone who will text bombing you! Best of luck-

    Karen Kerschmann, LCSW

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