I am recently engaged and am having some issues with a friend. It all starts back in high school. There are four of us who have stayed friends and my friend Kelly is whom I am having a problem with. Kelly happened to date my fiance’s twin brother Jon, in high school and ended up breaking his heart. She also dated a guy named Ben, for two weeks and then broke it off with him too. Ben has now been dating my fiance’s sister Sophie. Small town problems.
Jon and Kelly were fine. The four of us even hung out together a few times after me and my fiancé started dating. Then two years ago, Jon deleted her on Facebook and refused to meet us for breakfast one morning because she would be there. I have a hunch that Jon’s reasoning is because Kelly dated a friend of Jon and my fiance, and this is around the time that they broke up because she was talking to another guy. Now every time the four of us high school friends get together, she asks me how Jon is doing and proceeds to say she still can’t believe how he deleted her on Facebook, literally every time making me feel very in the middle.
Also, around two years ago, something happened between her and Ben. I am not exactly sure what, because they were also fine after their break-up. I do not want to get in the middle of things (even though I already am) and ask what exactly happened but I think its something along the lines of him spreading rumors about her. This also comes up every time we get together. Her sister who often joins us and states how badly she wants to punch him in the face. She also states how Sophia hates her and won’t even talk to her anymore cause they used to be good friends when her and Jon were dating. Once again I feel caught in the middle. I know Ben has his issues and can be two faced, but the side of him that I see is kind and sweet, and the other side I just have to take for word from Kelly.
I HATE DRAMA. The idea of having the four of these people, along with Kelly’s sister who wants to punch Ben in the face, gives me anxiety. I even told my fiance I wanted to elope because of this situation, but he really wanted a wedding. When starting to wedding plan I didn’t know what to do about Kelly. I decided to meet in between. I did not think it would be fair to have her be a bridesmaid and disregard the feelings of my fiances’ siblings, however I also didn’t think it was fair that I didn’t get to have who I wanted, to stand up next to me. So, I asked her to be my personal attendant so she would not have to be in pictures or at the groom’s dinner table with all of my fiance’s family, but could still play a part in my day.
Last week, I invited her to go dress shopping with us so she felt included, but I have told her in the past that I did not expect her to get a bridesmaid’s dress. This past week I received a text from her that she thought it would be too hard for her to go dress shopping with us and as much as she wanted to support me and be with everyone else, she just couldn’t do it.
I understand that making her a personal attendant wasn’t easy for her (wasn’t for me either) however, I don’t understand her thought process. Does she really think that she can be in a wedding where the husband’s siblings hate her? And I get the feeling she doesn’t think any of it is her fault. I feel as though her intent was to make me feel bad (it worked). I am also starting to feel very done with this whole situation and am considering telling her she may as well not be at the wedding at all. I no longer look at her as a close friend but I worry this will ruin the relationship with my other two high school friends whom I love very much, but who I believe still consider her as a friend and had her at their own weddings.
I need advice and I feel an outsider who doesn’t know me will provide me with the best advice. Am I in the wrong here? Am I being too dramatic about this or caring too much? Should I just ignore her and continue on with my plan, should I sit down and explain to her how I feel? Or should I not give her the time of day and just be done? HELP!