“Her coworker threatened to kill me if I try to go anywhere near her”

I was in a relationship with someone for close to 3 years. We had decided early on that we wanted to get married. Recently, though, she broke it off, shifting all the blame on me.

I took the blame, being the nice guy, and she originally gave me a chance to win her back. But soon after (the next day), she retracted any chance to be in her life. She said she had been unhappy for a while, but never told me anything. I didn’t see a big change, since she was always negative.

I haven’t faltered once in the relationship with love. I always wanted to be there for her, but she ended the relationship without any chance for me to try to make things better. I am worried for her, so I told her family about the situation, and even they don’t know what’s wrong. She won’t answer to anyone in her family, and she’s lying when she says she’s talking with her family.

A lot of her family is on the other side of the world, so I have the best chances (slim to none) of reaching out to try to help. A coworker of her’s even threatened to kill me if I tried to go anywhere near her or her friends. I am deeply worried, but I don’t know if there is anything I could even do.

5 thoughts on ““Her coworker threatened to kill me if I try to go anywhere near her”

  1. Anonymous says:

    There is nothing you can do unless she asks you to. At this point just stay away from her and let her contact you if she ever wants to.

  2. solstice444 says:

    Move on – she didn’t appreciate you and she has been unhappy in the relationship. If she doesn’t want you in her life, there’s nothing you can do. Breakups are very hard, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Don’t try to make things right – she clearly doesn’t want to.

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    There’s something weird to me about the fact that her coworker threatened to kill you if you go near her, so I’m going to focus on that. Let’s go over the possible reasons the coworker might do this:

    1) Assuming it’s a male coworker, maybe he’s interested in your ex, and this is his way of glomming onto her.

    2) Assuming a coworker of either sex, maybe your ex has talked so much shit about you that her coworkers are now in a massive protection mode over her.

    3) In an attempt to win her back, you’ve been acting in a creepy stalker-ish kind of way, to the point that her coworkers are starting to worry for her safety.

    1 seems the least likely of the scenarios to me. Like, it seems to be overcomplicating a situation that can be explained in other, simpler ways.

    2 is possible, but if that is the case, you have to let her go. She’s over you and has moved on.

    3 … well, I’ll be blunt. Given your description of the events, I find 3 to be the most likely. You say that you haven’t faltered and that you took the blame. But it’s also clear from the way you explained things that you don’t actually believe you hold any blame for the breakup (i.e., her negativity is to blame). And I find that to be suspect. There has to be a reason that she broke up with you. So the question is, are you open to hearing this? Or are you shutting her out and insisting that you’ve done nothing wrong?

    You also express this white-knight-ish concern for her well-being. Like, you’re trying to be her savior, or at least the savior to this broken relationship. But … does she actually want that? Because it really sounds like she doesn’t.

    So, my guess at this point is that, in an effort to salvage the relationship, you’ve unwittingly stepped into the realm of being a bit creepy and too imposing. As such, my suggestion is just to back off. Give her some space, and let her live her own life for a while, without your presence in it. If you are meant to get back together, it’ll happen. But it’s not going to happen by you pushing the issue.

    Oh, and in case you’re wondering why I suspect this is what you’re doing, it’s because I myself have done the same thing in the past. In fact, I’d say most guys have. So hey, welcome to the club.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Dennis, you hit the nail on the head. No relationship is black and white- sounds like it’s time for some serious introspection before you carry this ‘I’m the nice guy’ concept into the next relationship and sabotage your own happiness.

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