“My girlfriend wants me to fire my coworker”

My long-term relationship girlfriend wants me to fire a coworker. She is devastated, has nightmares, is taking medication… it’s more than jealousy.  I have a good friendship with said coworker and nothing inappropriate has ever happened from either end, but we did become good friends.

We have hung out numerous times in the past, with my girlfriend, as a group. My coworker has a pretty cool group of friends. I connected with her and her friends more than anyone else in this city and I can understand how that could make my girl uncomfortable. When my girlfriend started sharing these feelings with me, I assured her many times that nothing is happening. It wasn’t enough. She sees details everywhere, pointing to an inevitable falling in love that the more she runs through what she thinks, the more she is convinced. She wants to believe me but it keeps getting worse. I stopped hanging out with the coworker, only work related things during work time and I have closed off my personal relationship with her. We are not in a kind of job where we see each other every day, we hire her to come help about 5 times a month, and she does certain things from home. In the last 2 months, I’ve only seen her about 4 times. I was hoping that distancing myself from the coworker would make things better, but things are getting worse.

My girlfriend wants me to fire her. I’ve talked to my business partner about this and he thinks we shouldn’t fire her, after all, nothing inappropriate has happened. She has worked with us for over 2 years with little pay and hasn’t done anything wrong. The coworker is very grateful for this opportunity and has been told that as the company grows, we will have more to compensate her for her work. I am concerned about my girlfriend’s health and I think she might do something very bad to herself if things don’t change. I could probably convince my business partner to let me fire her, although he will not agree it’s the right thing to do. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do but again, I fear for my girlfriend’s safety.

Any insight is very appreciated. I love my girlfriend and although we have gone through tough things like these, we also have a very deep meaningful bond, and we are never bored together. I don’t know what to do.

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5 thoughts on ““My girlfriend wants me to fire my coworker”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Let me get this strait, your girlfriend wants you to FIRE someone who has done nothing wrong other than work with you and behave like a good human being?

    Your girlfriend needs some serious medical help. I’m not being a jerk or saying that maliciously. She needs medication and possibly a psychologist to see on a regular basis. You need to go along with her to help explain what’s going on, because you’re going to need professional back up to show her you’re not gas lighting her. I believe you are not and a good man. However ABUSIVE partners close off people’s friendships first.

    This girl has done nothing wrong and should not be punished. Also, you do know that she could sue you for firing her. This could fall under harassment if she’s documented things correctly.

  2. arcticiris says:

    It sounds like to me your girlfriend doesn’t trust you. And if I’ve learned anything from helping my friends out through relationship problems, it’s that trust is your most basic foundation that must be secured in order for the couple to function well. Firing this coworker will not solve the problem. Besides being totally wrong, your girlfriend doesn’t have a right to tell you who to fire. Especially since this coworker has done absolutely nothing wrong to merit such a decision. Your girlfriend is being insecure and untrustworthy. By all means, distancing yourself from this coworker was the right move. You’re not doing anything wrong either. It’s your girlfriend that is be problem. She feels threatened when there’s no reason to be and she doesn’t trust you enough to take at your word that nothing has happened or will happen between you and your coworker. Firing an employee that does well in your company is not the answer. Look at it this way, even if you did fire this coworker, who’s to say this won’t happen again win a different coworker? Maybe not even a coworker, the sister of a friend? Any female friend at all? Forgive my bluntness, but your girlfriend is being ridiculously selfish. While it’s understandable she’d want you to herself, she clearly doesn’t trust you in the aspect of your friendships with other women. You’re allowed to have friendships with the opposite sex. Don’t let her make you think otherwise. The root of your problem is trust. You need to get that foundation down firm; without firing your coworker. Or… you may have to end things with your girlfriend. You’re doing everything you can in a reasonable and sensible way to fix things between you and your girlfriend. Whatever your girlfriend is feeling right now, it’s not your fault. And if this is way she is being even after your clear effort… You and your coworker aren’t the problem. She is.

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    You’re asking the wrong question. The issue here isn’t what you should do about your coworker. The issue is what you should do about your girlfriend …

  4. steven says:

    No offence but surely you can see that your girlfriend is the one who needs help? Im also pretty sure that you could be sued for firing someone without any proper grounds for doing so?

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