“My best friend and I have feelings for the same guy”

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I think I’m starting to have feelings for a guy I’ve been friends with for a while. I suppose it was inevitable; he’s the type of person who is playful and easy to talk to. I genuinely love spending time with him.

Here lies the problem. My best friend has had feelings for him for the past 2 years. I know, at first glance it sounds like a cliche romance plot. But it isn’t a joke anymore whenever I have to listen to her talking about how amazing, kind, beautiful he is and having to say things like, “you’d be perfect for each other”.

I tried to repress my feelings at first, knowing it would end up like this. But I can’t stay away, no matter how hard I try to keep him at arms length. His personality just draws me in. Thankfully I only see him a few times a week since we have different classes, but I know that if I allow myself to get closer, I will fall for him.

I’m beginning to get too nervous to talk to him, because I know she is around somewhere and will start to suspect something is going on if she sees us laughing and joking around like children, which is what our conversations inevitably end in.

I don’t know what to do. Does it make me a terrible person? And before you go to answer that question with “no”, think about the fact that I might actually have a chance with him if I tried (that’s what his friends have hinted at) and I would be taking away her dream guy. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

(P.s. Sorry for the length. This is the first time I’ve opened up about this so it’s more of a rant :-))

“Do I fix or forget my stuck-in-the-mud boyfriend?”

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So, in the nicest way possible, I think I’m dating a loser. I guess I’m the quintessential girl that always dates guys that need fixing, but it’s never intentional. The last guy I dated had suffered emotional / physical abuse and it was complicated, but very passionate and I loved him very much. I kind of walked into a mess on this one. My current bf was still living with his ex’s family when we met, but they had already broken up and he was moving out and back in with his parents before we even got close enough to consider dating, but I didn’t know all this until later.

We were set up, and had two months of mixed signals and odd communication before finally getting together. He was struggling in school and didn’t have many friends because his ex was controlling and also pretty mentally and financially abusive, so he transferred to my university to get back on track with his life. I go to the university he was originally going to go to before his ex convinced him to go to her college , so it felt like he was going full circle. He was passionate and excited and I thought he would adjust quickly and be fine. We were hot and heavy and in love and were a really cute couple, and I felt that it could just go up from there. So I thought. Continue reading →

“My husband beats me and cheats on me”

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My husband and I just moved to a new home in a different town. He promised me that this move would be good for us as a family (we have a kid together) and that he would do better and help out more (I work a full time job at home and take care of the bills and the home ,basically on my own). My husband’s temper has only gotten worse the longer we’ve been together… He’s already hit me and choked me a few times… When he actually DOES get a job he can’t hold it for longer than a month because he’s always threatening his coworkers and going off on his bosses.

He’s talking about going to the military and while part of me is excited to FINALLY be able to relax and get some real help (financially) another part of me is scared that he’s gonna end up one of those military men that beat on and cheat on their spouses (he’s already cheated on me 5 times.)

Maybe this is a stupid question but what do I even do at this point? I can’t leave town because he broke my car. Every time I try to throw him out he guilts me into letting him stay to work it out but then talks a bunch of crap behind my back … He doesn’t help with our child, just closes him in his room until I come out of my office during my lunch break or when I’m off… What do I do?

“Massive argument with my boyfriend and mother”

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My boyfriend is a loud Italian man. He is younger than me by a handful of years. He has the biggest heart I’ve ever encountered. His Italian anger can be rather in your face. This last weekend, we spent time at my mother’s installing a sprinkler system for her. He generally enjoys being around my brother and mother. He feels like family.

However, she took us to dinner and told him to order whatever because the food was cheap. She saw the bill and cracked a joke about how half of the bill came from his meal. Then on the way home, she drove and isn’t the easiest to ride with – she drives jerky and all gas, all brake, she managed to slam on the brakes heading toward a stop sign. The left over food from dinner went flying and he and I got choked by our seat belts. I commented on how food went flying and he tried to play it off by cracking a joke about her driving. She snapped. Continue reading →

“Did I scare him off?”

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This guy and I have been school mates since elementary school till college. We never noticed each other until college started. Since we were paired up together in a group project, we became a bit closer. I felt that he has, maybe, some feelings for me because he really cared about me when I was sick in school and I noticed that he didn’t do the same for other girls. He would occasionally steal glances at me in classes. In addition, he would stare at me when I was laughing with my friends and he would then be curious and ask me what was I discussing about with my friends.

I feel like he was always inquisitive about my life which I didn’t see him doing to other girls. My classmates joked about us being together and he would always smile and look at me. During that period of time, I didn’t dare to confess to him because both of us were preparing for national exams and I didn’t want to get distracted. After the exam, he went for his national service. I finally made a decision to open up to him and tried to message him after months of pondering. Continue reading →

“Is he keeping another dating option open?”

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They’ve been dating for two months, and she’s suspicious of his female best friend. Given their stories below, what do you think?

Nick says:

Sarah and I have been in a relationship for about 2 months. Going into the relationship, I told her that my best friend in the world is another woman. This other woman and I are closer than brother and sister. My girlfriend thinks that it is rude and disrespectful of me to be so intimate with another woman, but I think that she only thinks that because she is afraid that I’m not loyal to her, which I find insulting.

Sarah says:

Nick and I have been dating for the last 2 months. I love him dearly, but I get the feeling that his friend loves him as much as I do. I fear that she will try to seduce Nick and take him away from me. Nick disagrees, but I’ve seen the way she looks at him, and I’m not too happy about how Nick looks back. I think that if a man is truly loyal, he only needs one woman in his life. I’m not anywhere near as close to any men as I am with Nick, but he is worryingly close to this woman. Am I at fault for asking him not to keep another dating option open?

“I’m sleeping with my co-worker”

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I’ve been dating a guy from work for the last 3 months. We’ve worked together for a year, but things finally started recently. We go out when our busy schedules permit it, and we always have a good time. We started sleeping together. He compliments me, pleases me sexually (takes his time on me in the bedroom), and motivates me in so many other areas of life. He’s supportive and gives great advice.

Our communication has waned in the last few weeks but we still see each other and are intimate. We have only had sex about 5 or 6 times. I’m a very passive person, but I want to make sure our situation is not based on the physical. How can I approach the situation? Any tips on how to have this conversation? I do want to pursue a relationship with him but I want to protect myself from getting hurt.

“My boyfriend has poor hygiene and nasty habits”

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. For the last 3 years (since we moved in together) I have been pointing out his poor personal hygiene habits and overall cleanliness. He has made improvements, but I find it hard to be attracted to him as of late. He used to go 5 or 6 days without a shower and was wearing the same clothes every day to work.

He doesn’t work now, but wears the same thing every day at home. When I mention it he retorts with ‘he showers nightly now and should be able to wear the same house clothes.’ He makes me feel as tho I am nit picking…. am I? Continue reading →

“How should I approach this?”

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I am leaving this summer to go to East Asia to lead and take part in a missions project. There is a girl I am quite interested in and she is going on the trip with us. The trick though is that I am moving to the country and staying for school rather than going back to the States.

I don’t want my feelings to get in the way or affect my ministry but I don’t want to just leave these thoughts and feelings bottled up for me to just “deal with it”.