My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. For the last 3 years (since we moved in together) I have been pointing out his poor personal hygiene habits and overall cleanliness. He has made improvements, but I find it hard to be attracted to him as of late. He used to go 5 or 6 days without a shower and was wearing the same clothes every day to work.
He doesn’t work now, but wears the same thing every day at home. When I mention it he retorts with ‘he showers nightly now and should be able to wear the same house clothes.’ He makes me feel as tho I am nit picking…. am I? I was horrified when I learned of his habits because it explained so much. I kept having a problem with vaginal bacteria throughout my pregnancy (because he was leaving germs behind after sex). I kept having to clean a weird smell off my couches and eventually ended up throwing them out thinking they were overused (he sat in them with his dirty cloths and body).
He finally ‘noticed’ an issue with odor in his shoes, he said it was from wearing them without socks. We bought powder to combat this (he never washed his clothes, so his socks were dirty, that was the problem). Every time I bring up his hygiene he says I have a negative outlook and my issue is not seeing that he is getting better. I listen to him and try to see things positively, but it’s only a couple months later and we are having the same argument.
I recognize that he has gotten better, but it’s almost like I don’t care now. I am not interested in being romantic or sexual because I’m upset by the fact that I had to teach him about personal hygiene in the first place. I felt like his mom. Sometimes still do. We have a young child and I’m trying to make things work for the sake of our daughter. How do we get romance and sex back into the relationship? How do I look past his issues and refrain from correcting them? If I stay despite all of this, am I settling?
He has an issue with video games (always on a computer or console), he often puts his friends first, over time with me (drives his friend to Niagara to meet a girl, but has never taken me and complains about the drive when I mention going). He only attends special events or vacations when I plan them and do all the ground work. We rarely had enjoyable sex, before I knew of his nasty habits. Now we don’t even have sex, we sleep and wake up at different times so don’t really spend much time in bed together. I’m worried the disconnect is beyond repair.