“My boyfriend has poor hygiene and nasty habits”

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. For the last 3 years (since we moved in together) I have been pointing out his poor personal hygiene habits and overall cleanliness. He has made improvements, but I find it hard to be attracted to him as of late. He used to go 5 or 6 days without a shower and was wearing the same clothes every day to work.

He doesn’t work now, but wears the same thing every day at home. When I mention it he retorts with ‘he showers nightly now and should be able to wear the same house clothes.’ He makes me feel as tho I am nit picking…. am I? I was horrified when I learned of his habits because it explained so much. I kept having a problem with vaginal bacteria throughout my pregnancy (because he was leaving germs behind after sex). I kept having to clean a weird smell off my couches and eventually ended up throwing them out thinking they were overused (he sat in them with his dirty cloths and body).

He finally ‘noticed’ an issue with odor in his shoes, he said it was from wearing them without socks. We bought powder to combat this (he never washed his clothes, so his socks were dirty, that was the problem). Every time I bring up his hygiene he says I have a negative outlook and my issue is not seeing that he is getting better. I listen to him and try to see things positively, but it’s only a couple months later and we are having the same argument.

I recognize that he has gotten better, but it’s almost like I don’t care now. I am not interested in being romantic or sexual because I’m upset by the fact that I had to teach him about personal hygiene in the first place. I felt like his mom. Sometimes still do. We have a young child and I’m trying to make things work for the sake of our daughter. How do we get romance and sex back into the relationship? How do I look past his issues and refrain from correcting them? If I stay despite all of this, am I settling?

He has an issue with video games (always on a computer or console), he often puts his friends first, over time with me (drives his friend to Niagara to meet a girl, but has never taken me and complains about the drive when I mention going). He only attends special events or vacations when I plan them and do all the ground work. We rarely had enjoyable sex, before I knew of his nasty habits. Now we don’t even have sex, we sleep and wake up at different times so don’t really spend much time in bed together. I’m worried the disconnect is beyond repair.

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2 thoughts on ““My boyfriend has poor hygiene and nasty habits”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yeah. Don’t marry this man child or have kids with him. You’ll be stuck dealing with him for the rest of your life then. It’s time to move on. He’s not going to change even if you left and he came crying to the door that he would. He’s not. You’re his servant instead of his partner now. Why should he if you come back? Next time don’t move in with someone until you know their house habits. He doesn’t care about how you feel now. Why should he later?

    I don’t remember where I found this list, but it will help you next time around:

    Articulate at least one reason besides convenience and finances to move in together.
    Save enough money for three months’ rent (security in event of a breakup).
    Reach an agreement on how rent/mortgage and household expenses will be split.
    Discuss your financial situations in detail.
    Be in agreement about potential future steps in your relationship, like marriage and kids, and when you’d like for those to happen.
    Discuss how household chores will be divvied up.
    Clean out your closets and get rid of all the crap you no longer want or need.
    Celebrate a one-year anniversary together.
    Go on a trip together.
    Poop in each other’s homes.
    Spend a whole week together.
    Introduce your pets.
    Decide whose furniture you’re keeping.
    Pick out some new sheets and bedding that complements both your tastes.
    Have an exit strategy (Who keeps the apartment in the event of a breakup? Will the person moving out find a new roommate for the person staying? What about the deposit on the apartment? Etc., etc.).

  2. Anonymous says:

    It seems that his hygiene issues are symptomatic of possibly a bigger problem. You mention that he does not work and spends a lot of time playing computer and video games. I would suggest that it seems his priorities are not in order and that he is not motivated to improve. That general attitude then becomes more evident when factoring in cleanliness and hygiene.

    You have a child together, so I urge you to think in their best interest regarding whatever decision you make.

    Perhaps sit down with him and give an ultimatum. At the end of the day, you can support him in changing his habits but can’t change them for him. Good luck!

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