“My best friend and I have feelings for the same guy”

I think I’m starting to have feelings for a guy I’ve been friends with for a while. I suppose it was inevitable; he’s the type of person who is playful and easy to talk to. I genuinely love spending time with him.

Here lies the problem. My best friend has had feelings for him for the past 2 years. I know, at first glance it sounds like a cliche romance plot. But it isn’t a joke anymore whenever I have to listen to her talking about how amazing, kind, beautiful he is and having to say things like, “you’d be perfect for each other”.

I tried to repress my feelings at first, knowing it would end up like this. But I can’t stay away, no matter how hard I try to keep him at arms length. His personality just draws me in. Thankfully I only see him a few times a week since we have different classes, but I know that if I allow myself to get closer, I will fall for him.

I’m beginning to get too nervous to talk to him, because I know she is around somewhere and will start to suspect something is going on if she sees us laughing and joking around like children, which is what our conversations inevitably end in.

I don’t know what to do. Does it make me a terrible person? And before you go to answer that question with “no”, think about the fact that I might actually have a chance with him if I tried (that’s what his friends have hinted at) and I would be taking away her dream guy. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

(P.s. Sorry for the length. This is the first time I’ve opened up about this so it’s more of a rant :-))

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4 thoughts on ““My best friend and I have feelings for the same guy”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I think its not right. Knowing that your friend likes him before you, you should have held back. Im in a similar issue like you. Just I am more in your friends shoes. So like I liked a girl for quite a while. One of my friends knew and he was after another girl at the time. However, he got turned down. Recently I decided to start making my move but that idiot started talking to her more often. I confronted him and he said nothing was on – it is just that they in the same class. I started noticing he does like her as he does make opportunities to go talk to her, tries to get her to go to his house and tries to always take photos with her. Due to quite a bit of reasons I started hating him for doing that, so like any opportunity I get I end up torturing him mentally indirectly – I know thats wrong bt I have warned him a couple of times and I feel he is just as wrong.

    My suggestion would be to first open up to your friend and see what she says because I would have really appreciated if my friend did that. I would have most probably tried to go out with that girl bt if I could see I was getting nowhere, I would have been sad, but would have given him the opportunity to go after her. That way, I feel there would not be this tension that we have now, going on between us.

    Most probably if he does get this girl, I promised myself I would make him regret doing so. I am sure you do not want something like that happening. 🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    I would tell her now is the time to make a move or you will. That you love her and that’s why you have not and that you will respect their relationship as long as she is in it. Since she’s built him up to be someone who is too perfect to be human now in her head, the relationship will not last. Wait a couple months before addressing dating him and decide before then if losing her friendship will be worth it.

    Are you a bad person for feeling attraction to someone? No. That means you are human.

    If he takes her up on it, he isn’t a bad person either, but human.

    Meanwhile focus on something other than them (which will be difficult all the time) like a hobby, other friends, work, school, ect. Build yourself into the YOU that is the best. A relationship will not make you happy in the long run. Only you can do that.

  3. K.A says:

    To be honest this really boils down to two scenarios. Unfortunately they’re both disappointing. Your first option is to repress these feelings and continue doing what you’re doing now, which can be painful. Your second option is to confront your friend and tell her that you’ve grown feelings towards her crush, and how you feel the need to make a move for him.
    Of course, what you’re actually doing here is choosing between your friendship and your to-be relationship. From my experience, there is no outcome where you’ll maintain your friendship and get the relationship. Even if your friend supports the idea of you two dating , she will definitely grow a sense of disdain towards you, and over time you will grow distant.
    The real question you should be asking yourself: which do I want more, (or which do I think is the more moral option) to date my friends crush ? Or maintain the relationship I have with my friend?

    Best of luck

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