Alright – this blurb isn’t about love and the opposite sex!! Surprising for me since joining on here, I know!

My oldest friends, 15 years of friendships here are in jeopardy – and I need some advice.

I am the only single person in my group of friends, and this causes some tension when it comes to outings. I’m never invited to ‘ticketed’ events – concerts, ball games, tennis matches, what have you because its easier for 6 people , three couples, to go, then eat the cost of the 6th ticket and invite me. I am also never invited to nights in ( games nights etc) because of the odd number it causes. I also have a different work schedule then they do, as I’m typically not Monday-Friday. I have always made time to go visit them in their new houses, and new neighborhoods, and made a conscious effort to show up for important events. They do not do the same for me. Plans that I make with them out my way are always cancelled, or opted for closer to the majority, and my birthday is always an event that I celebrate mostly on my own, save a few other friends that aren’t from back in the day.

I have made it known I don’t appreciate the feeling of being ‘left out’ when it comes to events, or outings or weekends away simply because I’m just one person, and not a couple. My best friend insured me it had nothing to do with being single, just simply worked out that way that the couples end up doing stuff together.

My conversation with this gf was brought up when I heard that two of the couples were planning a trip to one of the guys time shares in the Dominican Republic. I asked my best friend if this was something open to all the friends as a fun trip away, or if it was only limited to couples. She said she was going to ask what the capacity was for the condo and then she would get back to me.

Fast forward to last week, and I have the time booked off and the money saved for the flight, and I find out they are leaving Sunday, and its all couples going, and I wasn’t even asked. 8 of my closest friends were leaving on a trip to the Dominican, and my best friend didn’t even think to mention it to me – didn’t even bring it up. I assumed that there was no room for more people (aside from the original 4) so I didn’t press the issue.

I found out that the couples were going on the Wednesday, and didn’t even say anything to my best friends – no Bon Voyage, no have fun, no nothing. I was so unbelievably insulted by the whole thing.

These people tell me that I don’t need a significant other to be happy or fulfilled in my life, yet they are the very same people who discriminate me because I can’t bring an ‘even’ number to the group.

How do I go about this? Do I bring it up? Do I just leave it alone? Is it worth a fight with my oldest friends, and possibly losing the people I spend most of my life with?

I know this all sounds so juvenile, but when it comes down to it, these people mean the most to me out of any of my friends, and I can’t help but feel left out and completely hurt about the whole situation.

Thoughts?

The first time my boyfriend and I ever had a conversation about the future, it was super heavy. We discussed what we would do if I were pregnant and we found out there was a birth defect or if there were some sort of complication where my life was at risk because of the unborn baby.

We were in perfect agreement on both issues. My life and our life as a couple, should always be considered more important than that of the life of our unborn baby. Save me, not the baby. Protect our future, we can always try again.

I was watching a re-run of Scrubs the other day and this issue came up. A pregnant woman had a heart defect and could die if they didn’t deliver the baby RIGHT NOW — about two months early — which of course meant the baby might not make it. The wife was knocked out to prevent stress on her heart, which left the decision up to the husband: Save his wife, or save his baby?

He ended up choosing to save his baby. (And actually his wife ended up pulling through too but hey, it’s a TV show so that’s not really the point.) I have to say, if I’d woken up to find out that my husband chose to save an unborn baby he’d never met, over the wife he promised to spend his life with, I’d have been really pissed off. Guess it’s a good thing my boyfriend and I have already talked about it.

Where do you guys stand?

Alright peeps – here is the dilemma.

I have dated online for many many many many years. I have met all sorts – assholes, mommy’s boys, fetishists,etc…anything you can think of. Except someone who is relatively normal. Until I met Mr. Kart. 2 years ago on LL I was messaged by a somewhat normal, good looking, age appropriate, handsome, great smiled gentleman. Hailing from the Southern US, and living on the West Coast, he saw me and just had to message me ( no worry about the 4000km distance between us). So started an amazing set of Skype dates, texts, emails, and smiles. Lots and lots and lots of smiles. He travels for work, so the idea of us getting together was a possibility. I was excited.

Life happened. Tragedy in his life, and I felt so helpless being so far away, and it ended. No more Skype dates, no more texts, no more emails. I sent my usual holiday friendly emails, hoping he was well and all that jazz, and just made myself forget. I forced myself to forget that this seemingly perfect man lived so far away, and was probably just a figment of my imagination.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, in the midst of dealing with the end of Pocahontas Gate 2012, and he appears. An email – asking how I am, he missed me, and wants to reconnect. Oh Universe – you have perfect timing. He’s still on the other side of the continent, still smiling and as good looking as ever,and I’m still here – smitten and loving the distraction and the help getting over Dickbag of the Year.

We’ve changed as individuals, in different places, and surprisingly I was harsh and to the point back to talking to him. I told him I didn’t appreciate the disappearance, although I knew he was in a rough spot, but next time to just be honest. He promised absolute honesty, and has been nothing but since. We’ve talked about out current/past situations and I have enjoyed every second talking and laughing with him again.

So here is the issue – here is the pressing question. Am I fucking crazy?!? He lives on the other side of the freakin’ continent and I’m so smitten with this man, that if/when we do meet ( which we are planning) I might actually implode. Its going to be a good time, which we both know, but then we go our separate ways, and live our two different lives again.

He has been upfront with the fact that he doesn’t think he is the marriage and kids type, and I have told him not to close doors he hasn’t reached yet. He also knows I do have the dreams of the marriage and the kids and the white picket fence, but really….are they just dreams?? Is my biggest issue a goal and a ideal of a life that I think is right to live because that’s what everyone is supposed to do? What if I’m meant to be the Stacey Keibler to his George Clooney??

I deserve to be happy, and smiley and giddy and feeling sexy. He thinks I’m “dangerously sexy” and who knows if this is all just a rouse or if this is two people filling a void that needs filling (insert sexual pun here); or, if by some amazing grace of the universe – this is something I need to do.

Its been almost 2 years of this guy, always being a thought in the back of my mind, but never thinking I was good enough for him. I have some self confidence issues that surprisingly aren’t as obvious as they should be with him. We chat about meeting up in December ( his time off) and I can’t even wait. He makes me smile, laugh, think intelligently, and challenges me to set goals and dreams for myself.

I understand – this is all over someone met online. We have never met in person. I can’t shake this feeling that I need to give it a go.

I have been asked out since him and I have re-kindled, and I just can’t find myself to want anyone else. I’m not interested in the seemingly normal paramedic from 20 minutes away, and can’t stop thinking about the handsome stranger that is a 5 hour flight away.

What do I do!!!!!

Long-time reader, first time submitting a question.
For starters, I’ll provide a bit of background. I’m a mid-20’s male working full-time and attending evening classes to finish my Master’s degree. In one course, a female acquaintance and I rely upon each other for notes & assignments from classes one of us may have missed. I met this acquaintance years ago in a professional organization we both belong to (whose meetings we have both stopped attending). She is mid-to-late 20’s, also working, attractive and smart. In emails and conversation we make small-talk without it being awkward, but nothing that you would call flirting. She has recently emailed me her number and asked for mine, but this is almost certainly just trading contact info with a study-buddy.
As we will both be graduating soon, I would like to take the opportunity this semester to ask her out to dinner to get to know her better. However, in planning the conversation in which I invite her to dinner, I foresee her asking whether or not this is a “date” (that is, an outing with romantic intent). I am at a loss as to how I should answer, because while my current interest is just a chance for good conversation, the chance to date an intelligent and attractive woman is always tempting. If I reach for the stars and say it is a date, she may decline where she might have gone along with a platonic invitation. If I say it isn’t a date (and she’s hoping it is), I risk closing off an option that I’d like to explore. I’m a coward when it comes to women and romance, so my natural inclination is to tell her it will be a date if that’s what she wants. So, my questions are as follows:
1. Any clever responses that allow me to have my cake and eat it, too? Any responses that communicate that I am just as happy hanging out with her as I would be dating her?
2. Would you suggest an occasion more casual than dinner for my purposes?
3. Any other general advice?

Hi all,

I’ve been together with my lady for a while now, and things have gotten pretty routine. I know that sounds kind of mean, but I don’t want it to. The trouble started a little while ago when we were almost unfaithful to each other.

I know that this will be judged harshly, but we were together for so long, maybe too long, and I was getting tired of her. I was reading and came accross a personal ad that just caught my attention. It’s like it was written just for me.

I wasn’t thinking about her sleeping in the bed right next to me, I just impulsively replied to the ad. We made plans to meet the next day.

Here’s where it gets complicated; I waited at O’Malley’s for this mystery woman that I was set to just throw everything away for. Then it turns out that it was her. She took out the personal ad. The ad that I was so quick to answer, she was the one to place it in the first place.

We laughed about it at first, but then things got a little tense as the days went on. She was mad at me for answering a personal ad and planning to leave her for someone I didn’t even know. I’m mad at her because why was she even taking out a personal ad in the first place?

Do I have a right to be mad about this? I think that I do. She was planning to be unfaithful. She says I have no right to be upset because I wasn’t being honest. But she wasn’t either! She doesn’t even like pina coladas!

Hi all. My boyfriend and I met on eHarmony six months ago and very soon after (unsolicited) he told me he had cancelled his account because he had found what he was looking for. It turns out that even a few months later, it was still active…I chalked it up to inability to navigate the website. About a month ago when I saw more matches in his mailbox, I told him this “glitch” was really bothering me and we sat down to cancel it yet again together. It turns out that we didn’t close the account enitirely, but just stopped auto renewal which meant he was still getting matches.

Since then, because we share a computer, I have seen messages in his email account with subjects like “So and so has responded to your photo nudge request” and “so and so has responded to your fast track communication request” as well as other emails from eHarmony women (quite innocent, admittedly) with whom he has clearly been corresponding. Obviously I told him I saw these messages, and he said they were from way back in the day when he WAS active, and that he wasn’t trawling around the internet and wasn’t looking to meet other women.

I broke up with him, but I am torn. What if this is purely a glitch? I realize that there are trust issues here which are unresolved, but I am wondering whether I am just blowing things out of proportion.

Please let me know what you think…thanks in advance for your replies.

So, after almost 8 years of being single, relationships lasting no more than 5 months, and hundreds of tubs of Ben and Jerry’s, I need to start again. I need to do this over, start as if I’ve never dated before, and I’m having a huge problem wiping the slate clean. I know we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, and use that knowledge in the future, but I find myself hating dating and men more and more as each failed relationship ends. I sit and I get angry, I grieve for the dreams of the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids I saw with Mr. So-and-so, and then I can’t date for months. I meet someone, usually online, and I trust them and the cycle starts again.

I need my faith in the male species renewed, and Im trusting some of you amazing men on this site to help me! I’ve read your advice, and can’t think of a better unbiased, advice, website for dating to use! 🙂

Any tips on what you men (seemingly normal men at that) want? I’ve done online dating for almost 8 years and met nothing but douchebags and assbags and every other ‘bag’ you can thing of but….nothing ‘normal’.
Sounds really bad, but I want someone with a job, a place to live ( that isn’t with his mother in her one bedroom apt on her pull out couch for the last year), a good sense of humour, plans and ambitions for the future. Why is that so hard to find??? Why am I, a seemingly normal 27 year old with fantastic tits (LOL) still single after all this? After all the hope and enthusiasm I have for dating and meeting new people, I am a deflated little balloon of hope and despair….

Any help is greatly appreciated 🙂

I have two guys I don’t want to get back together with, but I do want to remain friends. T is 12 years younger, and we had an open relationship for over two years, even if we were “together” six weeks total. He’s really smart and has helped me through many hard times, even when we were in relationships with others. The other guy, R, is 16 years older and left me for his X, whom he still has feelings for. I feel like he used me at times, but I know he helped me a lot through some rough patches and am past all that. I also think he loved me more than he’s now willing to admit. He even said we had some really good times and met my dad and step-mom. They’ll sometimes return my calls and texts, and it’s always about my life and not wanting to get back with them. R did help me deal with two stressful situations but won’t text back anymore. And when I sent him something funny about a co-worker laughing about me messing up recently, he texted back at 2 am some stuff about how I’m different because I point out little things and he doesn’t. I don’t know where that came from, but I texted back I was tired, sick, and going to bed. After that when I did call, he was really excited to hear from me, and he hoped I was doing well. I wasn’t, but he was really cool and talked me through that rough patch. I told him I felt like a bad girlfriend, and he said I wasn’t and that relationships are two-way streets.

My therapist says my last boyfriend, R, was intimidated and preferred to be with someone less attractive, especially since T had called me when I was at R’s house for a booty call. I turned him down, and he said, “You probably shouldn’t have answered!” However, since we talk as friends, I didn’t know if he wanted to chat, needed a ride home, or what! Plus, I was REALLY flattered to get a booty call, even if I turned it down. R was mad, but I said, “Atleast I turned it down! You should feel flattered!” I mean, his X stopped by unannounced to show off her new car, but she’d shown up and flirted with him, called him, etc. So I didn’t see any difference – atleast I said no. She also spent the night with him “on the couch” before he dumped me the next day. And he dumped me by not calling nor texting back, and he was supposed to come over before I went to work! I tried to contact him 10 times before I got a response, and he dumped me on the phone! He refused to bring my stuff back and help me move, even though he promised twice. My therapist thinks I may be able to remain friends with R, but he probably misses me and knows he messed up. Now she thinks we may not have the same friendship T and I have. When I saw R to get my stuff, he kept winking and even blew me a kiss. She thinks he’s trying to see if I’ll try to get back with him. I also have to say R was controlling, and she thinks he cancelled on helping me move because he couldn’t control anything else in my life. He was paranoid I’d cheat with co-workers, among other people. I sometimes regret turning down that booty call since I got dumped soon after anyway! T and I have talked since the break-up, and things are good with his girlfriend. Atleast he’s living in town and has a good job. Before, he lived hours away, and that was the main reason I gave R a shot. Two weeks before our 1st date, T and I were doing strong but still not monogamous. Atleast we didn’t fight – and R and I fought all the time. I got knots in my stomach on the way to his house because I know if I called my X-husband by his name (I was supposed to call him “the X”), I’d get a lecture. R picked on me incessantly, so it really was miserable. Maybe he was trying to get me to cheat or dump him?!

R lived with this X, and they’d dated a year before they lived together. I know she was Facebook friends with his daughters, and they posted stuff about missing and loving each other on his pictures. It made me sick to my stomach, but what could I do? I met his daughters once, as his “friend,” but we weren’t serious. I figured he was smart enough to know if it didn’t work and they lived together, it wouldn’t work again. I guessed wrong. Maybe the kid connection is part of why they’re back together? But he had kids with his X-wife, so that’s FAR more of a connection!

What do you all think? I’d appreciate some input, please! Can I remain friends with these two, and how do I do it? What can I expect from these Xes? I’ve never remained friends with Xes before T, so this is new territory.

Hello- I am new this site and am hoping for some helpful advice. I have a 5 year old daughter. Her father and I were divorced 3 years ago. We have a pretty good relationship (all things considered).
I have started dating, and was very cautious in how much time a new beau spent with my daughter.
Recently, a good male friend of mine (who my daughter adores) became romantic. We kept the romantic side of our relationship away from my daughter, but continued to hang out all three of us.
Unfortunately, things didn’t work out. And it breaks my heart to say that it went so badly we are no longer friends.
My daughter has been asking me about him, wanting to know when we are all going to hang out again.
How do I explain to my daughter that I am no longer friends with someone that she has grown to care about?
Has anyone here been in this situation? Maybe you even have advice on how your single parent handled this situation with you when you were younger.
Thank you!

I’ve been completely consumed with guilt and remorse. I feel so bad.

I was in a very serious relationship, on-again of-again, for the last year and a half…We have this crazy chemistry and this intense connection…but we view the world completely different and so we fight…and break up. Often. And forget about the fighting…and try again.

So it’s generally him that comes back. I try my best to move on. I date. So does he. So twice now, he’s come back when he’s in a new relationship and told me he misses me. I always tell him to bugger off until he’s single…and he always is within a few days. Well, this last time he came back pleading after he had been dating someone for about a month…telling me he loved me and he missed me and that he couldn’t remember why we broke up…and that thing with her would be ending soon. The sex was horrible, she was boring…all that. I told him to bugger off until he was single.

He persistently texted me everyday professing his love. I kept telling him “that’s nice, come back when you’re single.” Two weeks into this, I took an ambien, went to bed…and I woke up to a bunch of confusing texts the next morning. He had showed up at my house the previous night….and we had sex. It slowly has come back to me in like weird flashbacks…it was totally consensual…I just wouldn’t have done that while he was in a relationship.

He told me he wanted to try again with me. But he couldn’t end things with his current gf because he worked directly with her. He had to wait or work would be awful. He promised it would end soon. I told him to f-off and for 2 weeks I completely ignored him. After that the texts from him intensified. He was sending gifts to me. His confessions of love, his promises that we would figure something out…that things were ending soon with her persisted.

I talked to a few friends of mine. They said, it’s already happened. Who cares? “Go, have fun! Have sex and enjoy him….but he’s not relationship material anymore. A cheater is going to cheat…and he’s great in bed..Go for it!” …and…well, I do have a lot of fun with him. So I went with it. We met at hotels…and it was fun. But I noticed his gf changed her fb picture to one of them together…and I noticed he stopped talking about ending things with her. Two weeks ago (a month into this fiasco) I asked him if things were going to end with her. He told me things had been going well with her- they didn’t fight like we did…he was going to see how things went. I then questioned him (which I regret now)… Among the many questions, I asked him if he still loved me…and he said he didn’t know. Which means no.

I cut off all contact with him. I feel horrible. I really thought things with her would end. He completely led me to believe that it would. I’m not upset that I don’t get him back…I was just enjoying it for what it was. But I feel sooooo horrible for what I did to his gf. I feel so much guilt.

Do I tell her what happened? I would want to know. But he’ll know it’s me that told her…and I’m sure there will be some kind of repercussion…and I’m scared of that. Would you want to know? How would you feel about “the other woman” telling you?