I just started a new job at the beginning of the summer, and globally everything has been going pretty well: I’ve developed friendships with a lot of my colleagues, and I also enjoy the casual work environment and the work itself a lot. However, there is this one colleague that always made me a little nervous and self-conscious; it doesn’t help that he was the one who mostly trained me when I arrived (we work on the same project). I always thought he had a dreamy smile and I kind-of feel attracted to his personality and his intelligence. However, lately this little attraction has grown into a full blown crush that is making my life in the office difficult, plus I feel super guilty because I already have a wonderful partner of three years whom I am deeply in love with and feel lucky to have. Obviously, I don’t want this crush-thing to go anywhere romantically-speaking. I’ve read a bit online and I know that crushes can happen even when you are already committed; it doesn’t change the fact that it doesn’t feel good. I tried rechanneling this excitement and extra energy into my relationship, and everything is going pretty well on that front. It is more the work-related consequences of this attraction that worry me. Continue reading
Category: Advice Needed
“She’s leaving me, but I still love her”
I’m working on myself to deal with my co-dependent / passive-aggressive baggage, and feel like I’m actually getting somewhere. However, in all the books I’m reading it says I should only do this for myself and not for my partner as such, but I can’t seem to stop worrying if I’m doing the right thing in her eyes. She is leaving me at this point and there are 2 kids in the mix. We’ve been like this for 8 years at this point, and I finally feel I’m getting somewhere, but from her point of view it’s too little too late. That said, we still live with each other, but at the same time I found out the other day she has gone out on one date while she was away (kids with me for a week) and intends on going on more with other guys.
Problem is I also see it from her point of view, but at the same time she has a lot of baggage she isn’t acknowledging, and it’s getting in the way too. And as I get out of my co-dependent space, the more I can’t accept it happening anymore and can’t force things to improve, so I’m stuck and not sure if I’m doing the right thing or completely fooling myself and all it is doing is driving me mental! Continue reading
“My long-term boyfriend has multiple dating profiles”
I’ve just found out my boyfriend of three years has multiple dating profiles on tinder and POF (he left his computer open). I haven’t told him I know about them yet. I’m trying to decide whether to stay with him. We’ve lived together for two years, and have just moved to the other side of the country four-months-ago to be closer to his son from a previous relationship. I’ve bought a house for us (in my name, as he has a lot of personal debt), with the settlement due next week. He has cheated on me in the past when we first met. I’m not sure if I can forgive him again. Should I pack up and move back to my home state?
“My BF might be abusive”
About three months ago, a guy from school/work asked me out to dinner as a date, presumably. I gladly accepted, as this was a man I was growing fond of. It all started out wonderfully, mindless chatter, stories from work, and at once, I noticed a very protective aura coming from him. Even as we walked out, he was latched to me in an endearing way.
Things changed quickly. Right off the bat, he made it 100% clear he was a sexual person. Every time I wanted to come over just to CASUALLY hang out, he would grab me as I approached, kiss me, and begin to feel me up/grope in his driveway. Any location of the body, you name it. Nothing affectionate, nothing tender, and often times, bruises were left on my chest from his grip and painful bite marks on my shoulders that stung a day later. I brushed it off, figuring that was natural in the moment. Continue reading
“My husband is talking to other women”
So, my husband and I have been together for 11 years. Lately, he seems really uninterested in me sexually or emotionally. We don’t talk unless it’s about bills or something serious. I’ve noticed lately he has been chatting with some old friends of his who happen to be female. One of the females was very disrespectful to me, and he did not defend me, but, he claims it’s just a friend, and that she is not attractive to him.
Yet, he has long private conversations with them – one of which was a sexual conversation that was supposedly a joke.
He says he loves me and is afraid to lose me, but am I really just being naive and being played or am I just being crazy?
“I had a fling with a lesbian”
I had an affair with a bisexual woman who was visiting my country. She has a lesbian relationship back home. She went back home and had plans to come back to my country because of a job.
I’m not sure how, but her lesbian girlfriend found out about our fling. She blocked me on Facebook and won’t return my text. Now I don’t know if she will actually come back.
There is a big chance she is either single now or about to be. Her gf is hurt and that sucks, but, all cheap morality aside, I really want to make a move if that relationship has come to an end.
Will she let me know when she’s over her gf? Or will she never ever speak to me again? Getting caught is her fault. Is she seeing me as an enemy or a bad person?
“She still has feelings for her cheating ex”
I met this girl at a place and we started inboxing. After a week-and-a-half, we went on a date of sorts where she told me she liked me and I admitted that I liked her too. She almost kissed me that day, but I backed off, knowing she had to sort out stuff with her ex. Anyway, the next day we met again and she came over to my place and she stayed for the night and for next few days to come we practically lived together going to work and coming back and the whole deal.
On our first night we discussed that she needed to make the decision that 100% being with me or nothing. After 4-5 days she meets up with her ex and she rediscovers her feelings for her ex, who’s a profound skirt chaser and had cheated on her multiple times and still she decided to go back while I was better at everything. Now this stuff is messing with my head I really did like this girl … what should I do?
“I miss my best friend”
I have a question, well, it is almost more like a long-winded life story that requires a solution to solidify a happy ending.
Here goes. In Grade 8, I changed schools, and I met my best friend, I’ll call him Marty. Anyway, at first, Marty and I were indifferent towards each other, until one day, we started speaking, and then we discovered that we were cut from the same cloth, if you will. From then on, we were inseparable. In the beginning of our Grade 9 year, Marty and I started dating, but the relationship, although absolutely wonderful, was short-lived, lasting just longer than a month. Marty ended our relationship very abruptly, and, as I found out later, this was because he has issues with trust, and, apparently, did not believe that I was really the person that I made myself out to be. Regardless, the split broke my 15-year-old heart, as far as a 15 year-old’s heart can be broken.
I was devastated and sought comfort in a group of girls, who introduced my young self to weed, alcohol, and other mind-numbing substances. I spent the remainder of my Grade 9 year, completely wrapped in a bubble of somber depression and a substance induced haze. I told myself that when Grade 10 came, I would straighten my life out and focus on my studies. And then Grade 10 rolled on in, and, on the first day of the school year, I found out that Marty was in every single one of my classes, except for one. So, I made up my mind to mend bridges, and I did this quite effectively, and in a short while we were inseparable again. Continue reading
“How do I ask her out?”
There is a girl at school that I have been interested in for a long time. We have never really talked much but she seems like a lot of fun, and she isn’t bad to look at either. My problem is that I seem to be caught in an awkward middle-zone where I’m having trouble figuring out how to proceed. I’ll explain.
I don’t know her well enough to ask her out based on a pre-built relationship the two of us have. We’ve talked a few times, but never much. At the same time, we’ve been in each others’ vicinity for almost three years now without anything ever happening, so I can’t really take the “introduction and ask out” approach. Continue reading
“I’m falling in love with an escort”
I have been seeing an escort for paid sex on an irregular basis since April. I had seen other girls before, but this one was the first that I liked enough to see again. I understand you may have already judged me as some vile pervert just from those first sentences, and I would not blame you. I take no pride in it, but hear me out. I really like her. We connected on a physical and intellectual level, I enjoyed the conversation as much as the sex, which says something as the sex is incredible.
I also think that because I’m the only client near her age — I’m 24 and she’s 21 — she feels that she can open up and relax with me. Last time we met she didn’t seem to want me to go, despite my paid time being up, because we were so deep in conversation. I had to stop it to leave as I felt bad I was taking up her free time. She also seems to like that I care that she enjoys our time as much as I do and comments about my oral skills every time.
I’ve recently joined the Army and start in less than a week. I told her that this means I can no longer see her due to the risk on dismissal and that this week will be the last, but she wants to write to me while I’m at training and even said she wants to send me pictures to keep my spirits up. I’ve had feelings for her since we first met, thus why I continued to see her, but I thought she would never see me as anything more than a client. I’m still not sure. It feels like she’s taking a personal interest in me, but I might be misreading the situation. I also don’t know how to win the heart of a girl who has men pay for her company, not that her profession bothers me.
If something were to blossom between us, I wouldn’t put any pressure on her to stop. That can only be her choice. I see her on Saturday, I’m thinking of just telling her how I feel. I doubt she’ll be shocked, but at least I’ll know where I stand after that.
LemonVibe 