I’ve had an ongoing romance with my first love since I was 14. We had met and dated for just over a year before shit became too much. I’m about to turn 22 and even though we have had relationships with other people and am now currently both in relationships with people we both care about, we still feel the need and desire for each other. It’s like I know when he’s thinking of me, or ill get a thought about him just before he contacts me. And when we don’t speak for however long, we both tend to dream about one another and we begin to miss each other until we get in touch and than it’s like a big feeling of relief.
I have a partner and I’m grateful for him, he treats me like a queen and I genuinely want to be with this man and have kids and grow old etc. but I feel guilty for always feeling drawn back to my ex and even worse that it’s the same for him despite us being with other people.
I’ve only been with my partner for a year now but 3 years ago when I was working in a hospital, I met an elderly lady in one of the wards that I’d speak to regularly. She would cry a lot and I’d ask her what was wrong and she’d always tell me how much she regrets not being with the man she always longed for. She said she had a great husband and they had a good life but that she had always been in love with another man and it wasn’t until she had become much older that she realised how much she regrets not pursuing their love for one another and I use to always think about that story because I could feel the truth in it, I could feel her heart ache but I always found myself wondering how she could have stayed with a man even though she knew she was in love with someone else…. 3 years later and I find that she was teaching me a lesson without even knowing it. I don’t know what to do.