“I love him but he’s racist”

My boyfriend has done so much for me and sacrificed so much for me. He supports me in everything I do and I can honestly say he would put his life on the line for me. He’s almost perfect, ALMOST. But then he’s racist. This is the only thing we really argue about. Until now, he would use racial slurs (the P-word) when driving with road rage. I always get angry at him and ask him not to say it again but despite how much it upsets me, he continues to do so. I would give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking he is just angry and frustrated because, as I said, it only happens when he gets road rage (even though there is no excuse.)

But then he went on a night out with his friends. I called him to ask how it was the next day and the convo was going fine, but then he told me how on the way home in the taxi, he threw up. Fine, admittedly I’ve done that before when I was worse for wear on a uni night out. But not only did he not apologise, but then he said (whilst laughing) that he told the taxi driver “shut up you f***** P****” when the taxi driver got worried someone had been sick in his taxi.

It’s one thing when he says it behind closed doors but to actually say it to someone’s face and to think it was funny? I got so angry at him on the phone and hung up when he started trying to make excuses like he was drunk. I have asked him time and time again, and the thing is it’s not even hard to just NOT SAY IT and yet he still does it despite how upset it makes me, and gets surprised when I get mad at him!? I honestly don’t know what to do because I love him so much but I hate that part of him and it just seems to be getting worse. (I think it’s because of his new job and the people he now works with must view it as more acceptable.) He text me after I hung up, saying he never realised how upset it made me, and that he won’t do it again but I just don’t know if I believe him. What do I do?

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2 thoughts on ““I love him but he’s racist”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You can do better than this little boy. Move on and next time look for a the man you deserve instead. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Being drunk is no excuse for anything.

  2. Roger S says:

    Agreed, being drunk is no excuse. People tend to use that excuse as if it changes your fundamental values and who you are, but, on the contrary, it tends to strengthen a lot of character traits, and allow them to come out. If he says things like that and acts in that way, then he most likely harbours even worse thoughts that he just doesn’t dare to share when you’re around. If he’s not willing to face it, he’s not willing to change it. Dump him.

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