My fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years. The last year we’ve been looking for a threesome partner. We found one. She was perfect. Beautiful, willing and fun. She even offered to go on birth control. She was a friend of a friend. We spent a week with her and everything was perfect. Until one day, we were all really drunk and she raped and tried to blackmail my fiance while I was in a drunk sleep. She was violent with him. He wants nothing to do with her now of course, but I can’t help but want to continue with her like it never happened. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I should feel furious and hate her. But I can’t and I don’t know why. That week felt like years. I grew so close to her. Am I in love with her or just the idea of her? Am I not in love with my fiance anymore? What’s happening to me?
LemonVibe 
YOU and he needs professional help. Reverse the sexes of this situation and see how horrible it is that you want to have a relationship with a RAPIST. Good Lord, she raped and physically abused your loved one and you want sex? Your priorities are very messed up. You two should see a professional guidance counselor. Him because someone raped and abused him. You because you prioritize abusive sex over the love of a good man.