Hello, first time here. My boyfriend and I are both 21, dating for a little over 2 years now. I am in school and have future goals, while working part time and freelancing for myself. On the other hand, my boyfriend has been jobless for over a year now, not in school and lacks motivation and ambition.
I love him very, very much, but this is really starting to bug me as I think it would for anyone. I just do not know what to do anymore, we have talked about it many times and have gotten into arguments about it as well because he gets annoyed or defensive. He just does nothing all day, he has no idea what he wants to do with his life (which is fine, I understand) but does not give him a reason to just sit around everyday doing thing and waiting for someone to hand him a job that will provide him for the rest of his life that he will enjoy. He just wants it to come easy to him, even besides the fact that he knows how hard it is nowadays to get a job, so I just don’t get it.
I tried looking at job options for him or trade school options or even counseling but nothing seems to give him any interest at all, I don’t even know how is he supporting himself without making any money, sitting around all day while I’m working part time and going to school trying to get a degree and achieving for myself.
He claims he knows hundreds of times when I bring all this up and claims he will get his stuff together but it is now been a year that passed by. What do I do? How can I help him? How much longer do I have to wait around for him to actually do something and have ambition? Or is he just a generally lazy person who will never be the person to work hard? It is just so frustrating to watch even if I know how hard it can be, and I love him so dearly and we live with our parents still so it’s not a breaking point but at the same time if more years pass by and I don’t see him being a very driven person maybe it will be.
Please help, advice, anything.
2 thoughts on ““I love him, but he’s lazy with no ambition””
With 21 your life can unfold in ways you can’t even imagine. It can be the most amazing, adventures and fulfilling life, with its ups and downs. Or it can be nothing. Like waiting in line and not getting anywhere. We can not change those who do not want to accept our help. We can reach out to them, we can support them, but at some point you will have to think about yourself and what you want to look back on in, let’s say ten years from now. Just envision it. Time goes by fast. Don’t stand on the side line an wait. You are not a tree. The world is open to whatever you will call your life. Create something wonderful, where you find peace and strength, support and laughter. You can’t push someone who made their mere existence a lifestyle. Life is messy and beautiful, full of losses but also love. New beginnings and experiences to discover. You have a good head on your shoulders. If his love matches yours in strength, then he will want to create the best life he can with you. He will appreciate the support and effort. Love has many many varieties. It comes in a kaleidoscope of colors. Colors we can’t see yet, since we are at this point familiar with just one. And that’s the one we think is the only one. Listen to your gut, be still and listen deep within. You know the answer. I hope you will be happy. You deserve it.
He’s only going to do or tell you whatever it is to keep you there and he has to make the least effort. Move on. You’re not respected. He doesn’t even respect himself.