“He’s overweight, has poor hygiene, but I like him!”

I’m dating this guy, we’ve known each other for 8 months now. We started hanging out as friends, but approx. 2 months ago we kissed for the first time, and since then it’s starting to get kinda serious. It’s funny because we weren’t expecting it, it just happened for some reasons.

Problem: I don’t find him attractive. He has a cute face, but he is quite overweight and doesn’t seem to take care of himself at all. And trust me, I’m not that picky when it comes to looks and body hygiene…But this is just too much. I’ve already tried out remarks like “hey you can take a shower at my place”, or “here have a toothbrush”, but he just doesn’t seem/want to get it. But the bigger problem is his weight. He has a huge belly, it bothers me when we’re sleeping with each other. I just can’t look at it. I like to eat healthy and work out, I love to be fit, and I genuinely enjoy people who are the same way.

When I took the next step with him, I thought that I would learn looking over it and that one day I wouldn’t care anymore, because we get along so well, and he seems to be the best man I’ve ever known so far. But I just can’t.. and I really don’t want to sound like a superficial bitch, I’m aware that outer appearance is not everything, but I want to change him so badly! I want to change his eating habits and his lifestyle, I want him to start working out, I want him to take care of himself and feel good. I don’t know how to tell him without hurting his feelings.

We stopped sleeping with each other weeks ago, because he just doesn’t turn me on. He didn’t ask any questions about the reason why I wouldn’t want to sleep with him anymore, he seems to be fine with cuddling (so far), or maybe he doesn’t want to hear the answer because he is afraid of losing me (not to sound arrogant, but we both know that I’m much better looking than him. We both see the shocked looks on the people’s faces when we kiss in public).

I like that guy so much, and I want it so bad to work. His personality is a 10/10, he’s everything I need, I’ve never had this kind of bond with a man. I’m aware that all the things that bother me are “details” that can be changed easily, I just have to find a way how to tell him without hurting him. But is it how it works? I find a man and try to change what bothers me? It just doesn’t sound right to me.

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2 thoughts on ““He’s overweight, has poor hygiene, but I like him!”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Just tell him kindly in a neutral zone, like at the table. it’s not superficial to want good hygiene and a healthy partner. If you can’t think of a way to say this kindly then you need to move on, but still tell him as kindly as possible why. That way he knows for the next relationship he needs to work on himself.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I understand how you feel. You should probably try and have a serious conversation with him and be very sure to reinforce his positive qualities while talking! If you also bring up his hygiene and his weight, explain it in a way that makes him realize that you care about his health and his wellbeing and that he might feel a lot better with himself physically and mentally. You’re not being superficial, but if worded incorrectly it can be misconstrued that way, so be sure to mention you’re worried about him and want him to feel good! If he’s as great of a guy you say he is, he’ll definitely listen to you.

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