My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and two months. He is incredible! He is my best friend and we get along very well. I have met his family multiple times and they seem to really like me. He has met mine and they really like him. We discuss buying a home together and he is currently looking for a job to relocate to live in my city (we currently live 2 hours away from each other). The only issue is that he hasn’t said “I love you”.
I know it sounds silly but I truly believe the guy should say it first. I waited until after we hit our year anniversary before I brought it up. He said he very much sees a future with me and hopes his actions speak for his feelings but wasn’t ready to say it as he had been burned in the past. We both agreed we hoped for a better moment than that so it would be happening in the near future. So I waited…A month a half went by and nothing happened. I feel like my thoughts are being consumed and I am starting to act not like myself. I am normally very laid back and easy going but this issue has done nothing but creep into my thoughts and inflate my insecurities. So I brought it up again…and he said he didn’t like how I was forcing him to say it. I expressed it was something I needed to hear and that I think it’s strange and inductive of what a future may look like with him. Ultimately he reassured me that he does feel very strongly about me and it’s coming.
2 weeks later…still nothing. I feel crazy but yet I also feel like I might be missing a huge sign. Maybe he just doesn’t feel that way? I believe life is too short to wait to tell someone you love them. I’m not asking for him to move to me, that was his idea. I’m not asking for him to marry me. I’m not asking for major commitment other than knowing how he feels.
My question is: do I stick it through and be patient or am I missing a big red flag? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.
One thought on ““He hasn’t said I love you””
I see a big red flag: you not saying it yourself and relying on him.
I don’t think him saying “I love you.” is the real issue here. The real issue is you don’t know where this is going even with all the assurances. Will you be a girlfriend forever? Will you get married? Will you have kids? All issues with communication.
He may have commitment issues and you may both need a couple’s counselor.
Maybe you should go check out The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman at the library. It’s about how people relate via love languages. His love language might not be yours.
If after all that, you may be with the wrong person and your gut is telling you so. You need praise to feel loved. He’s not giving it and doesn’t understand what the issue is since doing things is his love language. He may always be scared to give just words. He may not understand why you can’t see how much he loves you when he’s moving and making big financial decisions to show you he loves you.