“Did I cause their break-up?”

I don’t know if it was directly my fault, but I might have just influenced a couple to break up.

So, a little background first. My guy friend, N, and I have been pretty close for about 6 months now. We only met last August, so our friendship got deep pretty fast. He’d been seeing this girl for about 3 months in private, she’s part of our friend group and neither of them wanted to stir up drama. He told me about the relationship a while back and I supported it, even though I kind of like him. Which is why this next part gets a little weird, and lines get blurred.

This past weekend, there was a party at my house for my friends and me, about 24 of us, to drink and have a laugh and fall asleep in a tent (not important to this story but still cool) and N was there. He and I stuck around each other the whole night, I was stressing out and he was just trying to keep me from having a panic attack. At about 2:30 everyone is either in the bed or has gone home (some didn’t want to sleep over) and it’s just me and N in the house. He suddenly asks if I want to go on a bike ride with him to this place he used to visit with a girl about 2 years ago who he fell in love with (to give it a new memory). We’re both a little drunk so I say sure and we sneak out, take bikes from the garage, and go on a 45-minute bike ride to this place. It’s calm and peaceful and it means a lot to him, I can tell by his body language. I’m just wondering the whole time ‘why isn’t he taking his girlfriend here? why is he doing this with me?’ We’re pretty close friends but I’d assume he’d want to visit this place with his girlfriend.

We spend not a lot of time at the place, but while we’re there we talk about the bed situation back at my house. He’s always wanted to sleep in my bed because it’s nicer than his (yes he’s been on my bed before, we watch movies together occasionally on my bed, I’ve also slept in his bed but that’s a story from another party) and this is his chance to do it, but he doesn’t want to force me to sleep in the guest bedroom (because I’m not sleeping in the tent, never again). So I suggest we share it and he agrees. We get back on our bikes and head back to my place.

We end up getting into bed at 4 am and we’re both more sober than we were at 2:30. After about 10 minutes of N chattering away in the dark, he asks if it would be weird if we hugged each other (like cuddling basically but it sounds weird when I write that out) to get to sleep because it’s weird that we’re in the same bed but a foot apart. (This is where I mention that N is a huge cuddler and it’s not weird for him to cuddle people and this isn’t the first time the two of us have cuddled) I say sure, so we hug (cuddle) and fall asleep. In the morning we wake up, head downstairs, and avoid telling anyone we slept in the same bed or that we cuddled, except for his girlfriend who knows everything.

I found out today that the day after all this happened N and his girlfriend (now ex) broke up. I don’t want to make it all about me since I know the girl and she’s super sweet and we talked about it and she said there were lots of factors, but I can’t help thinking I influenced this in some way. He and I are close and we’ve joked about being the friends who are scared they’re gonna get drunk and realize they have feelings for each other, so I don’t know if that happened or if I’m not even a factor in why they broke up.

Any advice?

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One thought on ““Did I cause their break-up?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Their break up was between them. Even if you did influence it (sleeping in your bed beside you and going off with him in the middle of the night alone – come on now, no one is that naive.) you weren’t the thing that broke them up. Maybe a contributing factor, but I’m sure there were issues. He IS going to go after you next. No man does all that when he’s not interested in a relationship.

    You may feel guilty for a bit, but time will help heal. It will take time for it to settle in that you aren’t really the cause.

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