I want to but I’m so socially awkward that I push away anyone who’s interested. The only guys I’ve ever kissed were those who surprised me. I’m mad at myself that I didn’t let it get further with the first guy when I was 16. I was drunk, he was experienced and I had a big crush on him.
Now, nine years later, I’m still a virgin. I want to have sex and for the first time in my life and I’m trying to seriously date someone (I met online). He’s nice but there is absolutely no attraction. There are guys I am attracted to (I feel like there are more of them ever since I started dating) but none of them would notice me, and if they did their confidence would probably make me run the other way. I don’t know if I would feel more comfortable around men if I had sex.
Am I shallow for wanting to have sex with someone I actually find attractive instead of a guy I feel comfortable taking to but have no desire to even kiss? I feel like the longer I wait the less likely it is that I will ever have sex with anyone. I wish I could just get drunk and lose my virginity that way but I have never been drunk enough to actually go through with it.