My boyfriend told me that he slept with one of his good friends who is a married woman for a few weeks just before we got together, and that they’re ‘good friends’ now and are planning to meet up soon when she’s back in the country. Her husband still doesn’t know and she doesn’t plan on telling him.
I told my boyfriend that I’m not comfortable with this morally and that I think he should be firm with her that this is wrong and that she needs to tell her husband, and if she keeps refusing to do so that he should tell her husband as a last resort and also cut all ties with her. He says that he can’t do all that.
Am I being unreasonable?
Yes. This affair ended before your relationship. You are being jealous and feel threated which makes you want to damage or destroy a marriage. Obviously you aren’t secure in your relationship which is why you are making out of line demands for things that are not your business. That will end your relationship eventually. You do understand that one thing that abusers do is isolate their victims from their friends which is what you are trying to do to your boyfriend. Talk to him about your insecurities and work on your own relationship, but don’t interfere with other people’s. Fate will deal with that on it’s own.
I wonder if this was written by a man?
Not at all. I would have kicked my fella to the curb
For having a relationship before you? I don’t believe you read this through completely. This relationship was BEFORE they started dating. She’s making demands on a woman who had a relationship before her and doesn’t even live in the country anymore.
Was this written by a man?
No, you’re not wrong to question your boyfriend’s so-called morality. You are, however, way out of line to demand that they tell the husband. This affair had nothing to do with you, and it’s not your business to make your boyfriend and/or this married woman come clean.
Instead, this is what you can do: You either 1) accept that your boyfriend once got involved with a married woman, and you put this behind you and focus on your current relationship with him, because that’s what actually matters, or 2) judge your boyfriend for something that he did in the past, decide you’re not okay with it, and you leave leave. It’s that simple.
His relationship in the past is none of your business. BUT I would give a piece of advice to leave him, how can trust someone who’s okay with sleeping with another man’s wife to be your partner?