“Torn between believing he is interested in me or not”

I’m 16; a high school student, inexperienced with relationships and boys. I mean I have some, such as my first kiss (at 13) and “hooking up” (making out) on a cruise when I was 14. Nothing else happened, until now. This boy (also 16) added me on Instagram and Snapchat and we started talking. It went great, we had similar interests such as sports and dancing. He was also really funny. I learnt that he loves kids which was something I took note on. He even sent me a video of him playing with his niece. He bought his mom shoes for her birthday recently too. He seemed nice, caring AND met all the standards I looked for in a boy. One day he asked me if “we could chill at his house”. I rejected him multiple times because:

A. I barely know him.
B. Never met him in my whole life
C. He could be a pedo

I kept saying no until I finally convinced myself to go. I knew how to protect myself anyway. But what surprised me when we first met was that he hugged me and said I was cute. I mean the hug felt nice but I wasn’t used to it. Also, I was very surprised on how straightforward he was as well. We went inside his house and into his room, where we talked about what movie to watch and we went under the blanket and cuddled. I’ve never cuddled in my whole life and I came to know the cuddling was blissful as ever. We watched a horror movie because my idiotic self told him of my fear of horror movies. During the movie he would often try to scare me by shaking me suddenly and making a scary sound which I would get mad at him for, but we would laugh it off in the end. I would try to cover my eyes with my hands but he would pry them away from my face and make me watch which I could tell he thoroughly enjoyed because he would laugh. At times he would move his thumb on my stomach softly in circles which also was kinda weird but I went with it. Also during the movie, he kept made sure my butt was against his crotch area which I was really iffy about. Soon enough he began to kiss my neck and then he kissed me and we started making out and then watched the movie. It was like a cycle. He would move his….thing against me sometimes as well. He tried many times to put his hands down my pants to my lady parts but I denied him and he would just act like nothing happened and continued to cuddle me. He tried again and again until he did touch my lady parts and he put his finger inside of me and before I knew it, I lost my virginity. We went back go normal after that, still cuddling. He played with my hair, laid his head on my chest ( I don’t have big breasts so thank the lord). We even began goofing and dancing around together. Then when I was about to leave, he kissed me again.

That night I was so shocked with myself. I felt dirty because I vowed to myself I would never lose my virginity until I was much older, maybe until I was married. I was disappointed in myself. But a small part of me didn’t regret it because it felt good, I felt like I belonged, like I was loved again because I rarely get attention from boys. This was the one time I did. He made me feel wanted, feel beautiful. After that, we always texted each other and he complimented me a lot, teasing me, always saying “I’m so cute” or “why are you so cute”. I went on vacation with my family to a different country and still he kept in touch with me, saying he misses me and to come back soon. One day out of the blue he said “send me a list of things you want.” Which left me thinking, “Is he getting things for me? Nooo he doesn’t need to.” I simply said ‘fried chicken’ because it was my all time favourite. That was something I took note of as well, why did he ask me that? Was he just saying that? I just got back from my vacation today and he immediately messaged me saying he wants to hang tomorrow at his house again.

I’m excited yet at the same time I’m not. I don’t know if he is using me for pleasure or if he genuinely is interested in me and likes my company . I’m attracted to him as he is to me, but I haven’t developed actual feelings yet which I feel will take a toll on the relationship we have created with each other. Is he using me? Is he just complimenting me to get in my pants again? I am torn between believing he is interested in me or not. Please let me know ASAP. Thank you all.

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One thought on ““Torn between believing he is interested in me or not”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Two things stood out to me in your letter. He’s pushing you for sexual activities way too early and that you are learning about your own feelings about sex. I do think it’s too early for this relationship for sex or anything more than making out. You JUST met him in real life. He’s most likely only after you for sex and you aren’t the only target. The fact that he was going so fast suggested that you are possibly one in a line or one of a group. I suggest meeting boys more close by and moving only as fast as you are comfortable. Say NO and leave the situation if you ever feel uncomfortable and be sure to use protection. Never believe a guy who argues against it. Never. I wish you the best and good luck.

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