“Is his bad attitude a deal breaker?”

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years and this is my first serious relationship. I worry a lot about what’s normal and what I should expect from him. He does some “typical” boyfriend things like opening a door for me. He is really nice to me for the most part.

However, if he does something I don’t like, even when I ask him to stop, he continues doing it. He doesn’t fight fair at all, and he holds grudges forever. I am happy with him, but he also makes me extremely sad and angry sometimes. He is mean to my friends and he thinks this is okay because him and his friends are mean to each other. He doesn’t ask about my day at work, but speaks ad nauseam about his own day, his coworkers’ days at work, where he’s going to work, all kinds of random things, and he expects me to remember it all. I am not a big talker, but if something cool happened to me, I would like for him to care. My stories last no more than a minute, but he still won’t listen. Sometimes I don’t even wait for him to ask me about my day. I try to talk about my day but he will either glaze over, not care, pull out his phone, interrupt me to talk about his day, or get up and walk away while I’m talking. I’ve brought this up for months but he doesn’t work on it. Does this seem like a deal breaker? I want to be with someone who cares about my day and wants to know what I do at work.

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2 thoughts on ““Is his bad attitude a deal breaker?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yes. You are dating a narcissist. Get out now, because it will always be about him. It takes two to make a relationship work and you’re doing it all.

  2. wanderingmarten says:

    Well, is it “deal breaker” or not, kinda depends on you to be honest. You sound pretty upset about it, so i guess it bothers you a lot. However it does not necessarily mean he does not care.

    In my relationship, the dynamic is similar, My boyfriend talks A LOT. Not about his work or co workers, but about other issues that are important to him, and not that much to me ( politics, economics, math etc… ) I listen, because i like it, even if i am not that interested or understand everything, i like seeing him being passionate, i talk way less than him, he also interrupts me often when i do talk, and sometimes dismisses some of the things i say as unimportant, or trivial. HOWEVER, he listens when it matters. When we talk about serious personal issues, try to solve problems between us, or when i need to vent about a particularly frustrating event or issue (even if it does not concern him) he listens. However i have to tell him, straight, and with no hints, ” I need to vent/talk, please listen to me, i NEED this” For us, it’s a dynamic that works, i’ve had an issue with this at the beginning, was getting upset and thought “he didn’t care” but actually, that’s simply how he is, and not just with me, but with everyone around him. He can not pick up on my subtle hints or moods, and notice when i am in need of a talk, i need to tell him that, in very clear way. ( maybe it’s a man thing 😀 ) because i understand where he is coming from, It’s not that he does not care about me, it is simply that he does not care for small talk, for trivial chatter, for long explanations of things that are unimportant in the long run etc. I accept that, i am ok with that. I’ve learned that if i want to “talk about my day” ( in detail with “and he said this, can you believe it” type a deal) i call one of my friends, and we can talk for hours, and it is just as satisfying.

    Through past relationships, i came to think that you should not put all of responsibility for your emotional baggage on your partner. They are Your Lover, and friend. They are however their own person with their own character and preferences, and you have to accept them as they are, without trying to change them.

    That said however. Your situation might actually be very different, it is hard to judge from the short description you provided. It could be that he actually does not care much about you, on an emotional level, and does not mind hurting you, by not giving you the attention and simple emotional support you require. For that you need to look at other areas of your relationship, are the same pasterns of Selfishness are seen there? How does he treat other people besides you? his Family, and friends?

    At the end of the day, if something is bothering you – talk about it. I know you’ve said you already told him it bothers you, Well do it again. And maybe one more time… If nothing changes after that… It could be that it is a deal breaker, and he is simply is a selfish prick. ( door opening does not make him a good boyfriend btw )

    Best of luck
    M

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