“Should I be with this married man to further my career?”

I’ve been struggling with a decision I’ve recently made, or if I should make the complete opposite decision. I have asked very few friends and family for their words of wisdom, and wanted advice from an outsider’s perspective.

I have recently taken on a new career (in the arts, freelance) and met an extremely successful, well-known artist in this same area with highly notable contacts and connections, who frequently takes trips/travels to exotic locations for jobs. We immediately took a liking to one another (a little too much). We’ve been intimate, but never had actual intercourse. I’ve always been hesitant to get completely involved with him…because he’s married…and also is sleeping with another woman…maybe 1 or 2 others, as well (he has a history of affairs). His wife knows about these goings on, at least, that what he says. She’s very familiar and friendly with all the women in his inner circle. They also have a child together.

Recently, the other woman he’s seeing has traveled with him to more than 3 different countries for work. I’m kicking myself because 1) traveling is what I want more than anything right now, but monetarily speaking, it’s not always the easiest thing to do. And 2) I think that if I just suck it up (no pun intended), I, too, would get access to all these amazing adventures (he pretty much said in so many words that that was the case).

He treats his favorite people like gold (and has helped me out extraordinarily, as far as my career goes, and has been sweet/generous/kind with me), but at the same time, I’ve noticed that he can be very manipulative and scheming when he wants to have his way (subtle guilt trips, fawning over you too much, lies, etc).

I want to be part of the “gold club”, so to speak, but as much as I want to, I find it hard to trust him and believe anything he tells me. The idea of giving him what he wants, when he gets it from so many other women, just to have these amazing opportunities angers me beyond belief. I don’t want to be screwed over and manipulated and be just another name on his list, but I’m also anxious that I could be depriving myself of some phenomenal experiences if I don’t give him what he wants.

What would you all do? What is the “right” decision?

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2 thoughts on ““Should I be with this married man to further my career?”

  1. IAmNotTheAuthority says:

    As a betrayed wife, I say PLEASE do not. He may say she knows, but the reality is she probably doesn’t. If they have children, even very little ones, think of them, too. My husband told his “other” that our marriage was over and not worth saving, we were distant, she wasn’t the first, etc, all to make her feel more comfortable with the idea of being involved with him. The pain left behind after discovering an affair is not something that a woman would willingly, knowingly take on and let continue. Please listen to your heart and really decide who you are as a person, not what your career or travel goals are. Do you want to look back on your life and think, “I was a part in ruining this marriage and the life of their children. But, hey, I got to go to India.”?

  2. Anonymous says:

    I think you should look into polyamory and ask to meet his wife if you want to be his girlfriend. Follow the rules and don’t **** up someone’s marriage unless you know for sure they are actually open and that he has periodic STD testing. Proof of testing IN HAND.

    Otherwise… OH HELL TO THE NO.
    You don’t know if he has a STD; you could be off traveling and get left there, kidnapped, etc.; you could be breaking up a family like the commenter above said. Also don’t you want to be able to say you got there on your own merits? It’s one thing if you are in a committed relationship and a whole other if you are getting there by being flavor of the month.

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