Since I was about 14, I met this guy at a party my friend threw. We clicked immediately, started talking and dating right away. It was innocent and harmless since we were so young. For the next 4 years we still managed to keep contact and be together even though we never formally “dated,” but we still consider each other our first girlfriend and boyfriend.
He got sent away to a boarding school last year and I was traumatized losing him from my life, I thought he’d always be there for when I was ready to be really serious with him, as during those 4 years he never really moved on or had eyes for anyone else. I saw other people but it lasted a quick month because I never found that “click” again. I did have a boyfriend of about 5 months and when I broke up with him he started going out with this girl, and that bothered me, then her fresh ex started to message me about our ex’s to find out that he’s my sisters best friend. So we started working out together and hanging out. His mom’s an extremely abusive alcoholic so my dad took him under his wing to live with him. We’ve spent every day of the last 5 months working out together and I even brought him on vacation.
The guy I’ve seen since I was 14 just came back from boarding school. He comes from a very well-off family, as do I, and he wants to build a successful life with me, he still wants to be with me. But the guy I’m now dating tells me he’s in love with me. I really don’t know what to do, I really do care about my boyfriend and I’d be devastated to lose him, I make him so happy and he makes me and my family happy, but I’m clearly also not over the guy I’ve had feelings with for so long. I tried to be friends with him, but my boyfriend is insecure that old feelings will come back, and I know he’s not wrong for feeling that way.
How do I simply choose between the two people I love? It’s so hard, and I’m terrified if I leave my boyfriend who treats me so well, that things won’t work out with the guy I still have feelings for, and then I will lose both for making the wrong choice. I’m so scared to not only inevitably lose one of the people I love, but possibly both. Help.
One thought on ““I can’t choose between the two people I love””
So you are only 18 or 19 and think that one of these boys are ready to build a life right now? You haven’t even got to experience life yet!
Break up with your boyfriend that you don’t feel the “click” with right away so he can heal and move on. That’s part of being a adult. It’s actually much better for you both and way more healthy than dragging this out. There is no good time for a break up so just go ahead and get it done.
However, don’t immediately jump into the first boy’s arms. You may be romanticizing this relationship and right now both of you are going through a major life change. Wait at the very least 3 weeks. I hear you screaming in your head “OMG THAT’S FOREVER I KNOW I LOVE HIM NOOOOOWWWWWW,” but hear me out. If he’s really in love with you that’s a drop in the bucket time, especially between jobs, college, ect. He won’t mind and you don’t need to give him a deadline. Just hang out and chill. That doesn’t mean you need to avoid him or that you need to sit around and wait for him. Do your thing and stay actually busy with hobbies, work, school, whatever.