“My girlfriend restricted my access to hanging out with women”

Trevor says:

Now, I would like to preface this by pointing out that my girlfriend is not cheating on me. It’s not just because I’m stupid or naïve. I just understand certain things about her that would be a very long story to share on this. She’s an extremely territorial person who has since restricted my access to hanging out with women.

I understand this because of her past and background. However, she insists that she should have the ability to hang out with other men. This bothers me. She goes out with them, let’s them buy her drinks, and such. My territorial — and fairness — side pings here as this being something that isn’t fair.

Kenna says:

What my boyfriend doesn’t understand is that I live in this new area, find it very difficult to make friends, and want to be able to go out and have fun. I try to make female friends too, but I just find it more difficult, since the girls in my life seem to be more flaky than the boys.

I understand that the men who hang out with me want to sleep with me, but I would never sleep with them. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I love him dearly, and I’m not sexually interested in any of them. I don’t let him hang out with women, because it’s like him to hang out in groups of people, so it would be unlike him to hang out one-on-one. I, however, do not like hanging out with large groups. It’s just different.

3 thoughts on ““My girlfriend restricted my access to hanging out with women”

  1. Stella says:

    I don’t want to sound like I’m choosing sides, but from my point of view from the side line Kenna you are not being fair. You can’t tell Trevor you don’t want him to see other girls and then in the same breath say he must understand you just want to have fun. Any guy who respects your wishes on this is far from someone who will be a cheater, regardless of you saying he doesn’t like big crowds. If he wanted to cheat he would have done so a long time ago. You simply cannot point a finger at him for precisely what you are doing. You are both equal in the relationship, and both your sides should be met fairly, otherwise conflict will keep arising. You guys have to sit down and agree on what suits and benefits both of you

  2. Matthew says:

    Let’s call this what it is – unfair. Kenna, look at what you wrote: “I understand that the men who hang out with me want to sleep with me, but I would never sleep with them.” If Trevor were to the say the same thing, would you believe him? If not, why should he believe you?

    If Trevor has given you a reason to not trust him, then you may have some merit, but placing this restriction on him merely because of past relationships and their implied transgressions is not fair to Trevor, or the relationship you share together.

    Already Trevor has stated this situation has a subtle sting already. Over time this will only increase and eventually become unavoidable resentment.

    This is written from experience. There were two relationships in my past where the woman I was with did not feel comfortable when I spent time with any of my female friends. It didn’t matter how long I had known them. I was more will to accommodate their requests than I would like to admit, but I was also young and both relationships were new and the emotions were running high. It didn’t take long for things to blow up, for numerous reasons.

    The main thing here is trust. Kenna, you need to ask yourself whether or not you trust Trevor. There is no grey area. It’s a yes, or no.

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    I’m going to straddle the fence here.

    Trevor:

    I think it’s fine to have opposite-sex friends, but I am a bit creeped out by the phrase, “restricted my access to hanging out with women.” I’m not sure if you’re just trying to be colorful with your language, but it strikes me as a bit off that you see hanging out with women as something that you need to “access.”

    Like, the way I see it, if you’re hanging out with groups of people, and you happen to become friends with a woman, and you choose to hang out with her, that’s totally fine. But if you’re actively seeking out friendships with women — well, that does sound a bit sketchy to me.

    Again, though, maybe it was just an odd choice of words.

    Kenna:

    The only question I have for you is this: do you trust your boyfriend? If you do, then I say you have to let this one go. If he has no intentions of doing anything inappropriate with his female friends — and you trust him and believe that he truly has no ulterior motives — then I see no problem with him hanging with them.

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