My boyfriend and I have a child which is why I’m thinking so hard about it. I don’t wanna leave him because we have a baby together…but he has hit me. He yells at me. He insults me. He’s choked me and punched me. That’s only when we argue…he says it’s my fault. But when we’re okay, he’s sweet…he does favors for me, he makes sure me and my son are okay…I don’t know what to do…
6 thoughts on ““My boyfriend hits me””
This is abuse. It is not your fault. You should leave.
Leave before he starts hitting the baby too. He won’t stop with just abusing you. Make sure you report the abuse as well, because in some states the mother goes to jail, even longer than the father, for abusing children, because she didn’t protect the child.
This is abuse. You do not need to take it. You do not need to defend it. It is not normal. You do not deserve it. It is not your fault.
Please reach out for help in your area. There’s also a national hotline: http://www.thehotline.org/
There is no amount of good your boyfriend can do that will make up for hitting you.
If you find yourself defending why he is treating you this way, just think to yourself, “Would I be making these same excuses if he harmed our baby?”
You really should leave now. He has no right to treat you like this.
I agree with the other posters here: you definitely do not need to make excuses for your bf or justify why he hits you and you need to think about your baby’s future (if not for yourself and your own well-being), and leave him for good.
Every abusive situation is similar in many ways: the abusive person in the relationship will blame you for “making them” hit you, but later “feel guilty” and apologize, be sweet, romantic, sweep you off your feet to make you doubt that it would ever happen again (as they promise you they won’t). Then, one day, something happens to set him off–it’s never their fault of course, and they fly off the handle and hit you again. Lather, rinse, repeat. If you get stuck in this scenario for long enough you develop what’s been termed, “Battered Women’s Syndrome”–where you start to believe what your bf is telling you–that YOU are the crazy one, YOU are to blame for his actions, and that YOU belong to him and only him.
And if you think that marrying him will somehow improve his behaviour or make him change–do not believe that for a second, because the abuse will actually get worse. The main suggestion I have is make sure you DO NOT TELL HIM YOU’RE LEAVING. DO NOT LET ON IN ANY WAY THAT YOU ARE LEAVING HIM OR MAKING PLANS TO LEAVE HIM. (I’m assuming you live together with your baby).
When women leave relationships it is often the MOST VOLATILE, VIOLENT in an abusive dynamic; statistics show a great majority of women and their babies/children are either killed and/or seriously injured/maimed during this period. So, it is very, very important that you seek outside help from professionals before you leave him and keep it secret from him or any of your mutual friends and family members (even people you think you can trust may one day blurt it out and reveal to your bf your plans to leave him).
Make sure to contact professionals (like at a local women’s shelter), who know what you’re going through, and can help you with the transition from your life away from him, but also keep you and your baby safe.
By the way, just an add on to the above: I know people will think, “but he’s still the biological father of their child” so he should know where his baby is. ONLY LET HIM KNOW YOU’RE GONE FOR GOOD ONCE YOU ARE ALREADY SAFELY AWAY FROM and have already spoken to a lawyer and/or the police (file a restraining order or make a domestic abuse/assault report on the most recent incident where you remember the date and details).
If you try to do any of those things while you are all living under the same roof, it could lead to him exploding and doing something even more violent or lethal to you and/or your baby,
ANOTHER TIP: Also, be sure to erase your recent internet searches, including showing that you frequent this site (and do not ever tell him your social media or email passwords–depending on how controlling he is, he may even have some “spy-ware” on his laptop that records keystrokes for access to passwords, so be careful when surfing, logging into your social media accounts as well. If you want to be really safe–don’t even use your home computer, go to an internet cafe or your local library and use the computers there, away from his potentially prying eyes)..