“I found out my wife cheated on me 14 years ago”

Back when we dating, my wife had sex with a guy on cruise. It was 14 years ago, and we had been dating for 4 years at that point. We now have been married for 2 years, and I only found out 6 months ago, when she decided to tell me sort of out of the blue.

After she told me, I found a photo album with 6 pics of her hanging on this guy. She said this meant nothing to her. Yet, why did she save the pics?

She refuses now even to discuss this with me. I feel she is not being honest with me about what it meant. Should I be upset?

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4 thoughts on ““I found out my wife cheated on me 14 years ago”

  1. yeahbutwhatif says:

    If you’re upset, you are upset. She lied to you and didn’t tell you all this time, that was her choice and if you aren’t happy about that then you should be honest about that. Personally, I would see her keeping the photos as a bad sign as it indicates how she felt about the situation and that she either doesn’t see it as a big deal or she it is a big deal but not in the way you would want. You should be honest about your feeling about this but keep in mind it was a long time ago and a lot has changed since then. So speak to her about it and see if it indicates to you something now or if it changes the way you feel and see things as a result.

    • pbs says:

      logically I know it was a long time ago but I am really struggling to get it out of my head She claims she instantly regretted she slept with him …dogged him as she put it and felt like it was one of the worse things she had ever been thru . She says this but after the cruise she came home..got the pics developed and put them in a photo album made up of pics of the cruise

  2. Dave says:

    Wow, talk about a question that leads to more questions…

    First one that popped into my head was…you were dating this girl for four years and yet allowed her to go on a cruise without you? That right there is pretty much giving her the green light to go crazy…
    Bluntly speaking, if she only slept with ONE guy on the cruise, I think she showed admirable restraint.

    I’m afraid this question can’t be answered because we don’t know how serious you two were at the time of the cruise. Seeing as it took (many?) years to seal the deal, I’m betting she was not feeling very obligated to be faithful to you at the time of the cruise… (Had you discussed marriage before the cruise? If so, in what context?)

    If she can swear that cruise guy was the only guy she’s been with (besides you) in 14 years, then it would probably be best to let the matter drop.

    I’m not saying what she did was right…it’s just not WRONG enough to ruin a marriage over it.

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